Thursday, December 15, 2011


I treated myself to the new Nickelback album this weekend, and was not disappointed as I was with their last album. This one is fantastic. This song, Lullaby, in particular has special meaning for me. It takes me back to my teenage years when I was in this sort of space. Depression and I are old friends unfortunately. Fortunately, those dark thoughts did not return with the latest several years wrangle with the big D. I think probably because I have a family now and could never do such a thing to my children, although I must be honest in saying they did indeed begin to creep back in the 2 or 3 weeks I was waiting for this most recent medication change to kick in and begin to work. It's exhausting feeling like death warmed over every day and trying to function in all your expected roles. Medications that work wondefully, and then for no reason at all just stop working makes one feel tired and hopeless. I had begun to reach a point where I was losing hope I would ever get out of this hole, and just wanted to rest. Fortunately the medication did kick in, and I found a great new therapist and those dark thoughts subsided. However,this song Lullaby speaks to me deeply as it describes certain periods of my life.

My experiences make me think perhaps I should find an organization that can allow me to help others in this same place. It makes me wish I had taken my undergraduate degree in psychology and gone on to graduate school as I had originally planned. Had I done that I would now be in a much more fulfilling career instead of sitting behind a desk doing meaningless work everyday.

I have always had the desire to serve and to help others since I was a teenager, but as I grow oler the desire is even stronger. I work with a couple of my special places, but I want to do so much more and there just isn't enough of me and enough time to go around. Ah, perhaps one of these days my dream of doing more will become a reality.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Riding in Cars with Boys..Make that Men

“You’re late,” he observed as she hurriedly hopped into his car.

“I’m sorry,” she answered breathlessly. “I got stuck at work.”

“Hmmm,” was his only response.

Their meetings were often hurried and clandestine as they each had busy lives full of other responsibilities.

He looked at her pointedly, his green eyed gaze seeming to pierce her very soul, as his hand went to the bulge that was already forming at his crotch.

“I’ve been sitting here waiting for you for 30 minutes with THIS growing between my legs and causing me considerable discomfort,” he coldly informed her.

“I’m sorry, I really…” her voice trailed off as he put his finger to her lips.

“Take your clothes off,” he ordered.

She obediently unbuttoned her blouse, removed her bra, and unzipped her skirt until
they were all in a heap at her feet.

“Now recline your seat back”

As she did so, he reached over to pinch and tweak her nipples as she arched her back and moaned with the pleasure. He knew her inside and out. He knew this aroused her at times to the point of orgasm. She mewed in protest when he stopped.

She watched as he unzipped is pants and freed his blood swollen aching cock. He began to stroke himself slowly, precum oozing along his thumb and forefinger.

“You want this, don’t you?” he teased

“Oh yes, yes I do,” she moaned as she felt her wetness seeping onto his leather seats.

He continued to stroke, his head thrown back, his breath coming harder and faster as his eyes traveled over her body laid out before him.

When she could no longer contain her desire, she leaned over to take him in her mouth only to have him slap her face away.

“You were late. You don’t get to suck me. You get to watch.”

She leaned back to her side of the car and watched fervently as he stroked his cock, sweat breaking out on his forehead which she longed to lick if only to have some part of his saltiness in her mouth.

“Fuck, you look so hot. I want to empty this load right inside you.”

“But I can’t can I? You didn’t follow my directions, did you?”

She shook her head no as her eyes remained locked on his pumping hand.

His hips began to pump up into his hand, he got the far away look in his eye and his breath came out in a wrenching groan which she knew from countless other hours spent with him meant he was about to cum.

He reached out and gripped her left breast in his hand so hard she let out a small cry and knew she would have a memento of this time with him the next day when his fingerprints appeared on the tender flesh of her breast. With a groan that filled the cabin of the car, he looked into her eyes as he exploded into his hand.
She licked her lips, aching to taste him, to feel his cock growing soft in her mouth as his orgasm subsided.

“Clean up this mess you’ve made,” he directed.

She eagerly leaned over and began to lick his penis clean of his sweet salty cum making certain to suck each ball into her mouth swirling them clean with her tongue as he sighed and whispered what a good girl she was and what a hot little mouth she had.

“Get out of the car,” he ordered in a frighteningly serious tone.

“Baby, please, I’m naked,” she whimpered.

He considered this for a beat and replied, “As you did such a good job cleaning up the mess you made of my cock, you may put your skirt back on.”

She quickly shimmied into her skirt and haltingly opened the door, looking back at him one last time with a plea in her eyes of “Please don’t make me do this.”

When he continued to fix his green gaze on her with no hint of reprisal, she got out of the car.

“Now go to the front of the car, and lay down across the hood,” he directed.

Minutes felt like hours as she lay there against the cold hood of the car exposed in the open parking lot.

She finally heard the click of the door as he exited the car as well.

He leaned down over her and whispered softly in her ear, “You want me inside you now, don’t you?”

God help her, she did. She wanted him with a desire that often kept her awake at night, lying there aching for him, remembering his touch, his scent, his taste.

“Yes, I want it more than anything. Please give me what I need,” she begged.
Her skin burned with his touch as he lifted her skirt and slid inside her wet, needy hole.

“AHHHHHH,” escaped her lips as he pumped his way deeper inside her.

He gripped her hips and began to pound into her with a need born of too many stolen encounters, too little time together, a longing for each other that was never fully satisfied. Her breasts bounced against the hood of the car as they fucked with abandon in the open parking lot for anyone who happened by to witness.

His cock found just the right spot inside her as it always did. She felt her legs growing weak as her orgasm began to build. It spread from the flush in her breasts, to a pulse in her belly until she finally exploded with cries of pleasure as it washed over her cunt in endless spasms.

When she had spent herself, he gripped her long, curly hair in his hands pulling her upper body roughly up off the hood of the car as he plunged into her his own orgasm furiously churning in his balls. He came softly this time, pumping a few more times before allowing himself to slip out of her. Her own juices mixed with his cum flowed freely down the insides of her thigh.

They quickly re-entered the car where they spent their remaining time, touching, caressing, kissing longing for a love that would never be theirs to hold.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Good Morning My Love

I awoke to the sensation of his hand moving under the covers. As I gradually became more conscious I became aware that he was stroking his cock which is often so achingly hard first thing in the morning. I laid there on my side quietly observing, my cunt growing wet at the sensation of the covers moving ever more rapidly, and his breath increasing as his arousal grew. The sounds of sex have always been far more arousing to me than the sights…the grunts, the moans, the sighs, the whispered “I love yous” as we make love.

He turned to me, spooning me as he began to rub his cock against my ass. I arched it out for him, eager to feel the slick precum oozing out onto his hand and my ass. In very short order, he rose up above me, placed himself between my legs as I was still turned on my side and entered me. He found no resistance as my cunt was by now swollen and dripping wet. I laid there prostrate,my face buried in the pillow, barely awake as he used my body for his pleasure, pounding deeper and deeper inside me. His finger slid into my ass as I groaned with the sensation of fullness as he filled both holes. With 3 mighty pumps into my deepest recesses he came inside me with a low, guttural groan.

We curled up together and went back to sleep, satisfied with his use of the body that is his for the taking anytime he wishes.

Monday, November 21, 2011

My Life in Dreams

I had a dream last night about someone I was in love with, but have not thought about in quite some time. I guess my subconscious must have been thinking about him for a while though! It was a very vivid dream. One of those that spills over into your waking time the next day, and clouds the whole day with thoughts, feelings and memories of that person.

Today I am stuck in the past paying tribute to the ghost of my former love. Sometimes when I have vivid dreams like this about someone I knew its effects are gone within a day, while other times they can linger for several days. I can’t help but ask myself if there is something my subconscious is trying to work out about this man. My conscious mind is 100% certain that it has accepted this person's absence from my life and is fine with it, but my subconcious seems to have something more to say on the matter. I don’t care to share the details of the dream as they are intensely personal and fraught with feeling, but many aspects of it seem to have clearly been my subconscious sorting through feelings and longings.

Funny how there are just some people who never leave our hearts no matter how long the actual physical relationship itself has been over.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Mimi's Back

I'm back, dear reader, as you may have noticed by my most recent post. I have been away for several months battling that dastardly depression that raised it's ugly head again 4 months or so ago. It finally got so bad that I found myself a new psychiatrist, got on a new medication which after 3 weeks or so began to work much better than any other medication I ever have been on, and began to see a therapist. I feel like a new person and it feels WONDERFUL!!

For any out there who may follow my blog and suffer from depression, I say to you GET THE HELP YOU NEED!! One of the ugly, frustrating (especially for those close to you) things depression does to you is rob you of your energy, your ability to make decisions, and your ability to act. This means it can be difficult to pull yourself together enough to even seek help, but in most cases, it's not going to get better until you seek treatment, be it medication, counseling or a combination of the two. I was fortunate to have Jay who continued to urge me to get my medication changed, and seek help. There is also a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness that prevents some from admiting they have a problem and seeking help. To this I say, it is a medical condition just like diabetes, high blood pressure or any other physical malady and NOTHING to be ashamed about. You can feel so much better, and live a healthy happy life if you just seek out the right treatments.

My Jay has been very supportive through all this, although admittedly very frustrated at times. He constantly reassured me that we would get through this and everything would be ok. This Sugarland song always makes me think of him and how he has tried to support and help me through this. He truely is my best friend, my lover and my partner in this crazy world.

"So when your heart is heavy like a stone from carrying it's load/And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know/When the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat/I will shine the light"

This is quite an apt description of what depression feels like for me.

"Some roads we all will have to walk alone/But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you friend/That's me, clapping the loudest, welcoming you home."

I feel that I have been absent from my life altogether for the past several months, and although Jay could not experience the pain and misery with me, he was my comfort and my cheerleader urging me to find my way back.

I hope to be sharing naughty, debaucherous thoughts with you again soon.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

His Kiss

The first time you kissed me popped into my mind today out of the blue, and I found myself relaxing into the erotic, yet also now nostalgic memories.

When your lips first met mine my first thought was that they were like no other lips I had ever kissed before. Their overriding sensation was that of fullness. They caressed my own lips like a soft, warm pillow. As your tongue darted into my mouth, I sighed, my hands going to the back of your head, my knees buckling ever so slightly. All sense of time or our surroundings was lost to me.

Soon after I found myself on a bed beneath you, both of us fully clothed, writhing around with a burning desire for you. My mind’s eye can still see legs entwined with yours, your cock pressing hard and insistent against my thigh through your jeans, my hands in your hair, our lips feverishly locked together as I paused to breathe into your mouth, “I want this so much,” followed quickly by my frenzied tugging at your shirt, desperate for skin on skin contact. My crotch is moist and swollen even all these years later as I savor the memory of those moments with you.

When our desire had been satisfied for the moment, what heavenly small little kisses we exchanged, our tongues darting gently in and out of each others mouth as we lay face to face, and I found myself mesmerized by your stunning green eyes.

I recall at some point later, standing on my tiptoes to better reach your lips as I kissed you in my stocking feet, deeply aroused by your superior height and strength as you lifted me off my feet for an embrace. We delayed the inevitable as long as possible as we stood there kissing and touching one another.

Even all these years later, when that time in our lives has long been put to bed, despite the things that may not have gone right between us, your kiss is a warm and cozy memory forever filed in my brain and etched on my heart.

Friday, August 26, 2011


No words are needed for this photo, but I’ll give you the story that goes with it… John Tumlison was a Navy SEAL who was killed in Afghanistan on Aug 6 when a rocket-propelled grenade took out a U.S. helicopter. He was mourned at a service in Rockford, Iowa recently. His dog, Hawkeye, was such an important part of his life that he was present at the service as well. When Tumlison’s friend walked to the front of the room to speak, dear Hawkeye followed him and dutifully laid down near his Master's casket.

I cannot get this image out of my mind since I saw it this morning. It is such a testament to what wonderful, loving, loyal animals dogs are,that they do form strong bonds with their humans, and that they can and do mourn the loss of a loved one. I am blessed to share my home with 4 of these amazing creatures!

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that’s on your knees
I like the way you still say please while you’re lookin’ up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease

Lyrics from a Nickelback song I heard this morning on the way to work that never fail to turn me on. Of course we all know which line it is that just makes me a puddle of wet, writhing mush don’t we? Ding, ding, ding…you have won if you chose line #3!

Those four lines paint an entire picture for me, and it’s terribly erotic. It is a picture of myself on my knees on the floor of a dirty hotel room or public bathroom, my pants feverishly shoved into a messy, tangled heap at my feet. He towers over me (sometimes it is a specific “he” sometimes not, but always he is towering over me) his bulging cock inches from my face as I look up at him and whisper “please.” That “please” means so many things…please let me suck your cock for you, please relieve this ache between my legs, please fuck me, please tell me what to do, please use me for your pleasure, please let me belong to you.

I am wet just thinking about what the word “Please” means to me.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

You and Tequila

I am not in a good place this weekend. I swear sometimes I think I just don't want to be content. Sometimes I think there is just something too terribly boring and ordinary in being happy with my life. Whatever the cause, the last few days have not been good ones. I comfort myself with the thought that most of the great artists were also nut cases!!

Thus, this song is on my mind. In my case, however it would be "You and Vodka make me crazy."

"One is one too many, one more is never enough..." seems a neat, succinct synopsis of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that thought.

P.S. It is now Thursday and I am out of my self imposed funk. Fortunately I do know what brought it on, and have corrected it. Let's just say it had something to do with my illness a few weeks ago and the drugs they gave me, and leave it at that.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

New Jewlery

I had to have my annual mammogram today. The inconvenient part about this is that I had to go down to the tattoo shop where I had my nipples pierced and have them remove my hoops and install plastic "filler" bars before going for the mammogram. Jay offered to remove them for me, however, the way these hoops are set up requires bending the metal hoop just wide enough with a pair of pliers to remove the metal ball in the middle holding everything together. I love my Jay, but in all honesty, I didn't trust him not to slip up and cause me unspeakable pain!!

The good part about this is that after the mammogram, I went back to the shop, purchased these lovely new hoops with glittery, dangly hearts, and had them placed back into my nipple piercing. I feel so sexy this evening with my new adornments!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Another of Life's Embarrassing Moments

I was in a fender bender car accident last Tuesday. Although I managed to keep my cool, I was highly pissed off at the time. One because it caused my daughter to miss the horse riding lesson we were on our way to attend, and because this particular car was brand new to me! I hadn’t even made the first damn payment on it yet when this guy rear ended me as I was yielding to make a right hand turn.

A little over a month ago my piece of crap car finally bit the dust for good. I was hoping and praying it would make it two more years until Jay’s car was paid off, but it wasn’t to be. So Jay and I set off one Saturday about a month ago in search of a car for me with a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach’s knowing what we could afford at the moment would likely be another piece of crap. Turns out God was listening as I prayed all the way to the first dealership as we happened upon an incredible deal on a used vehicle with rather low mileage that checked out with our mechanic at a price we could live with. While a 2005 model, this is the nicest damn car I have ever owned…leather seats, heated seats, DVD player for my daughter, 3rd row seating, and a whole host of other features too numerous to mention.

I am getting off topic here. The point of my story lies in the fact that I had a slightly sore neck and shoulders after my rear end collision. My daughter was and is perfectly fine thank goodness, and I am perfectly fine now as well. However, at the time, my neck and shoulders were a little sore. After some coaxing and bullying by Jay and one of his best friends, I was convinced to go to the doctor to have it checked out and documented in case it grew worse over the next few days.

Part of this checking out procedure of course involved X- rays. The X -ray technician had me disrobe in a little cubicle and instructed me to remove my earrings. As I was doing this I realized I had the rings in my pierced nipples. I pondered whether or not I needed to tell her, and finally decided that I did. I mean, what if the X- ray was going to rip the rings from my nipples, right?

I sheepishly said to her as I entered the X- ray room, “This is a little embarrassing, but I have my nipples pierced as well.”

She looks at me in a confused manner for a beat and says, “Can you remove them?”

Now feeling even more embarrassed, I reply, “No, I can’t. They are a locked sort of ring that I can’t remove on my own.”

She replies, “All right. It’s ok then.”

I had to make sure I was not in great peril by stating, “I was afraid the X- ray might do something horrible like rip them out,” as I laughed nervously.

She laughed as if I was an idiot and replied, “Oh no, it won’t do anything like that, honey.”

So we continued with the X-rays, and all was going well until she had me lying on the table taking X-rays of my back and exclaimed, “Boy that’s a big belly button ring you have.”

In my worry over the nipple rings I had forgotten all about the navel piercing which is dangly and rather large. I wanted to crawl under the table at this point.

“I’m sorry. I forgot all about that,” I laughed.

“Can you take that off?” she asks.

“Yes, I can,” I reply as I fumble to lift my gown while not letting her see I am not wearing panties and remove the belly ring. At this point, I am starting to hate my husband and his friend for making me come have this done, ha ha!! The only thing that redeemed the trip was the good drugs they prescribed me for the pain!

She then must retake several X-rays as I now understand why they ask you to remove all jewelry when having an X-ray. Not because it will rip the metal from your body as any idiot should know, but because it can block the radiologist’s view of the area of your body they are trying to examine in the X-ray.

I’m having a mammogram in a few days. Would you be surprised if I told you I have already made an appointment at the tattoo shop to have the nipple rings taken out for me and then put back in when I am done?!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

His Wet, Humiliated Sub

When your husband comes out of the bathroom after peeing to tell you he saved some just for you, and you get wet and tingly at the thought of being pissed on, you know you are both a freaky deviant and hopelessly his sub!

This reminds me that I don’t believe I have shared with you, dear reader, the details of the one and only time thus far he has actually peed on me which occurred a few months back.

I was blindfolded and tied down spread eagle on the bed on my stomach. It was a very intense session. I was whacked with the bamboo cane which I HATE over and over again until I legitimately began to cry. The feeling of helplessness is particularly acute when you are restrained and can do very little to escape the blows raining down on your ass.

Next came the Icy Hot on my asshole. Jay has applied the Icy Hot to me several times before sending me off to work in the morning to keep me on his mind all day. It has always resulted in an arousing mixture of pleasure and pain and accomplished the task of keeping him on my mind. This time, however, he meant business! He used much more of it than he ever has before some of which, unfortunately dripped onto my pussy…OUCH!

I took it for as long as I could coupled with more whacks from the cane until I broke. I began to cry and beg and told him he HAD to get it off me right now. He mercifully untied me and led me still blindfolded into the bathroom. He led me to the tub and told me to kneel in it.

I was terribly confused thinking he meant to wash me there in the tub. I knelt there obediently, squirming and moaning and begging him to hurry. He handed me a cold wash cloth and told me to wipe myself which I did. I found some relief this way, but longed to get in the shower and wash thoroughly.

I continued to kneel obediently, still blindfolded, still confused until I felt warm liquid on my chest and arms. At first I thought he was washing me, but the tub was not on. Then I began to sniff the air and blurted out, “Oh my God, are you peeing on me?”

I knelt there both humiliated and deeply aroused as he stood over me and pissed his warm, acrid smelling piss all over my chest and arms and belly. I felt so controlled which translated for me to also highly aroused.

When he was finished, he removed my blindfold and told me to get in the shower and clean myself up.

Afterwards, I went to him, clean and fresh smelling, and he fucked me deep and hard as we both craved.

I can’t wait for him to pee on me again…

Sunday, July 17, 2011


"Come here," he commanded in a throaty, sleep swollen voice.

I scooted my backside up against his frontside. His hands wandered to my breasts. He began to squeeze them before moving to the more delicate work at the nipple.

I had an overwhelming desire to watch his hands work on my breasts. I moved the covers down. His muscular, manly hands on my breast evoked a little cry of lust from me. My cunt responded to the sight immediately with a throbbing insistance. He worked the nipple, rolling it between his fingers, pausing to tug the ring running through my pierced nipple until I was moaning and writhing in ectascy.

He flipped me over on my back so he could work both breasts at the same time. I shoved the covers down around my knees so he could watch as I slipped a hand between my legs and began to masturbate as he continued his adoration of my breasts. My clit stood up erect and sensitive, my flowing juices making the rubbing of it even more delicious. I raised my head from the pillow to watch as he tugged at both nipple rings, my hand reaching for and grasping his hard cock. I stroked him for a few moments until my hand flew to my cunt, fingers shoved up inside it as I continued to masturbate my clit.

I climbed higher and higher until I was gasping, "I want to cum. I am going to cum, Daddy."

He squeezed my breasts hard as I bit into the pillow at the side of my head to stifle my moans of orgasm. When I had grunted and groaned my way through the last throes of pleasure, I pleaded, "I need you to fuck me now."

He spread my legs and rested them on his shoulders just before he entered me. That first entry with its soft little "pop" as the head of his cock pushes it's way through my folds is always the sweetest. I moaned quietly as he pushed his way inside my slippery hole. He rocked gently back and forth inside me, building up the pace.

As he thrust harder and harder inside me he spat out through gritted teeth, "I'm going to tie you up at a construction site and let them cum all over you," just before he emptied himself inside me with his own orgasm.

Oh how I love Sunday morning sex. Makes me glad we decided we were too lazy to get up for church this morning!


Every time I hear this song by Sara Evans I am always reminded of a time in my life that doesn't seem as long ago as it actually was. It takes me back to the seemingly endless parade of days that I "woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain/but I brushed my teeth anyway/I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face." I am instantly transported to all the mornings and afternoons I cried the entire trip back and forth to work because it provided the most privacy for letting myself cry, then tried to fix my face so no one would know I had been crying when I arrived at my destination.

The message of this song, however, is the resiliency of the human heart. It reminds us that with enough time we all can and do get over the pain of heartbreak. Some of us take just weeks or months while others of us, like me, take years. The message I want to convey here is that I am not only just a little bit stronger, but completely done with the grieving and "what if's" of letting go. If you need to hear this message, you know who you are. Believe me when I say it has happened. I hope it brings a smile to your face.

As the song says, "I know my heart will never be the same..." but that doesn't mean it is incapable of healing and moving on. I believe I posted several posts back that I recently told Jay I feel happier than I think I ever have in my life. I honestly don't know exactly why, but I also have no desire to question it.

My life feels full and meaningful again...more meaningful than it ever has. I am more in love with my husband than I have ever been. More in love even than the day I married him. As an added bonus, I feel attractive and sexy again which translates to a wonderful sex life again for Jay and I!

I am filled with energy and enthusiasm both for my job and several volunteer opportunities I have been meaning to pursue for a long time. It seems that life is good after 40 when you finally start to figure out who the hell you are, and discover that she's a pretty cool chick!

Carpe Diem, my friends!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Health Update

For those of you who may be interested, I have a health update for you. I was sent to a gastroenterologist on Thursday with the idea I may need to have an endoscopy procedure. This is a rather unpleasant sounding procedure in which the doctor places a tube with a camera on the end of it down your esophagus into your stomach to look mainly for ulcers and take a small biopsy.

I was greatly relieved to hear from the gastroenterologist that he did not feel I needed that procedure at this time. After going over all my records and tests from the ER and my primary doctor and with the sudden onset of my symptoms, he seemed to be in agreement with the ER doctor that the ibuprofen had caused small ulcerations in the lining of my stomach. He said these ulcers can take 2-4 weeks to heal completely, and he has known a few patients who took several months to get 100% back to normal. The medications I was given by my primary doctor on Monday will aid in my stomach's healing and help control the nausea. He made a follow up phone appointment with me in 3 weeks at which time he said he was confident all my symptoms would be gone.

I only managed to work a day and a half this week. As of today's writing on Saturday I am greatly improved from last week but still definately having some pain, nausea, and fatigue issues. My children and I did some volunteer work this morning at the local animal shelter and I am so exhausted now I will likely be in bed for most of the rest of the day.

I have always known that doctors caution you on the use of ibuprofen and the stomach upset it can cause for some people, but NEVER dreamed it could do this to me. I was taking prescription strength which is 800 mg 3 times a day. Just for comparison, over the counter ibuprofen is only 200 mg/ tablet so it is a significant difference. The funny thing is that I have taken presciption strength before for an ankle injury when I first started running a few years ago, and had no ill effects whatsoever. As much as I hate to say this, perhaps age plays a factor here. It does seem that once you turn 40 your body begins to fall apart...LOL.

I am relieved to know nothing is seriously wrong with me, but impatient to get back to 100% and all my normal activites.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Poor Sick Mimi

I need to whine for a moment so bear with me, dear reader. I have been horribly ill for a week now during mine and Jay's stay at home vacation no less!!

I had been having ear pain for about a week and a half which continued to worsen until it was so unbearable last Wednesday that I finally went to the doctor. My doctor diagnosed me with TMJ which is an inflammation of the jaw joint and surrounding muscles. I was given presciption ibuprofen to take 3 times a day and told to call if it did not improve. After suffering horrible pain the rest of that day and night I called the next morning to ask for something stronger for the pain.

Here comes my rant on HMO's which is our only available insurance choice via Jay's employer. I called their main number, explained my need and was then transferred to a nurse in a call center where I explained my need again. I was told a message would be sent to my doctor and they would contact me. Two hours later when we had had no return call, Jay called. He was connected to the nurse call center yet again and explained his wife was in horrible pain, neither of us had slept for much of the night and I really needed some additional pain relief. Do you know what this nurse had the audacity to say to him?

"I have sent a message to her doctor, Sir. He has 24-48 hours to get back with you."

I was stunned at the callousness of someone in a supposedly caring profession. Jay was FURIOUS! He then asked to be connected to the person in charge of the center. The extremly unhelpful nurse places Jay on hold for close to 5 minutes then returns to say she is connecting him and proceeds to connect him to a fucking voice mail! At this point, Jay is about to explode with anger.

He calls back explains the whole damn problem again and tells the nurse on the other end that he will NOT be connected to a voice mail, he MUST speak with a person. After a good 30 minutes on the phone we FINALLY get my doctor. I explain to him my pain and he gives me a prescription for Lortab and advises me to continue with the ibuprofen as well for the inflammation. By Friday my ear pain was all but resolved, but my health saga does not end there. I now had an even more serious problem which has still not resolved itself.

I awoke in the middle of the night last Thursday with horrible stomach pain. The pain continued nearly non stop until I was in tears and finally had Jay take me to the ER about 11:30 Friday evening. They thankfully gave me IV pain and anti-nausea medication which brought me relief at the time. They did blood tests and ruled out their most serious concern of a problem with my pancreas. The doctor seemed to feel I was suffering gastritis due to the ibuprofen the last couple of days. I was sent home with a presciption for Prevacid and instuctions to take the Lortab for continuing pain and follow up with my doctor if the pain continues.

This was Friday night. After a weekend of suffering and increasing nausea so severe I could not sit up for more than 15-30 minutes at a time, Jay took me back to the doctor on Monday. I was sent for an ultrasound where they ruled out any problems with my gall bladder, pancreas or liver.

My doctor now believes I have a peptic ulcer. I was given 3 different medications and told to call again Thursday to report how I am feeling and the next steps to be taken. The medication has thankfully greatly relieved my nausea and my stomach pain has somewhat improved, but I am still quite miserable and very easily fatigued.

After being on vacation last week (which pretty much sucked since I have been sick since Wednesday) I really needed to get back to work, but have been unable to return. I plan to return tomorrow, but don't expect to make it more than half the day especially since I cannot take the pain medication while at work.

The one and only upside to all of this is that I have lost 5 pounds since last week...LOL. I can't recall ever being so sick that I have lost my appetite for any period of time. It is a very strange phenomenon for me, but damn I ought to get a little something out of this suffering! I have not been able to exercise for over a week which is driving me nuts, so I guess it is a good thing I have lost my appetite!

So there it whining session. If you have read all the way to the bottom, thank you, dear reader. I will NEVER again take my health for granted and long to return to my normal life.

Friday, July 8, 2011

A New, Submissive Me

It has been some time since my last post...I apologize for that. Life seems to have a way of getting in the way of blogging. I suppose I did leave everyone hanging a bit with my last post. The much anticipated meeting with our new Mentor never happened due to unforseen developments in his personal life. He did teach us much and advance us further down our D/s path, however without me ever having met him in person at all. For that I thank you Sir. I have continued to make some great strides lately in my quest to submit to Jay.

I really cannot explain it, but something seems to have just fundamentally shifted in me as a person and as a submissive of late...all for the better. Overall, I find myself feeling much more self confident than normal, most especially at work but in my personal life as well. I am much more willing to engage with others socially, and just much happier in general. I told Jay the other day that I feel happier lately than I think I ever have in my life, yet the old pessimist in me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop as if this can't possibly last forever. I really cannot point to anything in particular responsible for this change as I have been doing nothing at all different in my life.

On the D/s side of things, I feel much more sexual in general with a greatly increased libido. More than that, I truely see Jay as my Master now. I respect him and wish nothing more than to please him with my submission. This new vision culminated in a most pleasing and erotic visit to a local dungeon last Saturday.

Upon entering the place, Master sat on a sofa and directed me to sit on the floor at his feet. He had me retrieve my collar from his bag and present it to him to fasten around my neck. After some time just sitting, he led me around the place by my leash observing and investigating the various pieces of furniture and play things that were there.

After a little more sitting at Master's feet hoping the folks using the St. Andrew's cross would soon be finished with it which they were not...ha, ha....Master had me remove my dress and kneel before him in position 3. He chose to place me on my knees in a stocks like device. He then rubbed my back and bottom with a soft piece of rabbit fur until I felt like purring. From there the crop was brought out and used to smack and warm my ass up. Master then moved on to the flogger as I moaned with his attentions. As the stocks had me in a quite uncomfortable physical position, Master eventually freed me, and chained me face down by the wrists in a standing position to another piece of furniture which I find difficult to describe. It was padded, and shaped rather like a honeycomb of sorts, and curved such that I could recline against it.

Here Master again took out the flogger and began to flog my backside in earnest. I could hear him chatting with a couple who had been watching us. When the flogger was put away, I heard the man ask Master, "Is that bamboo?" at which I began to whimper. I HATE the bamboo cane. It hurts, hurts, hurts. Master rubbed it gently against my backside as I whimpered softly. He began to lighly flick me with it as I tried not to wiggle about too much, already anticipating the sting I knew was coming. Master toyed with me for a bit with light little strokes before unleashing one stinging blow which caused me to cry out.

With that, he put the bamboo cane away, unchained me, offered me some much needed water, as it was very hot in the dungeon and I was coated in a sheen of sweat. When I was suffuciently rested, he shackled me to the device again, face up this time. He then brought out the crop again and began to smack my breasts with it. After some time of this, he retrieved the clothes pins from his bag and began to affix them to my breasts. He allowed a male member of the group that had assembled to watch to caress me as he did this. When the clothes pins were affixed to his liking to my breasts, he ordered me to spread my legs father apart and began to affix them to my labia. I moaned with the sensation, flying high on endorphins already.

Master then began to lightly strike me with the crop, warming me up for the blows that would smack the clothes pins off my breasts. His assistant continued to caress me all over. I felt the male member of the couple who had been watching all night slide his finger into my hand. He had told us earlier as he watched my flogging he had wanted to grip my hand to see how hard I would squeeze and thereby judge the pain I was experiencing. When Master felt I was good and ready he began to smack clothes pins off my breasts one by one. I groaned and cried out with the pain and pleasure, my head tossing to and fro. When all the clothes pins had been smacked off, Master lovingly rubbed me down with the soft rabbit fur. The sensation was exquisite.

He then moved to the clothes pins on my pussy, running his hands over them and batting at them a bit. I hoped and trusted Master would not be so sadistic as to smack those off with the flogger as well, but was preparing myself for whatever he decided his pleasure would be. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard him tell the couple, "I would not be so sadistic as to smack these off." He began to gently remove them one by one. I cried out with the sharp sensation of pain as blood began to flow back into my labia.

Other pleasures occured during the evening. I was eventually bound by wrists and ankles to the St. Andrew's cross and given another good flogging. Master brought out the large wooden paddle which I also greatly hate! It was given to him as a gift by Mistress Faye's husband some time ago. He lightly rubbed it against my ass teasing me while eventually only giving me a light blow with it. Through the course of the evening, I had the flogger, crop, paddle and whip used on my backside leaving some rather lovely although not terribly numerous marks on my backside...we planned to go to the pool the next day and Master was making a careful attempt not to mark me in areas that would show outside my bikini bottom!

The evening culminated in Master leading me on all fours to the dog cage there. He had me crawl in, still naked. He leaned over and told me to begin to masturbate. I wanted to resist, I wanted to say no, but I wanted even more than that to submit and please my Master. So I reached a hand between my legs and began to masturbate as a roomful of people alternately watched and continued their own conversations. It was humiliating, and I was soaking wet! When this had gone on for some time, Master unlocked the cage and led me out on all fours. He whispered to me that he had a treat for me.

He had me crawl over to a very attractive, and completely naked girl who had been making pointed eye contact with me while I was in the cage. Master then directed me to provide her oral pleasure until she came.

I began to kiss her, tasting her warm wet tongue. I moved down to her breasts, young and firm and a little smaller than my own. I sucked them into my mouth, biting gently at the nipple. After some time spent with her beautiful breasts, I licked and kissed my way down her tummy to her smooth shaven mound. I parted her lips and began to suck her clit. At that same time, her Master grabbed her by the neck and began to squeeze at which she cried out loudly. I hesitated, thinking I had done something to hurt her or something otherwise altogether wrong until I caught the look of ectascy on her face. Her Master laid her back against the bed on which she sat and continued to apply pressure to her throat as I eagerly licked her clit and slid a finger inside her sloppy wet pussy.

I must admit I felt a bit inept and unsure of myself. I have the same equipment, you would think it would be a no brainer that I would know what to do to pleasure her. Still I was entirely unsure I was doing it correctly. When I expressed this to Jay later in the evening he jokingly asked if he was going to have to teach me how to eat pussy, ha, ha! Her clit seemed rather small much like my own. I licked and sucked while fucking her with my finger until she writhed and moaned about and seemed to be genuinely pleasured.

This scene was pretty much the close of our evening. Jay and I soon left after this. Reading this account back now, it sounds like some sort of letter to Penthouse, entirely made up and out of the realm of the possible, yet I assure you it all was indeed very real. I feel that a new world has been opened to Jay and I with a simple change in my own mindset that seemed to have simply come of its own accord with little conncious thought or decision on my part. Our sex these last few weeks has been AMAZING. I dont recall it ever being better in the 13 years we have been together. I feel closer and more in love with him than ever. Life is very good right now.

Friday, May 20, 2011


Tomorrow I will be meeting our D/s mentor for the first time. Jay had a fairly lengthy meeting with him several weeks ago. I have communicated with him extensively via phone and text, but not yet seen him in person.

I am both giddy with excitement and extremly anxious. I have pitched several temper tantrums,and at times exhibited behavior unbecoming of a submissive. I have been told I will receive the proper discipline for my behavior. Our new mentor means business, this I know. He is good at what he does. He won't be inclined to go easy on me as Jay often is. He will teach Jay not to go easy on me.

I need this. I crave this. I fear this.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Sting

After the concert last Saturday, Jay had a little fun of a different sort in store for me. When we returned to the car he assisted me in removing my corset which was succeeding in compressing my lungs until I could barely breathe (thank God I didn’t live during the Victorian Era), and handed me a sheer tank top to put on which left my pierced nipples and breasts quite visible. I was a bit disturbed and fussy about this happening right in the parking lot where plenty of people continued to walk by, but made the wardrobe change as quickly and discretely as possible in the car.

I was then ordered to give him my wrists so that he could bind them with the wrist cuffs which I did without complaint. Just before he placed my blindfold on I spied the penis gag in his hand. I begged not to be gagged. My mouth was dry, my throat was a bit sore from all the screaming and singing, and I just didn’t feel I could do it. He was kind to me offering to leave the gag off if I promised to keep silent. The blindfold was put into place, and we were off to his desired destination as I sat nervously in the passenger seat. I tried to ask a few questions to which I got, “I’m going to put the gag on.” After that I was silent because I knew he meant it.

My mind raced as I tried to imagine what it was he had in store for me. I feared we were going back to a club we had visited a few months ago that I had found undesirable. Perhaps, I thought, he has arranged my first meeting with our new mentor, but knew that was unlikely for several different reasons. I worried and fretted about what he had in store for me and whether or not I would be able to please him with my participation.
I felt oh so tired after the evening’s festivities at the concert. All I really wanted to do was go home. I was having a rather hard time maintaining the proper interest and enthusiasm for this little excursion.

When the car finally stopped, he came around to the passenger side and removed my cuffs. I reached for the blindfold, but he batted my hand away roughly. I began to feel panicked at the thought he might make me walk into what was obviously a public place blindfolded. He then informed me he would remove the blindfold for now, but put it back in place once we got where we were going.

When the blindfold was removed, I could see that we were at the adult bookstore we had visited some time ago which has the viewing booths in the back. There was a bar with an outdoor deck next door full of partiers eagerly watching people as they entered the adult store. I crossed my arms over my nearly bare chest and kept my eyes down in shame as we entered the store. Jay promptly told me to take my arms down from my chest as we wandered the small store.

He eventually led me to the back with the viewing booths, replaced my blindfold, and led me to a booth. I was told to sit on the stool, spread my legs and rub my cunt as he fed the machine dollars and scrolled through the porn. He unzipped his pants and told me to take out his cock and stroke him. I was tired, I had to pee, and I didn’t want to do this. I rubbed lazily for a bit, and then just stopped. As I sat there, trying to convince myself to continue with his demands…SLAP! He slapped me across the face hard. I didn’t even see it coming with the blindfold on. My face stung and my cunt was instantly wet.

I obediently got down my knees on the dirty floor and began to suck his cock with much more enthusiasm, my cheek still stinging with the blow from his palm. He had me climb back up on the stool and stroke his cock as I fingered my wet pussy. He kept going on about how he knew I wanted another cock. I desperately tried to peer underneath my blindfold, terrified that there might be someone else there. Someone that he was going to allow to fuck me or someone whose cock I would be ordered to suck. There wasn’t, of course, but he knew it would frighten me.

When he asked me where I wanted his cum, I immediately replied that I wanted it on my tits. I pulled down my top, got down on my knees and hungrily offered my tits to him. When he shot out onto them I gave a quiet cry of arousal. When he had covered my tits and chest with his orgasm, I pulled my top back up, feeling the wetness of his cum soak into the shirt. He then placed me back on the stool, and had me scroll through to find my own porn and masturbate until I came. When I did, he urged me to cry out loudly. I did my best, but I still think it was rather muted due to my concern about being heard by others in the store.

An important lesson was learned here by both of us regarding just how much my arousal and compliance can be influenced by his physical dominance. I had asked him several times in the past to slap me in the face, but he never could bring himself to more than just a tap. This is just the beginning, I hope, of a beautiful journey into dominance and submission together.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I Am A Very Lucky Woman

My husband loves me very much. I’ve always known this, but I don’t think I’ve always appreciated it as I should. I know this not because of all the things I am about to tell you he bought and did for me, but because the love behind them was palpable. It is my desire to express my appreciation for all these things to him here today.

My birthday was last week Jay always does very well for my birthday which is a challenge for him as it falls on or within days of Mother’s Day. I have never gotten a combo Mother’s Day/Birthday gift. This year though he seemed extra full of surprises.

The Friday before Mother’s Day I received a bouquet of flowers at work with two balloons wishing me Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day I received a basket of my favorite lotions from Bath and Body Works. However, my dear husband wasn’t done there.

He arranged to take our daughter to my parents for a few hours while our son was at work. He instructed me to light a few candles about the room, remove all my clothing, slip into my spa robe, and await his return. At this point I assumed he was having someone come over to give me a massage. As it turns out, he had arranged a little more than that.

There is a woman that attends and gives performances at the fetish parties we frequent; I’ll call her Ms. Dee which is fitting for a couple of reasons, not the least of which that she has very large breasts. I have had a huge crush on her for quite some time now. I’ve conversed with her briefly, but never anything of significance. At our last party, we learned that she is a licensed aesthetician, and runs her own business. She gave me her business card.

My sweet husband, knowing I would never have the nerve to call her on my own to arrange an appointment, arranged one for me. He also explained to her how I have had a little crush on her for some time now. He further made sure she was ok with performing my services while I was completely naked. She was plenty fine with it! So I received a body polishing (this involves rubbing an exfoliating substance all over my body, showering, and then rubbing body cream all over my body including my breasts as a special treat just for me), a facial and a foot treatment completely in the nude as Jay watched and enjoyed.

Jay also arranged for Ms. Dee to stay to dinner with us. I know your feverish, perverted minds want to hear about the hot lesbian sex that later ensued, but I must disappoint you in that. That’s not to say it might not happen at some point in the future…who knows. In addition to being hot, Ms. Dee is a sweetheart and now a new friend.

The next day on my actual birthday, I received a beautiful birthday cake and an MP3 player to take on my runs from my children.

What else could my wonderful husband have given me for my birthday to top that you ask…a time machine magically transporting me back to the 80’s in the form of Bon Jovi tickets for this past Saturday night!!! They are one of my very favorite bands since the teenage years. They played for nearly 3 hours. We had so much fun! There is nothing like an arena full of 20,000 people singing the entire first chorus of “Livin’ on a Prayer” while Jon simply stood on stage and listened. I swear that man just gets hotter and hotter as the years go by!

Being the more and more obedient sub I am striving to become, I wore the outfit Jay directed me to wear to the concert…black corset cinched so tightly I could barely breath and very short black skirt which I tugged at all night trying to prevent my ass from hanging out! After the concert is another story entirely, but another illustration of why I am a lucky, well loved woman. I shall attempt to post the details later this week

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Dom's Love Song

Everytime I hear this song by ShineDown I think about how it perfectly describes a Dom's relationship with his sub, and it makes me wet. What is more powerful than to be owned body and soul by a man stronger than you...physically and mentally?

Jay and I may have finally found our mentor for developing our D/s relationship in the way we would both like. I'll be keeping it to myself until it unfolds a bit more.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Get Off the Cross, We Need the Wood

Disclaimer: The following post has NOTHING to do with sex. There, I warned you.

I recently had an interesting and wonderful experience. Jay and I finally made the decision to join a health club. It’s a very nice one too…open 24/7, a resort-like swimming pool (indoor and outdoor), every imaginable class and piece of exercise equipment, spa, summer daycamps for our daughter. We are very excited about having finally joined.

When you go in to take a tour with a representative and actually join, they set you up with a “free” session with a personal trainer. I attended my “free” session on Sunday. I went in with the expectation that I would tell him or her that I have my aerobic exercise taken care of with running, tell them the areas of my body I would like to focus on toning, and he or she would direct me to and demonstrate the equipment that would best help me achieve those goals. Ah, but this was not to be, dear reader, as I soon discovered.

My assigned trainer whom we shall refer to as "Rick" immediately sat me down at a desk and had me fill out paperwork about my top three fitness goals which were as follows VERBATIM on my sheet(this will become important later):

3.Perhaps some weight loss (not my main goal)

This sheet went on to ask me to list what I ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks on a typical day. That seemed a bit much, but I went with it. For the most part I eat pretty well most days so I listed a typical day, and omitted a day when I might eat say a half a bag of Reese’s miniatures or 6 chocolate chip cookies or a bowl and a half of ice cream. Really that’s my business, not his. Rick read over the list carefully and finding little he could critique, went for the evil granola bars. “Boy you really like granola bars, don’t you? They are full of sugar. Get rid of them. Eat a protein bar instead.” When I protested that protein bars taste awful, Rick offers,” Ah well not all of them. We’ve got some great ones downstairs in the café. Check them out.” It was at this point that I began to realize this “free” personal training session was not going to be what I had hoped for.

Eventually Rick did get up and lead me into the workout area, my hopes increased that maybe now I could get what I wanted from him. Instead he led me right to his little evaluation station where he proceeded to ask me to get up on the scale to take my weight. I have quite recently made the decision that I will no longer weigh myself. I know what I weighed about 3 weeks ago, and I can tell from my clothing if I have lost, gained or maintained that weight. I no longer want to be deeply depressed or wildly ecstatic over a number on a piece of machinery. Again being the submissive sort of gal that I am, I complied with Rick’s wishes and figured he could take his number and I just wouldn’t look at it. I stood on the scale until he told me I could get down. As I did so, he gestured his head towards his computer with a very serious look obviously wanting me to take a look at the number as well. I am a human being, I couldn’t help but look. What I saw didn’t surprise me at all. I felt a bit of mild embarrassment that this total stranger (male no less) now also knew what I weighed, but I wasn’t as horrified by it as I think he wanted me to be.

We moved on from there taking various tests and measurements including the dreaded BMI. When he had determined this for me, he turned to me in his most serious of expresions and reported his findings of .35. “What does that mean?” I asked. In an even more somber delivery he replied, “This means your body is made up of 35% fat.” Again, it didn’t shock or concern me as much as it seemed to concern him.

When Rick had finished all his measurements and computations, I was handed a sheet of his findings which told me I was overweight. Really Einstein? I am shocked! I had no idea before I walked in here today that I was... dare I say the word... overweight. Remember those goals I listed at the beginning? The ones that said weight loss was not a main goal for me? Rick apparently skipped right over that part as he went on to the real purpose of our “free” personal training session which was to push his weight loss training classes and eating plan which cost quite a hefty sum over and above the monthly membership fee. I know I am not a (deep serious voice here) “personal trainer” but I am thinking that if I am running, and I desire to come in to the gym to work on my goals of toning and strengthening I just might lose a little weight as a side effect of all that.

I tell this story for a reason, dear reader. As recently as a few months ago I would have left that meeting deeply shamed and embarrassed. I would have beaten myself up as mercilessly as a Catholic nun on her period. I likely would have never returned there to work out with the “thin” people. I would have dieted and restricted myself in guilt and fear until I could stand it no longer and then binged for days or weeks until I had gained back every ounce I had managed to drop, and hated myself even more than when I began. But that didn’t happen. Other than some mild annoyance that this guy had wasted over an hour of my time I could have been spending with my daughter at the pool, I felt nothing. I left there with my self worth, confident that it wasn’t tied to a number on a scale or a BMI reading. I left there knowing that I am an attractive, sexy, lovable woman. I left with the same plan I came with... continue to run because I love it, add in some toning exercise, eat what I want when I am hungry because to do anything else makes me a crazy woman, and I just might lose some weight in the midst of all that. Would I like to lose weight? Yes. Am I about 25-30 pounds from what I consider to be a comfortable weight for myself? Yes. Will I die if I never see that weight again? No.

This shift in thought and mindset represents a huge milestone for me. It comes with decades of struggle and pain that I know many women can identify with. I no longer feel the need to nail myself to the cross because my body isn’t the right shape or size. It is such a relief and such a joyful feeling that I just can’t keep it to myself!

Friday, April 29, 2011

What He Said

This is the hottest thing that has been said to me in a very long time:

"When I smack you, your eyes will roll in your head."

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mon Cherie's Chamber Reunion

Master and I had such a wonderful time last night at Mon Cherie's Chamber reunion! By far the best night out we have had in many moons.

The Chamber was the hottest fetish club here in Atlanta in the late 90's and early 2000's until it sadly closed about 7 or 8 years ago. Jay and I frequented it fairly reguarly in those days. We were not yet experimenting with D/s play ourselves at the time, but were very intrigued and aroused by watching the shows that went on there.

When it closed, Jay and I were lost for a place to go for fun when the opportunity for a night out would arise. Ms. Mon Cherie was kicking ass and taking names last night!! She should be proud of herself for gathering the greatest group of performers, vendors and guests in the city for a hot night of lustful deviance!

As always I have pictures of the evening to share with you dear reader.

Let's begin with my new nametag Master presented me with just last weekend for wear at last night's event...

And the view I had from the end of my leash as Master paraded me about all evening...

How about a few photos of some of the performers and kinky deviants in attendance...

And now for the REAL fun... Mimi receiving a flogging and paddling from a friend of ours...

Mimi receiving a flogging and spanking from a new friend we made last night...

My bruised and battered bottom courtesy of Master Jay and friends. Towards the end of Master Jay's paddling/spanking he leaned in, rubbing my bottom, checking in with me, and I pleaded, "No more paddle, pleeeeease Sir." I would have taken anything other than the paddle at that point...flogger, crop, hand, belt...anything. I received several more whacks of the paddle just for good measure.

Mmmmm, I can't wait to go to work tomorrow with my little secret neatly hidden under my clothing, my bottom smarting each time I move in my chair reminding me of the erotic time I had this weekend.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Unbearable Affliction of Yearning

I WANT...often with a painful intensity. I want with such a raging hunger I fear it can never be satisfied. It threatens to swallow me whole, this wanting. It snarls and growls at me in it's endless demand to be satisfied.

I am a fish on a hook...writhing on my own desire. My peace of mind the sacrificial lamb to my depravity.

My mind is overwhelmed with images of filth...intwined tongues, pulsing sex organs, naked flesh, your hands, your eyes, your mouth on me.

Don't deny me again with your exhausting logic and ever present reason. Want me as I want you. Soothe the wailing voice that insists on being fulfilled. Join me in my thirst for lust, and unfetter my bound heart.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

And They're Off....

That's me in that sea of people there about to begin my first 10K. I did it!! It was a very warm 70 degrees here in Atlanta today, there were more hills than I had anticipated on this course, but I finished it. I was exhausted by the end and my time was not what I had been hoping for (1:16), but I had a great time and learned some valuable lessons for next dont let the excitement overwhelm you and start out WAY too fast the first 2 miles, train for those hills, and find a way to focus even when running amidst a crowd of people. When I run solo, I often feel peaceful, focused and "in the zone". I had a really difficult time doing that today with so many other people running alongside me.

All in all though, I had a great day topped off by accompanying my daughter and a neighbor and her daughter to the Justin Bieber movie, ha, ha!! In his defense I do have to say he is a talented kid who seems to have been raised well. He seems like a genuinely nice boy. I hope he can stay the course and not get swallowed up by the fame at such a young age.

P.S. There's a little camel-toe going on in that last picture that I thought some of you might enjoy..wink, wink.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

New Directions

Jay and I have decided that we have come to the conclusion of one facet of our odyssey of sexual exploration. We have agreed that we will no longer invite a 3rd party into our sex life. It was a scintillating idea for a time. However, of the 5 encounters we had over the past 3 years, one was so horrible I still wish I could undo it, another was unenjoyable for me and fraught with jealousy for Jay, two were actually fun and satisfying, while the 5th was hot, satisfying for me and very confusing all at the same time.

In general, I believe neither of us have ever been 100% comfortable with the idea, but each agreed to try it for our own reasons. My reasons centered around a desire to revive a failing sex drive, pleasing Jay and replacing something I had lost. He may wish to speak for himself later, but I think Jay's reasons revolved around wanting to try something new, and the simple pleasure of watching his wife have sex. He got to enjoy his own live action porn scene with his wife as the star.

It's a difficult thing to pull off. There were jealousy issues, there were hurt feelings, there were guilty and even shameful feelings for me. The small payoffs we got were not worth all of the angst that went along with it. This sort of play just never felt comfortable for me, nor truth be told, do I think if felt comfortable for Jay. I found it often unnerving and akward to engage in sexual relations with another man in front of my husband. While I did derive sexual pleasure from some of our encounters, my overriding emotion surrounding it all was shame. I can't get past the societal mores that teach me such behavior is wrong, even taboo.

It is my personal belief that intimacy between 2 people will eventually suffer if this is an ongoing lifestyle. I know there are those out there blogging away about their success and enjoyment of some variation of this "open" lifestyle. I think there are indeed a handful of couples out there for whom this works well. If it works for you, I say, embrace it and enjoy it! For Jay and me, it was not the answer.

This is certainly not to say we are returning to a simple "vanilla" sex life. I still long to be dominated, controlled, treated like his cherished little "pet." I have discovered I am more of a spank me, choke me, tie me up kind of sub than an objectify me and share me with others sub. I have found my limits the hard way it seems.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Moment in Time

His lips met hers with an urgency born of need and longing. His lips were richly full and soft as he poured his desire into her. He ran his fingers through her long, curly hair as they kissed, his body pinning hers against the hotel door as if to ward off any effort at escape. Far from running, she opened herself to him, her arms slack at her sides, her knees bent nearly to buckling as he unbuttoned her blouse and took what she ardently offered as his. This belonged to him...this moment, this time, this act. She ceaselessly offered this moment to him in her heart and mind despite distance, separation, her own confusion and his relentless fear.

As his mouth closed on her breast, her legs refused to support her any longer as she moaned her pleasure. As he wrapped his arms around her waist to support her failing legs, his eyes met hers with an intensity that took her breath away.

He breathed into her mouth, "Yes..." erasing years of longing, regret and might have beens with a single word.

She wrapped her legs around im as he carried them both to the waiting bed. They tumbled down together, his shirt chafing against her naked breasts as he lay atop her. She could feel his growing hardness against her thigh through both layers of their jeans. She heatedly tugged at his shirt, eager for the skin on skin contact.

As he knelt over her to remove the shirt, she reached out to cup the bulge at his crotch. As if they had a mind of their own, her fingers began to unzip his fly to reveal the cotton fabric of his shorts beneath. She gently cupped his balls in her hand and stroked his increasingly hard cock through the fabric until it was straining painfully at the seams of his boxers.

In one swift movement, he shucked off the jeans and shorts while tugging her jeans over her hips to join his in a discarded pile on the floor. She watched with bated breath as he loomed over her, bracing himself on either arm. She could feel her heart thudding so hard in her chest she thought surely he could hear it too as she fervently anticipated his entry into her.

Her arousal was held on a knife's edge as he joined his body with hers but delayed the entry they each craved. He gave her the full weight of his body, the skin on skin contact heightening her senses, his chest hair exquisitely glancing across her raised nipples, his cock nestled just between her legs. She could have spent hours locked in this embrace were it not for the incessant throbbing of her greedy cunt.

When she had reached her breaking point, the anguished plea on her lips, he smoothly began to work his way down her body. He knowingly paused a moment to suckle her breasts until she helplessly arched her back, her breath coming in ragged gasps as he seemed to suck the very life from her. Her cunt felt swollen to three times it's size, small rivers of arousal flowing freely down it's edges. She became dimly aware of begging him...

"Please,please, please," she chanted.

She did not know for what exactly she was begging,only that she must have it.

She felt the warmth of his face against her swollen sex seconds before his tongue met her hard little clit. She cried out as he gently inserted a finger inside her wet hole. His mouth seemed to consume her as he sucked noisly, his tongue tirelessly massaging her sensitive nub. She felt his finger slip deeper inside her, caressing her in the most intimate of ways.

She raised her head to encounter his steadfast green gaze as he playfully winked at her. She noted her own wetness smeared across his face just as she felt the steady climb into oblivion. She felt her thighs close reflexively around his head as pleasure soared through her body. When she finally floated back down to earth, she found his arms wrapped around her hips as he tenderly kissed her engorged lips.

He purposefully climbed his way back up her body until the head of his cock, slick with the juices of his arousal, lay just at the entrance to her pulsing sex. They exhaled together as he leaned forward to push his way inside her.

This simple action stirred a need within her unlike any she had ever known. She pressed her hips up to meet him, hungry to contain every inch of him. He pumped slowly, denying her the frenzied fucking she sought as he savored the sensations of entering her at a measured pace. He balanced above her as she gripped his biceps, thrilled by the hard muscle beneath her touch.

She emitted a small cry as his thrusts grew more forceful. Her breasts bounced between them as he began to pound into her. He circled his hips as he ground deeper and deeper inside her before throwing her legs over his shoulders, seeking to sink even deeper into her as her arousal dripped onto his balls.

She opened her eyes and watched him as he fucked her, his head thrown back, jaw tense with exertion, his fingers gripping her thighs with such intensity she knew she would find bruises there the next day. His thumb found it's way to her slippery clit where he rubbed in time with the rhythm of his own thrusts. She felt her body helplessly responding to him once again. She didn't want to cum just yet. She wanted to freeze this moment , wanted it to contine on and on and on without end.

As is the way of this world, nothing lasts forever, not even mind blowing sex. She listened as his moans turned to guttural groans. Her hips rotated, grinding her clit harder against his thumb despite herself. She reached underneath them to grip his tight balls just as she began to cum all over his cock.

All she could manage as she exploded with pleasure was a mindless, "Oh, oh, oooooh!"

She heard his own cries join with hers as she felt the warmth of his semen leaking onto her thighs. He collapsed on top of her, their legs a tangled heap, their breath slowing together until they were in perfect rhythm as she absently ran her fingers through his hair.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon locked in the hotel room together alternately enjoying easy conversation, laughter, and carnal delights. She avoided looking at the clock, loathe to witness the time slipping away. When she could ignore it no longer, she rose to prepare for the inevitable return to reality.

She stood naked at the bathroom counter willing herself to do what she must when he slipped in behind her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his warmth at once comforting and arousing, nibbling and biting at her neck until she shivered with pleasure. She felt his cock growing against her ass as she leaned into him with a sigh.

He bent her over the counter entering her from behind. He grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head up to watch in the mirror as he moved inside her. She enjoyed the way her heavy breasts dangled and swayed as he pumped. He slapped her ass once, twice, three times as the echo reverberated loudly in the small enclosed space. Without warning, he spun her around lifting her onto the counter before plunging inside her once again.

They fucked with an urgency fueled by desperation as the clock ticked loudly in their heads. Her body bounced violently off the mirror as he fucked her with abandon. His hand went to her throat, applying greater and greater pressure until her eyes rolled back in her head as she came all over him one last time.

She mindlessly wrapped her legs around his hips and squeezed him even deeper inside herself. He came with a churning rush of cum, collapsing against her as she drained him.

As she sat there on a hotel bathroom counter supporting his body with her own, she was strangely at peace with her fate. She would always come when he called. She would forever listen for his call even if it never came again. She was quite simply...a slave to this desire. She would from time to time pretend none of this was true until she could no longer support the ruse. She would walk through the world filling her roles properly, wearing the visage of a sane, responsible woman while her heart would continue to yearn for this perfect moment in time, unencumbered by the past or their own human frailties.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Do You Think Many People Have This Problem?

I went for a massage this afternoon. It was heavenly as always. However, as she began to massage the top of my butt, I panicked. The thought running through my mind was this, "Oh God, do I have any fresh bruises on my ass?"

After a little pondering, I realized Jay and I have not had any play sessions in the immediate past, and my ass should be free of any bruising. I relaxed once I made this determination.

Really, how many people do you suppose there are that have to stop and think about whether or not they have spanking bruises on their ass when they go in for a massage?!