Tuesday, March 20, 2012

My Secret Fetish

I have secretly harbored a slightly unusual fetish for some time which I was hesitant to even share with Jay for a while. My secret fetish is a lactation fetish. Let me explain before you decide I am a complete freak!!

I nursed our daughter when she was an infant which was not a sexual thing at all. It was a wonderfully close, loving, bonding experience that I wish every woman could enjoy. There is however a certain sort of physical pleasure that goes along with all the hormones and what is happening in your body as you lactate. Just before one’s milk lets down there is a rush of relaxation and pleasure that courses through your entire body just for a few seconds that I imagine is a lesser version of what it might feel like to take a hit of heroin. A few seconds after that your breasts and nipples begin to tingle strongly as your milk lets down into the milk ducts and begins to flow. Any woman who has ever breast fed her child and tells you she never experienced this is lying because she is ashamed to admit it. Its biology…it’s how our bodies work, but it can also be disturbing because it involves your child so you just push it all to the back of your mind and enjoy the bonding feelings you experience with your new baby. The entire process is controlled largely by the hormone oxytocin which also just happens to be dubbed the “love hormone.” It’s what helps us feel that love and maternal bond as we nurse our newborn child, and part of the way it does this is by bringing us intense feelings of relaxation and yes, even pleasure.

Of course once my daughter outgrew the need to breastfeed I just assumed that phase of my life was over and that was that. However, certain medications I have taken have strangely intermittently caused that exact same “AHHHHH” feeling of pleasure and relaxation followed by the tingling in my breasts of the let down reflex although with no actual milk since my body was not actually lactating. This got me thinking about those feelings again, and the more I thought about them, the more I wanted to experience them again

I eventually shared this with Jay who was hesitant at first as it is a bit odd. However, the more we talked and fantasized about it over the years, the more turned on we each became. We fantasize about him suckling me, milk squirting into his mouth and running down his chin, we fantasize about milk shooting out of my tits as he fucks me. I see it mostly as pleasure and bonding between Jay and I,an avenue that could bring us even closer together;however, it can also very nicely fit into our D/s interests. One of my favorite fantasies of all is being milked like a cow. Tied up, forcefully milked as I moan in pleasure. In the D/s world this is known as “forced lactation” and is generally seen as a means of humiliation. I have always been the type of submissive turned on by certain types of humiliation. Don’t call me a fat ass or a worthless slut unless you want me to emotionally crumple in front of you, but DO lead me around by leash and collar on all fours, have me drink from a doggie bowl, lick the toilet OR be forcefully milked if you want me to be a dripping wet submissive worshipping at your feet.

Today I actually did something about this fantasy. I bought a breast pump!!! I have no idea what happened to the one I used to have when I was nursing so I found a great deal for a small electric breast pump. I feel quite confident that with sufficient pumping 4 or 5 times a day I can lactate again. My body was very good at it before. The hardest part will be the scheduling in of time for such an endeavor, but I am determined to do it.

For the rewards are great…


Marcus said...

This is not weird at all, in fact it is beautiful. I was once surprised that there is a much bigger community than I expected who enjoy this. Unfortunately there is even a larger community of bashers out there.

I think incorporating this into a relationship could be the most intimate form of bonding.

jellybean said...

I would love, no LOVE to nurse from my wife. I don't think that this is strange at all, in fact, as Marcus said this is very beautiful and a very nice way of becoming very close together.