Another of Life's Embarrassing Moments

I was in a fender bender car accident last Tuesday. Although I managed to keep my cool, I was highly pissed off at the time. One because it caused my daughter to miss the horse riding lesson we were on our way to attend, and because this particular car was brand new to me! I hadn’t even made the first damn payment on it yet when this guy rear ended me as I was yielding to make a right hand turn.

A little over a month ago my piece of crap car finally bit the dust for good. I was hoping and praying it would make it two more years until Jay’s car was paid off, but it wasn’t to be. So Jay and I set off one Saturday about a month ago in search of a car for me with a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach’s knowing what we could afford at the moment would likely be another piece of crap. Turns out God was listening as I prayed all the way to the first dealership as we happened upon an incredible deal on a used vehicle with rather low mileage that checked out with our mechanic at a price we could live with. While a 2005 model, this is the nicest damn car I have ever owned…leather seats, heated seats, DVD player for my daughter, 3rd row seating, and a whole host of other features too numerous to mention.

I am getting off topic here. The point of my story lies in the fact that I had a slightly sore neck and shoulders after my rear end collision. My daughter was and is perfectly fine thank goodness, and I am perfectly fine now as well. However, at the time, my neck and shoulders were a little sore. After some coaxing and bullying by Jay and one of his best friends, I was convinced to go to the doctor to have it checked out and documented in case it grew worse over the next few days.

Part of this checking out procedure of course involved X- rays. The X -ray technician had me disrobe in a little cubicle and instructed me to remove my earrings. As I was doing this I realized I had the rings in my pierced nipples. I pondered whether or not I needed to tell her, and finally decided that I did. I mean, what if the X- ray was going to rip the rings from my nipples, right?

I sheepishly said to her as I entered the X- ray room, “This is a little embarrassing, but I have my nipples pierced as well.”

She looks at me in a confused manner for a beat and says, “Can you remove them?”

Now feeling even more embarrassed, I reply, “No, I can’t. They are a locked sort of ring that I can’t remove on my own.”

She replies, “All right. It’s ok then.”

I had to make sure I was not in great peril by stating, “I was afraid the X- ray might do something horrible like rip them out,” as I laughed nervously.

She laughed as if I was an idiot and replied, “Oh no, it won’t do anything like that, honey.”

So we continued with the X-rays, and all was going well until she had me lying on the table taking X-rays of my back and exclaimed, “Boy that’s a big belly button ring you have.”

In my worry over the nipple rings I had forgotten all about the navel piercing which is dangly and rather large. I wanted to crawl under the table at this point.

“I’m sorry. I forgot all about that,” I laughed.

“Can you take that off?” she asks.

“Yes, I can,” I reply as I fumble to lift my gown while not letting her see I am not wearing panties and remove the belly ring. At this point, I am starting to hate my husband and his friend for making me come have this done, ha ha!! The only thing that redeemed the trip was the good drugs they prescribed me for the pain!

She then must retake several X-rays as I now understand why they ask you to remove all jewelry when having an X-ray. Not because it will rip the metal from your body as any idiot should know, but because it can block the radiologist’s view of the area of your body they are trying to examine in the X-ray.

I’m having a mammogram in a few days. Would you be surprised if I told you I have already made an appointment at the tattoo shop to have the nipple rings taken out for me and then put back in when I am done?!!