The message on my flip calendar for today:
"The process of personal growth isn't always easy. We must face our own ugliness. We ofen must become painfully aware of the unworkability of a pattern before we're willing to give it up. It often seems, in fact, that our lives get worse rather than better when we begin to work deeply on ourselves."
Gives me comfort that this experience has been traversed by others before me. I finally feel myself hitting my knees and declaring, "I am ready to begin now" rather than just playing at it and the idea that change would be good for me but just not right now due to excuse A.B or C.