Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Disappointment and Well Wishes

My Jay and I discovered a BDSM club some several years ago when I first began to become interested in that type of play. For quite a long time I never seriously considered actually going, but as our sex play has gradually become a little bit more public, and we have tentatively begun to entertain the idea once again of allowing others into our bedroom, Jay and I began to discuss giving the place a visit once again. Poor Jay has been attempting to get me there literally for months, several times I have even agreed to go only to back out at the last minute with one excuse or another.

Here's a little thing about me...I am terribly fearful of the unknown and dislike any sort of change because it is, yes say it with me...UNKNOWN. There are many examples I could provide that illustrate this annoying trait, but I'll just give you a rather amusing one. I am the person who goes to the grocery store and MUST navigate through it in the exact same order each time...i.e. if I end up going down an aisle I usually walk up, it drives me nuts. That example is rather amusing, but there are others that are a bit more life challenging that I wont get into at the moment. It's one of those annoying traits that Jay has just grown to accept in me as his spouse while also challenging me to break out of it from time to time. Isn't that what a good marriage partner will do for us...accept and support our personality quirks while every now and then giving us a nudge to improve them?

I say all this to say, I wasn't fooling Jay with all my "excuses" about why we couldn't or I didn't feel like visiting this club. He knew I was simply afraid because I did not know what to expect there. He finally called me on it this past weekend and forced my hand. I had promised we would go, so even when I tried to back out once again at the last minute, he didn't go for it. So I got showered, got all dressed up, swallowed my fear and got in the car. We had put our daughter to bed, and had our 16 year old babysitting. This was not to be a terribly wild night of debauchery, for that would require spend the night services of the grandparents. This was simply to be a night of let's be home by midnight, go check this place out, and determine if it is a playground we are interested in returning to again.

I was a bit nervous the entire ride there even more so as we neared our destination. We finally arrived, got out of the car, walked up to the door and...the fucking place was CLOSED!. Temporarily closed for a private event, but still closed! After all that build up, we went home no wiser than we had come. I've agreed to try it once again in a couple of weeks when we do have grandparent spend the night services for my birthday. Stay tuned for more...

On another note, I've been rather disturbed this week by the news of Brett Michaels' illness. Jay first heard it and told me about it Sunday, and my heart sank. I was honestly not a huge fan of glam rock as a teenager...tending more towards the likes of bands like The Smiths, Depeche Mode, U2, The Cure, Duran Duran with a little Bon Jovi and Def Leppard thrown in for good measure. However, as an adult I have come to experience a sense of fondness and new found enjoyment of those fun glam rock bands like Poison. I think more than anything I feel a sense of wistful nostalgia for anything that reminds me of my youth.

I received Jay's news on Sunday with the dread that it would soon be followed with news of his death, and I realized I would experience a measure of grief with that. I'm only 40 years old, the idols of my youth are NOT supposed to be dying off just yet. I wasn't ready to add him to the list...most notable for Jay and I being...Freddy Mercury,Joe Strummer,Kevin DuBrow (remember Quiet Riot?!), and Michael Hutchence.

I am glad to hear over the past few days, that while not out of the woods, Brett is not likely to drop dead either, and is hopeful of making a full recovery. I wish him healthy days ahead and send him prayers and well wishes.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Honoring the Memory of Those We Love

My grandmother passed away one year ago today, a little over one month shy of her 88th birthday. My grandfather followed her just 6 weeks later at the age of 93. My father was an only child as am I which made me their only grandchild who was fiercly doted over.

Their passing has had a profound influence on me. That event along with a few others that have occurred over the past several years have left me feeling that I have indeed lost what remained of my innocence. I am left with no doubt that pain and tragedy come to us all indiscrimanently. As I approach my 40th birthday just a few short 4 weeks away, I have matured enough to understand that while pain (emotional or physical) is an inescapable fact of every human existance, it is also a valuable tool when we choose to use it as such. I’ve discovered that every “painful” experience offers a profound opportunity for spiritual growth and understanding if I simply recognize it as such. It’s typically not until I get to the other side of the pain that I can see that.

My grandparents lived about 2 and a half hours from me in a neighboring state. While I was in close contact with them as a child and young adult, once I married and had a family of my own, that contact was less abundant on my end as my life filled with the busyness of work, marriage, and raising children. While I did prepare several meals to be delivered to them as my parents were struggling to care for them during the last few months of their lives, I’ve struggled with a deep sense of guilt because I feel that I should have spent more time with them and been of more help. I can admit now that I was afraid. I was frightened of their illness, their old age, and their impending death. I continued to take them for granted right up to the very end, unwillling to believe someone I loved so much would actually be taken from me. I had never before lost someone so close. This sort of thing happened to other people, even people I was very close to, but not directly to me.

I did have the honor of sitting at my Granny’s bedside for two days as she lay unconcious and ultimately dying in the hospital. I was privileged to hold her wrinkled hand, stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, and tell her how much I loved her. I was afforded some alone time with her during which I whispered to her my regret at not spending more time with her over the past several years. It was also important for me to tell her it was alright for her to go. I knew she would be deeply worried about my Granpa. I assured her we would take good care of him, and that he would be with her soon.

When the call came from my father several days later that she had passed, I couldn’t help but sob even though my little girl was right there with me. We had had the talk with her just a few days prior that Great-Granny was very sick and going to heaven soon. My then 5 year old daughter said the most amazing thing to me. She wrapped her little arms around my waist and said, “It’s ok Mommy. Great-Granny is happy. She’s with her Mommy now.”

I had the pleasure of being with my Granpa just a week before he passed. I watched his face light up as my daughter skipped into the room behind me to visit him. She sat on his lap and shared french fries with him as he held tightly to my hand.

I had the privilege of reading the 23rd Psalm at my grandmother’s funeral as she had requested, and delivered what I hope was a properly repectful eulogy at my grandfather’s funeral that made both of them proud.

I now have in my home a secretary built by my Granpa for my Granny housing all of her little knick knacks. They had made it clear several times that this item was to go to me when they passed. The day we went to retrieve it from their home we discovered a note taped to the back that my Granny had written some 7 years earlier, addressed to me. The general message of the note being how much they loved me, and what a special piece of furniture this was.

When I pass by this piece of furniture in my house now I am reminded of my Granny's laugh which I can still hear very clearly and my Granpa's pet phrase for me..."bright eyed and bushy-tailed" (yes I am a Southern girl through and through!) I am also reminded of the things my grandparents taught me…that I am well loved, that it is possible to be completely devoted to your spouse after 59 years of marriage, that this world is but a temporary stop on our cosmic journey, that I should pay attention and learn well from every life that touches mine, and that no one ever truly dies.

I have become a closet country music fan over the past several years much to Jay’s disgust…LOL. Allen Jackson’s “Small Town Southern Man” always brings to mind wistful memories of my Granpa. I miss my grandparents dearly today. Listen to it for me, and help me honor the memory of my grandparents today.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Unexpected Domination

Sunday morning found me sucking Jay's cock to pleasure him while my monthly visitor did her "thing." I was siting beside him in the bed, bent over him, my back to him as I voraciously sucked his stiff cock. I paused every now and then to lick and suck his deliciously smooth balls;moved back to slurp and suck his cock as I squeezed and stroked cock and balls at the same time while my pussy pulsed with excitement. As I worked his cock, he held my hair out of my face for me so that I could more fully focus my attention on his pleasure.

Suddenly, without warning, he gripped that handful of hair and flung me on my back onto my pillow. It was such an unexpeced, forceful, dominant act. In a word... it was HOT. I am still thinking of it today.

He simply wanted to look at my naked body as he stroked himself. When he was at the edge of orgasm, he shoved me back down onto his cock in order to receive his gift into my mouth.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

An Afternoon Quickie

This past week was Spring Break here for us here in Hotlanta. One particular afternoon Jay and I were afforded the fortuitous opportunity to be alone in the house together and free to fuck with abandon.

I caught him in between conference calls in the late afternoon. I informed him I was going to the bedroom to get naked, and waited for him to follow. He of course did, like a hunting dog on the scent. I stripped off my dress, leaving my black, sandled heels on. Jay soon followed me, and had me bend over the side of the bed, offering him my ass. I willingly offered it to him as he took out the bamboo cane. The blows built up hard and fast as the sharp "smack" of cane meeting flesh reverberated through the bedroom. I moaned and groaned with a mixture of pleasure and pain as Jay continued his fun with my bottom.

He eventually ordered me to turn over and get up on the bed. I willingly obeyed, speading my legs over his shoulders as he entered me, hard and fast. He fucked my needy cunt as I rubbed my clit hard and fast. It seemed no time at all until my pussy was gripping his cock in orgasm. When he knew I had been pleasured, he began to plunge even faster and harder into me, eventually depositing his warm cum inside me as he whispered, "I want you to eat my cum out of your pussy, baby."

When he lay down beside me, I shoved two fingers inside myself, scooped out his precious deposit and brought it to my lips. I sucked Jay's cum from my fingers as he watched, and stroked my hair with a wry smile on his face.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Toy Review:Droplet Necklace and Lambskin Tassels

It is once again my pleasure to offer you a review of a new toy sent to me by my dear Shelly at Shelly’s Toy Box. She must think I’ve been a really good girl lately because she sent me a bonus item to review for you as well! She also has a nice little bonus for all my readers…a 15% discount at her site when you use my special little code, what else but, milf.

My first little gift is a Droplet Necklace by Incoqnito in silver…they also offer gold if you are a gold jewelry kind of girl. This item also comes packaged quite eloquently in a discrete black box and wrapped in a soft, black cloth pouch. Two pendants fashioned from fine metals hang from a 43” stainless steel chain. The nipple is placed in the leather loops attached to each pendant sliding the metal bead downward to tighten and secure. Here’s the part that REALLY excited me about this product…those pendants vibrate! Each pendant is powered by 2 tiny LR48 batteries which the manufacturer is kind enough to supply 8 of with the product. You simply twist the end of each pendant to activate the vibration and twist in the opposite direction to deactivate it. Care of the necklace is very simple. The manufacturer recommends the necklace be stored in its original box and soft pouch. An occasional polishing with a soft cloth will help maintain the original lustrous finish of the product. The product also comes with a one year limited warranty from the manufacturer, Incoqnito. They will repair or replace any item that appears to have any defects in materials or workmanship under normal use for up to one year from the date of purchase when purchased from an authorized retailer like my dear Shelly.

Now that we have all the particulars out of the way let’s get down to what you really want to know…how much fun and pleasure did it provide Jay and I?! I must say I was so excited when Shelly described this particular item to me. I am a girl who really enjoys nipple stimulation. I can come very close to orgasm simply by having Jay twist and pinch my nipples. The idea of having my nipples vibrated potentially out in public underneath my clothing while appearing to be wearing a fashionable piece of jewelry was positively thrilling. I am rather disappointed to report that the product simply did not work that well for me for two reasons.

The first and most important reason is that the vibrations were not at all strong enough for me. In all honesty I could not even tell if the pendants were turned on at all without feeling them with my fingers. I tried moving them to all sorts of positions, even holding them directly on my nipples with little stimulation. As I mentioned before, my nipples are quite sensitive and quite an erogenous zone for me so I was rather surprised that I could derive little to no pleasure from such an ingenious item.

The second and probably equally important reason I was disappointed in this toy is that, try as I might, I could not get the leather loops to remain securely fastened to my nipples. I don’t think there is anything particularly unusual about the size or shape of my nipples that would have contributed to the problem. They are neither particularly small nor large. Jay and I both took turns at twisting and tweaking the nipples while slipping them through the leather loops and tightening only to have the nipples slip free with the slightest movement. The first time I had just showered and applied lotion which I thought was likely the cause of our problem. Several nights later we tried it again before I had showered and applied lotion with the same frustrating result. The third time we attempted to play with the toy I tried icing my nipples and blowing on them to cause them to harden nicely, yet still could not get the loop to remain on my nipples for any length of time.

Aesthetically, the necklace is very lovely. It loops around the neck and then back around as the pendants drop to the level of the nipples. I felt very feminine and sexy looking at myself in the mirror or in the pictures Jay took; however, from a performance point of view the Droplet Necklace fell far short of the mark. I love the idea of an item that vibrates against my nipple. I think I might have enjoyed a design that incorporated nipple clamps rather than the leather loops used here. I believe a clamp design would have provided both more intense stimulation as well as a more secure method of fastening to the nipple.

I am pleased to report that sweet Shelly sent me a second little “surprise” item with my latest shipment. I had quite a lot of fun with it, and anticipate more fun in the future. It was a pair of lambskin tassels to be worn also on the nipples. The tassels are made of black lambskin with rose gold plating on the tips and fasteners, and also come packaged in an elegant black box and black, cloth pouch.

This was quite the pleasing item. They fit snuggly and securely on my nipples, causing increased sensitivity in them as they squeeze them tight. I had the pleasure of wearing them out in public for my Jay last Sunday as we ran some weekend errands. I even went braless for him so that my erect nipples would be even more prominent. I took great delight in the secret that was just underneath the thin cotton of my shirt. I shivered with pleasure as the metal tips occasionally brushed against my skin. Jay and I noticed that the tips have very tiny rings on the ends of them which we speculated might possibly be used for attaching a weight.

When we returned home, Jay and I stole away to our bedroom while our daughter played with her friends down the street. I pulled my shirt over my head for him, to reveal my hard nipples still wrapped in the soft lambskin tassels. He flicked his tongue over my now highly sensitive nipples as I gasped and arched my back. Intense sex ensued as my breasts bobbed and swayed with their luxurious lambskin adornments.

In conclusion, while aesthetically pleasing, the Droplet Necklace failed to deliver the pleasure I anticipated it would provide. I would give it 3 Big O’s for the wonderful idea behind the design and the fashion statement it makes. The lambskin tassels receive 9 Big O’s for their comfort, nipple stimulation, attractiveness, and the titillating fun they provide when worn under one’s clothing.