May We Begin Now?

Jay and I have taken a step back from out headlong plunge into D/s play. We have been re-grouping and rethinking, listening and talking to each other this past week. This re-grouping we have each separately and collectively decided calls for no outside play partners as Jay and I learn and grow in the lifestyle.

We recently had the very good fortune to meet another married couple much more experienced in the lifestyle than us. We met them indirectly through my blog post describing our August fetish party visit as Mon Cherie, who throws the parties, posted a link to the post via her Facebook page. We had the privilege of meeting in person at last month’s party, but really did not get to spend a large amount of time chatting as they were vendors at the event.

My new friend whom I shall call Mistress Faye took pity on me when reading last week’s post. She sent an e-mailed reply and has since taken on a mentoring/teaching type of role for Jay and me.

We are both feeling much better about our path after exchanging some very honest communication both verbally and via letters we each wrote this weekend expressing what we wanted to give and receive from each other via a D/s relationship as well as what our expectations were.

The light bulb moment came for me when realizing in the course of a conversation with Mistress Faye that I had been expecting Jay to simply “know” what to do and say in his dominant role to bring me to that “quivering puddle” state of submission when he was as much of a novice as I was. I didn’t even really give him many hints about what I desired, expecting that as a dominant he should just “know.” I was then disappointed when he didn’t just “know” what to do and assumed I would have to get those needs met in a 2nd dominant.

Until recently our D/s play had been confined to our own bedroom over the past 5 years with a few books for instruction, but no real contact and conversations with real live people experienced in the lifestyle. It seems comical and unfair to me now that I just expected Jay to have it all figured out because he was “naturally dominant.” As my new friend Mistress Faye pointed out, “Was the dominance fairy supposed to just come to him in a dream?”

I am also now able to articulate that much of what I felt was lacking in Jay’s dominance was the psychological aspect. He is quite good at the physical administration of discipline (although there is still much to learn regarding the use of various toys), but I long for that “mind fuck” that also goes along with a D/s relationship.

So we are back to square one, both admitting we have much to learn, both agreeing we want to learn, and grateful our new friends seem willing to offer their help and experience with no hint of any hidden agendas. Although I do need to note that Mistress Faye has very large, full breasts and we all know how I LOVE big boobs, ha, ha!!

This weekend my task from Mistress Faye was simply to adore Jay. I was to find ways to offer to serve him and ask for permission to do so. Fortunately, after some fall clothes shopping for our daughter Saturday morning, the rest of the day was rather open for us.

My Jay had been complaining of foot pain for several days which was made worse by 2.5hours of shopping that morning. I saw an opportunity to serve him and I seized it. I asked if I might massage his foot for him to which he readily assented. He went on to wonder as I rubbed his foot if I still had my foot spa in which he might soak his foot. Without being asked or told to do so, I went upstairs, retrieved the foot spa from our closet and set it up for him as he prepared himself some lunch.

When he had finished lunch, he sat in a chair in front of the spa I had prepared for him. Before beginning, I knelt in front of him, laid my head on his large chest and told him I respected him and wanted to grow in my respect for him even more. I asked Daddy to please allow us to begin again down this path of a D/s relationship.

I was first told I was to address him now as Master rather than Daddy, that only on special occasions would he allow me to address him as Daddy. He then asked if I was willing to obey and submit to him fully as my Master to which I replied whole heartedly that I was. He then gave his permission to engage in our path of D/s once again.

After this, I gently lifted each foot into the warm foot bath I had prepared for him and turned the massaging jets on. After allowing him to soak for a while, I asked if he was ready for his massage. I had obtained lotion the previous evening with a eucalyptus scent I knew he found pleasing in preparation for another service I planned for him that evening. I carefully lifted each foot from the foot bath and dried them off. I then began to massage his feet and legs with the refreshing scented lotion.

I felt a slight throbbing being between my legs as I knelt there serving him. I would have liked to have done it naked, but our son was upstairs in his room and our daughter was off playing with friends, likely to burst in the house at any time. His moans and groans of pleasure were enough to let me know my service was pleasing to him. When the massage was complete I asked for permission to kiss his feet. When granted permission, I leaned over and kissed the top of each foot feeling wholly submissive and worshipful.

That night after our son had gone to spend the night with a friend and our daughter was tucked into bed with all the dogs, I asked Master if I might bathe him. He replied that I could. I had cleaned the tub thoroughly earlier in the day in hopes that he would allow me to service him in this way. I scurried into the bathroom and began to draw the bath water. I then lit some scented candles about the bedroom, removed my gown and waited at the bedroom door for him, naked.

He soon appeared and ordered me to finish the remainder of the bath preparations(gathering his towel and wash cloth, soap and shampoo) on my hands and knees. When the bath was drawn, I crawled to him in the bedroom, knelt before him, unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, let them fall to the floor, and held them as he stepped out of them. I folded his shorts neatly before asking permission to stand and remove his shirt for him. When this too was folded neatly over his shorts, I crawled on hands and knees to the bathroom as he followed.

When he settled into the tub, I gently poured hot water over his chest and belly. I asked if he was ready for me to wash his hair now. When he indicated I could begin, I tipped his head back and gently poured warm water over his hair. I then lathered and massaged his scalp, moving down to his shoulders for a short massage before tipping his head back and carefully rinsing the shampoo out.

I then moved on to lather the wash cloth and began bathing his body. He reached out to play with my breasts and pierced nipples as I bathed his arms, chest and belly. He then stood in the tub as I remained kneeling beside it to wash his back, buttocks and legs. I gently washed his scrotum and penis, being careful not to linger unnecessarily lest I be perceived to be taking liberties I had not been given permission to take. I then lovingly poured the warm water over his body to rinse him. Finally, I massaged his feet as I lathered and washed them clean. When this was done, I waited at the side of the tub for further instruction or indication that he was ready to leave the tub.

I was told to massage his cock now. I had been eager to do this almost from the moment I began to touch him in the tub. My hand slid under the water, gripped his penis and began to massage. When he had had enough stimulation, he rose indicating he was ready to get out of the tub. I opened the drain, and held his towel out for him to step into before carefully drying his body.

I then crawled into the bedroom and bade him to lie down on the bed for a massage, asking permission to join him on the bed as I knelt beside it. I then crawled onto the bed to straddle his back as I warmed the eucalyptus scented lotion in my hands and began to massage his back and shoulders. I did this diligently for some time as he moaned his pleasure under my hands. I then moved further down to his buttocks and legs. I enjoyed the hard muscular feel of his legs underneath my hands and felt my arousal begin to build.

When I had massaged each leg, I asked him to turn over so that I might massage the front of his body. I massaged his arms, hands and chest before eventually working my way down to those muscular legs again. I spread my legs, taking his leg such that his foot rested against my breasts and belly as I massaged, longing to guide his toes to my throbbing clit, but restraining myself as I remembered my place in serving him.

When the massage was complete, I was ordered to suck his cock which I hopped to eagerly and greedily. I sucked and worshipped his cock, enjoying the sensation of it growing in my mouth until I was told to bend over the bed.

Maser then began soft spanking of my ass coupled with his fingers on my clit. He would build my pleasure while slapping my ass, and then back off. He eventually retrieved a paddle and something else from the sex toy bag. I began to pant and whimper as I got a glance at the paddle, anticipating what was to come.

“I haven’t even touched you yet,” he observed mockingly.

He alternated paddling and slapping my ass with what I would consider light spanking as he worked my clit. This was soon followed by a toy at the entrance to my ass. I am not a big fan of ass play (although I have derived pleasure from it at times) and might well have refused him at this point, but felt in such a submissive state after serving him for a large portion of the day, I wanted to do anything to continue deriving pleasure through serving him.

I pushed back against the toy as directed unable to tell exactly which one it was which increased my anxiety. It felt big… it did not slide easily into my ass. I whimpered and panted as I tried to coax my asshole into receiving it. After gentle encouragement from Master, I did succeed in receiving the toy into my ass. He applied a little more spanking to my ass cheeks before directing me to turn over onto my back.

The toy popped out and I had to re-insert it as Master entered me. It popped out again as he began to thrust into my cunt.

“It won’t stay in,” I whined.

“Well hold it in,” he barked authoritatively as if explaining something plainly obvious to a child.

And so I did. I re-inserted the toy and held it in place as he fucked me hard and good and wet.

After this session we enjoyed a quiet steak dinner for just the two of us complete with champagne.

Our weekend was capped of Sunday afternoon by exchanging our letters we had written to each other explaining what we each wanted to give and receive in our D/s relationship as well as what we expected and needed from each other.

Master required me to remove my clothing and kneel before him as he buckled my collar around my neck. I was then directed to read his letter to me on my knees in front of him. When I had finished, he read mine to him as he towered above me.

I was then ordered to stand and grip my ankles as he took his pleasure with me by fucking my pussy. I felt so submissive in this position…gripping my ankles, bracing my arms against my legs to keep my balance as he thrust harder and harder against me.

I feel that this is a new beginning for us. What had me so distraught and confused last week has proven to be a fortunate occurrence leading Jay and I to finally examine and discuss what we want from D/s play…I want the joy and pleasure of surrendering my power to him physically AND psychologically while he derives pleasure from my adoration as expressed through my obedience to him. We have a much better idea of where we were going astray and how to go about correcting it as well as some nifty new friends to teach us what we can’t learn from books. I feel we are travelling down a path that will ultimately bring us greater satisfaction in our D/s roles, as lovers and ultimately as husband and wife.