I had a dream last night about someone I was in love with, but have not thought about in quite some time. I guess my subconscious must have been thinking about him for a while though! It was a very vivid dream. One of those that spills over into your waking time the next day, and clouds the whole day with thoughts, feelings and memories of that person.
Today I am stuck in the past paying tribute to the ghost of my former love. Sometimes when I have vivid dreams like this about someone I knew its effects are gone within a day, while other times they can linger for several days. I can’t help but ask myself if there is something my subconscious is trying to work out about this man. My conscious mind is 100% certain that it has accepted this person's absence from my life and is fine with it, but my subconcious seems to have something more to say on the matter. I don’t care to share the details of the dream as they are intensely personal and fraught with feeling, but many aspects of it seem to have clearly been my subconscious sorting through feelings and longings.
Funny how there are just some people who never leave our hearts no matter how long the actual physical relationship itself has been over.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Mimi's Back
I'm back, dear reader, as you may have noticed by my most recent post. I have been away for several months battling that dastardly depression that raised it's ugly head again 4 months or so ago. It finally got so bad that I found myself a new psychiatrist, got on a new medication which after 3 weeks or so began to work much better than any other medication I ever have been on, and began to see a therapist. I feel like a new person and it feels WONDERFUL!!
For any out there who may follow my blog and suffer from depression, I say to you GET THE HELP YOU NEED!! One of the ugly, frustrating (especially for those close to you) things depression does to you is rob you of your energy, your ability to make decisions, and your ability to act. This means it can be difficult to pull yourself together enough to even seek help, but in most cases, it's not going to get better until you seek treatment, be it medication, counseling or a combination of the two. I was fortunate to have Jay who continued to urge me to get my medication changed, and seek help. There is also a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness that prevents some from admiting they have a problem and seeking help. To this I say, it is a medical condition just like diabetes, high blood pressure or any other physical malady and NOTHING to be ashamed about. You can feel so much better, and live a healthy happy life if you just seek out the right treatments.
My Jay has been very supportive through all this, although admittedly very frustrated at times. He constantly reassured me that we would get through this and everything would be ok. This Sugarland song always makes me think of him and how he has tried to support and help me through this. He truely is my best friend, my lover and my partner in this crazy world.
"So when your heart is heavy like a stone from carrying it's load/And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know/When the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat/I will shine the light"
This is quite an apt description of what depression feels like for me.
"Some roads we all will have to walk alone/But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you friend/That's me, clapping the loudest, welcoming you home."
I feel that I have been absent from my life altogether for the past several months, and although Jay could not experience the pain and misery with me, he was my comfort and my cheerleader urging me to find my way back.
I hope to be sharing naughty, debaucherous thoughts with you again soon.
For any out there who may follow my blog and suffer from depression, I say to you GET THE HELP YOU NEED!! One of the ugly, frustrating (especially for those close to you) things depression does to you is rob you of your energy, your ability to make decisions, and your ability to act. This means it can be difficult to pull yourself together enough to even seek help, but in most cases, it's not going to get better until you seek treatment, be it medication, counseling or a combination of the two. I was fortunate to have Jay who continued to urge me to get my medication changed, and seek help. There is also a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness that prevents some from admiting they have a problem and seeking help. To this I say, it is a medical condition just like diabetes, high blood pressure or any other physical malady and NOTHING to be ashamed about. You can feel so much better, and live a healthy happy life if you just seek out the right treatments.
My Jay has been very supportive through all this, although admittedly very frustrated at times. He constantly reassured me that we would get through this and everything would be ok. This Sugarland song always makes me think of him and how he has tried to support and help me through this. He truely is my best friend, my lover and my partner in this crazy world.
"So when your heart is heavy like a stone from carrying it's load/And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know/When the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat/I will shine the light"
This is quite an apt description of what depression feels like for me.
"Some roads we all will have to walk alone/But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you friend/That's me, clapping the loudest, welcoming you home."
I feel that I have been absent from my life altogether for the past several months, and although Jay could not experience the pain and misery with me, he was my comfort and my cheerleader urging me to find my way back.
I hope to be sharing naughty, debaucherous thoughts with you again soon.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
His Kiss
The first time you kissed me popped into my mind today out of the blue, and I found myself relaxing into the erotic, yet also now nostalgic memories.
When your lips first met mine my first thought was that they were like no other lips I had ever kissed before. Their overriding sensation was that of fullness. They caressed my own lips like a soft, warm pillow. As your tongue darted into my mouth, I sighed, my hands going to the back of your head, my knees buckling ever so slightly. All sense of time or our surroundings was lost to me.
Soon after I found myself on a bed beneath you, both of us fully clothed, writhing around with a burning desire for you. My mind’s eye can still see us...my legs entwined with yours, your cock pressing hard and insistent against my thigh through your jeans, my hands in your hair, our lips feverishly locked together as I paused to breathe into your mouth, “I want this so much,” followed quickly by my frenzied tugging at your shirt, desperate for skin on skin contact. My crotch is moist and swollen even all these years later as I savor the memory of those moments with you.
When our desire had been satisfied for the moment, what heavenly small little kisses we exchanged, our tongues darting gently in and out of each others mouth as we lay face to face, and I found myself mesmerized by your stunning green eyes.
I recall at some point later, standing on my tiptoes to better reach your lips as I kissed you in my stocking feet, deeply aroused by your superior height and strength as you lifted me off my feet for an embrace. We delayed the inevitable as long as possible as we stood there kissing and touching one another.
Even all these years later, when that time in our lives has long been put to bed, despite the things that may not have gone right between us, your kiss is a warm and cozy memory forever filed in my brain and etched on my heart.
When your lips first met mine my first thought was that they were like no other lips I had ever kissed before. Their overriding sensation was that of fullness. They caressed my own lips like a soft, warm pillow. As your tongue darted into my mouth, I sighed, my hands going to the back of your head, my knees buckling ever so slightly. All sense of time or our surroundings was lost to me.
Soon after I found myself on a bed beneath you, both of us fully clothed, writhing around with a burning desire for you. My mind’s eye can still see us...my legs entwined with yours, your cock pressing hard and insistent against my thigh through your jeans, my hands in your hair, our lips feverishly locked together as I paused to breathe into your mouth, “I want this so much,” followed quickly by my frenzied tugging at your shirt, desperate for skin on skin contact. My crotch is moist and swollen even all these years later as I savor the memory of those moments with you.
When our desire had been satisfied for the moment, what heavenly small little kisses we exchanged, our tongues darting gently in and out of each others mouth as we lay face to face, and I found myself mesmerized by your stunning green eyes.
I recall at some point later, standing on my tiptoes to better reach your lips as I kissed you in my stocking feet, deeply aroused by your superior height and strength as you lifted me off my feet for an embrace. We delayed the inevitable as long as possible as we stood there kissing and touching one another.
Even all these years later, when that time in our lives has long been put to bed, despite the things that may not have gone right between us, your kiss is a warm and cozy memory forever filed in my brain and etched on my heart.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Loyalty
No words are needed for this photo, but I’ll give you the story that goes with it… John Tumlison was a Navy SEAL who was killed in Afghanistan on Aug 6 when a rocket-propelled grenade took out a U.S. helicopter. He was mourned at a service in Rockford, Iowa recently. His dog, Hawkeye, was such an important part of his life that he was present at the service as well. When Tumlison’s friend walked to the front of the room to speak, dear Hawkeye followed him and dutifully laid down near his Master's casket.
I cannot get this image out of my mind since I saw it this morning. It is such a testament to what wonderful, loving, loyal animals dogs are,that they do form strong bonds with their humans, and that they can and do mourn the loss of a loved one. I am blessed to share my home with 4 of these amazing creatures!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Please
I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that’s on your knees
I like the way you still say please while you’re lookin’ up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease
Lyrics from a Nickelback song I heard this morning on the way to work that never fail to turn me on. Of course we all know which line it is that just makes me a puddle of wet, writhing mush don’t we? Ding, ding, ding…you have won if you chose line #3!
Those four lines paint an entire picture for me, and it’s terribly erotic. It is a picture of myself on my knees on the floor of a dirty hotel room or public bathroom, my pants feverishly shoved into a messy, tangled heap at my feet. He towers over me (sometimes it is a specific “he” sometimes not, but always he is towering over me) his bulging cock inches from my face as I look up at him and whisper “please.” That “please” means so many things…please let me suck your cock for you, please relieve this ache between my legs, please fuck me, please tell me what to do, please use me for your pleasure, please let me belong to you.
I am wet just thinking about what the word “Please” means to me.
I like the dirt that’s on your knees
I like the way you still say please while you’re lookin’ up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease
Lyrics from a Nickelback song I heard this morning on the way to work that never fail to turn me on. Of course we all know which line it is that just makes me a puddle of wet, writhing mush don’t we? Ding, ding, ding…you have won if you chose line #3!
Those four lines paint an entire picture for me, and it’s terribly erotic. It is a picture of myself on my knees on the floor of a dirty hotel room or public bathroom, my pants feverishly shoved into a messy, tangled heap at my feet. He towers over me (sometimes it is a specific “he” sometimes not, but always he is towering over me) his bulging cock inches from my face as I look up at him and whisper “please.” That “please” means so many things…please let me suck your cock for you, please relieve this ache between my legs, please fuck me, please tell me what to do, please use me for your pleasure, please let me belong to you.
I am wet just thinking about what the word “Please” means to me.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
You and Tequila
I am not in a good place this weekend. I swear sometimes I think I just don't want to be content. Sometimes I think there is just something too terribly boring and ordinary in being happy with my life. Whatever the cause, the last few days have not been good ones. I comfort myself with the thought that most of the great artists were also nut cases!!
Thus, this song is on my mind. In my case, however it would be "You and Vodka make me crazy."
"One is one too many, one more is never enough..." seems a neat, succinct synopsis of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that thought.
P.S. It is now Thursday and I am out of my self imposed funk. Fortunately I do know what brought it on, and have corrected it. Let's just say it had something to do with my illness a few weeks ago and the drugs they gave me, and leave it at that.
Thus, this song is on my mind. In my case, however it would be "You and Vodka make me crazy."
"One is one too many, one more is never enough..." seems a neat, succinct synopsis of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that thought.
P.S. It is now Thursday and I am out of my self imposed funk. Fortunately I do know what brought it on, and have corrected it. Let's just say it had something to do with my illness a few weeks ago and the drugs they gave me, and leave it at that.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
New Jewlery
I had to have my annual mammogram today. The inconvenient part about this is that I had to go down to the tattoo shop where I had my nipples pierced and have them remove my hoops and install plastic "filler" bars before going for the mammogram. Jay offered to remove them for me, however, the way these hoops are set up requires bending the metal hoop just wide enough with a pair of pliers to remove the metal ball in the middle holding everything together. I love my Jay, but in all honesty, I didn't trust him not to slip up and cause me unspeakable pain!!
The good part about this is that after the mammogram, I went back to the shop, purchased these lovely new hoops with glittery, dangly hearts, and had them placed back into my nipple piercing. I feel so sexy this evening with my new adornments!
The good part about this is that after the mammogram, I went back to the shop, purchased these lovely new hoops with glittery, dangly hearts, and had them placed back into my nipple piercing. I feel so sexy this evening with my new adornments!
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