I'm back, dear reader, as you may have noticed by my most recent post. I have been away for several months battling that dastardly depression that raised it's ugly head again 4 months or so ago. It finally got so bad that I found myself a new psychiatrist, got on a new medication which after 3 weeks or so began to work much better than any other medication I ever have been on, and began to see a therapist. I feel like a new person and it feels WONDERFUL!!
For any out there who may follow my blog and suffer from depression, I say to you GET THE HELP YOU NEED!! One of the ugly, frustrating (especially for those close to you) things depression does to you is rob you of your energy, your ability to make decisions, and your ability to act. This means it can be difficult to pull yourself together enough to even seek help, but in most cases, it's not going to get better until you seek treatment, be it medication, counseling or a combination of the two. I was fortunate to have Jay who continued to urge me to get my medication changed, and seek help. There is also a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness that prevents some from admiting they have a problem and seeking help. To this I say, it is a medical condition just like diabetes, high blood pressure or any other physical malady and NOTHING to be ashamed about. You can feel so much better, and live a healthy happy life if you just seek out the right treatments.
My Jay has been very supportive through all this, although admittedly very frustrated at times. He constantly reassured me that we would get through this and everything would be ok. This Sugarland song always makes me think of him and how he has tried to support and help me through this. He truely is my best friend, my lover and my partner in this crazy world.
"So when your heart is heavy like a stone from carrying it's load/And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know/When the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat/I will shine the light"
This is quite an apt description of what depression feels like for me.
"Some roads we all will have to walk alone/But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you friend/That's me, clapping the loudest, welcoming you home."
I feel that I have been absent from my life altogether for the past several months, and although Jay could not experience the pain and misery with me, he was my comfort and my cheerleader urging me to find my way back.
I hope to be sharing naughty, debaucherous thoughts with you again soon.