Disappointment and Well Wishes

My Jay and I discovered a BDSM club some several years ago when I first began to become interested in that type of play. For quite a long time I never seriously considered actually going, but as our sex play has gradually become a little bit more public, and we have tentatively begun to entertain the idea once again of allowing others into our bedroom, Jay and I began to discuss giving the place a visit once again. Poor Jay has been attempting to get me there literally for months, several times I have even agreed to go only to back out at the last minute with one excuse or another.

Here's a little thing about me...I am terribly fearful of the unknown and dislike any sort of change because it is, yes say it with me...UNKNOWN. There are many examples I could provide that illustrate this annoying trait, but I'll just give you a rather amusing one. I am the person who goes to the grocery store and MUST navigate through it in the exact same order each time...i.e. if I end up going down an aisle I usually walk up, it drives me nuts. That example is rather amusing, but there are others that are a bit more life challenging that I wont get into at the moment. It's one of those annoying traits that Jay has just grown to accept in me as his spouse while also challenging me to break out of it from time to time. Isn't that what a good marriage partner will do for us...accept and support our personality quirks while every now and then giving us a nudge to improve them?

I say all this to say, I wasn't fooling Jay with all my "excuses" about why we couldn't or I didn't feel like visiting this club. He knew I was simply afraid because I did not know what to expect there. He finally called me on it this past weekend and forced my hand. I had promised we would go, so even when I tried to back out once again at the last minute, he didn't go for it. So I got showered, got all dressed up, swallowed my fear and got in the car. We had put our daughter to bed, and had our 16 year old babysitting. This was not to be a terribly wild night of debauchery, for that would require spend the night services of the grandparents. This was simply to be a night of let's be home by midnight, go check this place out, and determine if it is a playground we are interested in returning to again.

I was a bit nervous the entire ride there even more so as we neared our destination. We finally arrived, got out of the car, walked up to the door and...the fucking place was CLOSED!. Temporarily closed for a private event, but still closed! After all that build up, we went home no wiser than we had come. I've agreed to try it once again in a couple of weeks when we do have grandparent spend the night services for my birthday. Stay tuned for more...

On another note, I've been rather disturbed this week by the news of Brett Michaels' illness. Jay first heard it and told me about it Sunday, and my heart sank. I was honestly not a huge fan of glam rock as a teenager...tending more towards the likes of bands like The Smiths, Depeche Mode, U2, The Cure, Duran Duran with a little Bon Jovi and Def Leppard thrown in for good measure. However, as an adult I have come to experience a sense of fondness and new found enjoyment of those fun glam rock bands like Poison. I think more than anything I feel a sense of wistful nostalgia for anything that reminds me of my youth.

I received Jay's news on Sunday with the dread that it would soon be followed with news of his death, and I realized I would experience a measure of grief with that. I'm only 40 years old, the idols of my youth are NOT supposed to be dying off just yet. I wasn't ready to add him to the list...most notable for Jay and I being...Freddy Mercury,Joe Strummer,Kevin DuBrow (remember Quiet Riot?!), and Michael Hutchence.

I am glad to hear over the past few days, that while not out of the woods, Brett is not likely to drop dead either, and is hopeful of making a full recovery. I wish him healthy days ahead and send him prayers and well wishes.