Memoirs of a MILF

Love's Life Lessons

2012-01-24T14:35:00.003-05:00

I’m still on a Nickelback listening spree...their new album is awesome!! This song can be heard so many different ways with so many different ears depending on where you are in your life. I hear so many different stages of my own love losses when I listen to it, but someone else who has been to the brink of a love loss and brought it back on course hears a totally different song.

“You call to me, and I fall at your feet
How could anyone ask for more?”

I used to think this was my ultimate expression of love...that if I was willing both literally and figuratively to fall at someone’s feet it meant I loved them. Yes, it might mean I love them, but it just as often might mean I was not loving me, and making good choices for myself.

“But if there’s a pill to help me forget,
God knows I haven’t found it yet,
But I’m dying to, God I’m trying to”

I think this one is pretty self explanatory, no? Insert your own drugs of choice here...mine happened to be vodka and certain legal pills used in decidedly illegal ways. The secret you have to eventually figure out for yourself is that they rarely dull the ache for more than a few hours at a time, and they NEVER bring about the amnesia that you seek.

“Can’t see the silver lining, from down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying, but I don’t know what for”

I’ve spent a fair amount of time over the 41 years of my existence wallowing in pain and self pity down on the floor; an angle from which it is rather difficult to see the entire room or the lamp or the lampshade for that matter, or an outstretched arm offering you a hand up off the floor.

“Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far
Trying not to need you is tearing me apart.”

In the end what I have learned is that while trying not to love you DOES only go so far, it is possible to stop needing you. Once I’ve done that what I’m left with is just the warm glow of love minus the bitter longing of need. What I’m left with are the fond, sexy memories that made me fall in love to begin with no longer framed with the bewildered emptiness of an unfulfilled need. What I have learned is that nothing and no one outside of me can fulfill any perceived need I have. Happiness comes from within, NEVER from my current life circumstances which are ever changing.

When I have unwrapped the need from the love... I can step back from the relationship and say to myself, “Damn, that hurt a lot, but what a crazy, fun ride it was.” When I no longer need you, but still love you, I can appreciate the lessons you came into my life to help me learn, and be glad it was you I chose to learn them from.

Lullaby

2011-12-15T08:05:00.002-05:00

I treated myself to the new Nickelback album this weekend, and was not disappointed as I was with their last album. This one is fantastic. This song, Lullaby, in particular has special meaning for me. It takes me back to my teenage years when I was in this sort of space. Depression and I are old friends unfortunately. Fortunately, those dark thoughts did not return with the latest several years wrangle with the big D. I think probably because I have a family now and could never do such a thing to my children, although I must be honest in saying they did indeed begin to creep back in the 2 or 3 weeks I was waiting for this most recent medication change to kick in and begin to work. It's exhausting feeling like death warmed over every day and trying to function in all your expected roles. Medications that work wondefully, and then for no reason at all just stop working makes one feel tired and hopeless. I had begun to reach a point where I was losing hope I would ever get out of this hole, and just wanted to rest. Fortunately the medication did kick in, and I found a great new therapist and those dark thoughts subsided. However,this song Lullaby speaks to me deeply as it describes certain periods of my life.

My experiences make me think perhaps I should find an organization that can allow me to help others in this same place. It makes me wish I had taken my undergraduate degree in psychology and gone on to graduate school as I had originally planned. Had I done that I would now be in a much more fulfilling career instead of sitting behind a desk doing meaningless work everyday.

I have always had the desire to serve and to help others since I was a teenager, but as I grow oler the desire is even stronger. I work with a couple of my special places, but I want to do so much more and there just isn't enough of me and enough time to go around. Ah, perhaps one of these days my dream of doing more will become a reality.

Riding in Cars with Boys..Make that Men

2011-11-30T07:23:00.003-05:00

“You’re late,” he observed as she hurriedly hopped into his car.

“I’m sorry,” she answered breathlessly. “I got stuck at work.”

“Hmmm,” was his only response.

Their meetings were often hurried and clandestine as they each had busy lives full of other responsibilities.

He looked at her pointedly, his green eyed gaze seeming to pierce her very soul, as his hand went to the bulge that was already forming at his crotch.

“I’ve been sitting here waiting for you for 30 minutes with THIS growing between my legs and causing me considerable discomfort,” he coldly informed her.

“I’m sorry, I really…” her voice trailed off as he put his finger to her lips.

“Take your clothes off,” he ordered.

She obediently unbuttoned her blouse, removed her bra, and unzipped her skirt until
they were all in a heap at her feet.

“Now recline your seat back”

As she did so, he reached over to pinch and tweak her nipples as she arched her back and moaned with the pleasure. He knew her inside and out. He knew this aroused her at times to the point of orgasm. She mewed in protest when he stopped.

She watched as he unzipped is pants and freed his blood swollen aching cock. He began to stroke himself slowly, precum oozing along his thumb and forefinger.

“You want this, don’t you?” he teased

“Oh yes, yes I do,” she moaned as she felt her wetness seeping onto his leather seats.

He continued to stroke, his head thrown back, his breath coming harder and faster as his eyes traveled over her body laid out before him.

When she could no longer contain her desire, she leaned over to take him in her mouth only to have him slap her face away.

“You were late. You don’t get to suck me. You get to watch.”

She leaned back to her side of the car and watched fervently as he stroked his cock, sweat breaking out on his forehead which she longed to lick if only to have some part of his saltiness in her mouth.

“Fuck, you look so hot. I want to empty this load right inside you.”

“But I can’t can I? You didn’t follow my directions, did you?”

She shook her head no as her eyes remained locked on his pumping hand.

His hips began to pump up into his hand, he got the far away look in his eye and his breath came out in a wrenching groan which she knew from countless other hours spent with him meant he was about to cum.

He reached out and gripped her left breast in his hand so hard she let out a small cry and knew she would have a memento of this time with him the next day when his fingerprints appeared on the tender flesh of her breast. With a groan that filled the cabin of the car, he looked into her eyes as he exploded into his hand.
She licked her lips, aching to taste him, to feel his cock growing soft in her mouth as his orgasm subsided.

“Clean up this mess you’ve made,” he directed.

She eagerly leaned over and began to lick his penis clean of his sweet salty cum making certain to suck each ball into her mouth swirling them clean with her tongue as he sighed and whispered what a good girl she was and what a hot little mouth she had.

“Get out of the car,” he ordered in a frighteningly serious tone.

“Baby, please, I’m naked,” she whimpered.

He considered this for a beat and replied, “As you did such a good job cleaning up the mess you made of my cock, you may put your skirt back on.”

She quickly shimmied into her skirt and haltingly opened the door, looking back at him one last time with a plea in her eyes of “Please don’t make me do this.”

When he continued to fix his green gaze on her with no hint of reprisal, she got out of the car.

“Now go to the front of the car, and lay down across the hood,” he directed.

Minutes felt like hours as she lay there against the cold hood of the car exposed in the open parking lot.

She finally heard the click of the door as he exited the car as well.

He leaned down over her and whispered softly in her ear, “You want me inside you now, don’t you?”

God help her, she did. She wanted him with a desire that often kept her awake at night, lying there aching for him, remembering his touch, his scent, his taste.

“Yes, I want it more than anything. Please give me what I need,” she begged.
Her skin burned with his touch as he lifted her skirt and slid inside her wet, needy hole.

“AHHHHHH,” escaped her lips as he pumped his way deeper inside her.

He gripped her hips and began to pound into her with a need born of too many stolen encounters, too little time together, a longing for each other that was never fully satisfied. Her breasts bounced against the hood of the car as they fucked with abandon in the open parking lot for anyone who happened by to witness.

His cock found just the right spot inside her as it always did. She felt her legs growing weak as her orgasm began to build. It spread from the flush in her breasts, to a pulse in her belly until she finally exploded with cries of pleasure as it washed over her cunt in endless spasms.

When she had spent herself, he gripped her long, curly hair in his hands pulling her upper body roughly up off the hood of the car as he plunged into her his own orgasm furiously churning in his balls. He came softly this time, pumping a few more times before allowing himself to slip out of her. Her own juices mixed with his cum flowed freely down the insides of her thigh.

They quickly re-entered the car where they spent their remaining time, touching, caressing, kissing longing for a love that would never be theirs to hold.

Good Morning My Love

2011-11-29T08:21:00.002-05:00

I awoke to the sensation of his hand moving under the covers. As I gradually became more conscious I became aware that he was stroking his cock which is often so achingly hard first thing in the morning. I laid there on my side quietly observing, my cunt growing wet at the sensation of the covers moving ever more rapidly, and his breath increasing as his arousal grew. The sounds of sex have always been far more arousing to me than the sights…the grunts, the moans, the sighs, the whispered “I love yous” as we make love.

He turned to me, spooning me as he began to rub his cock against my ass. I arched it out for him, eager to feel the slick precum oozing out onto his hand and my ass. In very short order, he rose up above me, placed himself between my legs as I was still turned on my side and entered me. He found no resistance as my cunt was by now swollen and dripping wet. I laid there prostrate,my face buried in the pillow, barely awake as he used my body for his pleasure, pounding deeper and deeper inside me. His finger slid into my ass as I groaned with the sensation of fullness as he filled both holes. With 3 mighty pumps into my deepest recesses he came inside me with a low, guttural groan.

We curled up together and went back to sleep, satisfied with his use of the body that is his for the taking anytime he wishes.

My Life in Dreams

2011-11-21T16:17:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night about someone I was in love with, but have not thought about in quite some time. I guess my subconscious must have been thinking about him for a while though! It was a very vivid dream. One of those that spills over into your waking time the next day, and clouds the whole day with thoughts, feelings and memories of that person.

Today I am stuck in the past paying tribute to the ghost of my former love. Sometimes when I have vivid dreams like this about someone I knew its effects are gone within a day, while other times they can linger for several days. I can’t help but ask myself if there is something my subconscious is trying to work out about this man. My conscious mind is 100% certain that it has accepted this person's absence from my life and is fine with it, but my subconcious seems to have something more to say on the matter. I don’t care to share the details of the dream as they are intensely personal and fraught with feeling, but many aspects of it seem to have clearly been my subconscious sorting through feelings and longings.

Funny how there are just some people who never leave our hearts no matter how long the actual physical relationship itself has been over.

Mimi's Back

2011-11-13T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm back, dear reader, as you may have noticed by my most recent post. I have been away for several months battling that dastardly depression that raised it's ugly head again 4 months or so ago. It finally got so bad that I found myself a new psychiatrist, got on a new medication which after 3 weeks or so began to work much better than any other medication I ever have been on, and began to see a therapist. I feel like a new person and it feels WONDERFUL!!

For any out there who may follow my blog and suffer from depression, I say to you GET THE HELP YOU NEED!! One of the ugly, frustrating (especially for those close to you) things depression does to you is rob you of your energy, your ability to make decisions, and your ability to act. This means it can be difficult to pull yourself together enough to even seek help, but in most cases, it's not going to get better until you seek treatment, be it medication, counseling or a combination of the two. I was fortunate to have Jay who continued to urge me to get my medication changed, and seek help. There is also a stigma attached to any sort of mental illness that prevents some from admiting they have a problem and seeking help. To this I say, it is a medical condition just like diabetes, high blood pressure or any other physical malady and NOTHING to be ashamed about. You can feel so much better, and live a healthy happy life if you just seek out the right treatments.

My Jay has been very supportive through all this, although admittedly very frustrated at times. He constantly reassured me that we would get through this and everything would be ok. This Sugarland song always makes me think of him and how he has tried to support and help me through this. He truely is my best friend, my lover and my partner in this crazy world.

"So when your heart is heavy like a stone from carrying it's load/And you look into the mirror and see someone you don't know/When the shadows are closing in on you like a hand around your throat/I will shine the light"

This is quite an apt description of what depression feels like for me.

"Some roads we all will have to walk alone/But waiting there in the end is a heart that calls you friend/That's me, clapping the loudest, welcoming you home."

I feel that I have been absent from my life altogether for the past several months, and although Jay could not experience the pain and misery with me, he was my comfort and my cheerleader urging me to find my way back.

I hope to be sharing naughty, debaucherous thoughts with you again soon.

His Kiss

2011-11-09T13:12:00.004-05:00

The first time you kissed me popped into my mind today out of the blue, and I found myself relaxing into the erotic, yet also now nostalgic memories.

When your lips first met mine my first thought was that they were like no other lips I had ever kissed before. Their overriding sensation was that of fullness. They caressed my own lips like a soft, warm pillow. As your tongue darted into my mouth, I sighed, my hands going to the back of your head, my knees buckling ever so slightly. All sense of time or our surroundings was lost to me.

Soon after I found myself on a bed beneath you, both of us fully clothed, writhing around with a burning desire for you. My mind’s eye can still see us...my legs entwined with yours, your cock pressing hard and insistent against my thigh through your jeans, my hands in your hair, our lips feverishly locked together as I paused to breathe into your mouth, “I want this so much,” followed quickly by my frenzied tugging at your shirt, desperate for skin on skin contact. My crotch is moist and swollen even all these years later as I savor the memory of those moments with you.

When our desire had been satisfied for the moment, what heavenly small little kisses we exchanged, our tongues darting gently in and out of each others mouth as we lay face to face, and I found myself mesmerized by your stunning green eyes.

I recall at some point later, standing on my tiptoes to better reach your lips as I kissed you in my stocking feet, deeply aroused by your superior height and strength as you lifted me off my feet for an embrace. We delayed the inevitable as long as possible as we stood there kissing and touching one another.

Your kiss is simply the best I have ever had. Even all these years later, when that time in our lives has long been put to bed, despite the things that may not have gone right between us, your kiss is a warm and cozy memory forever filed in my brain and etched on my heart.

Loyalty

2011-08-26T15:59:00.004-04:00

No words are needed for this photo, but I’ll give you the story that goes with it… John Tumlison was a Navy SEAL who was killed in Afghanistan on Aug 6 when a rocket-propelled grenade took out a U.S. helicopter. He was mourned at a service in Rockford, Iowa recently. His dog, Hawkeye, was such an important part of his life that he was present at the service as well. When Tumlison’s friend walked to the front of the room to speak, dear Hawkeye followed him and dutifully laid down near his Master's casket.

I cannot get this image out of my mind since I saw it this morning. It is such a testament to what wonderful, loving, loyal animals dogs are,that they do form strong bonds with their humans, and that they can and do mourn the loss of a loved one. I am blessed to share my home with 4 of these amazing creatures!

Please

2011-08-11T08:43:00.003-04:00

I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that’s on your knees
I like the way you still say please while you’re lookin’ up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease

Lyrics from a Nickelback song I heard this morning on the way to work that never fail to turn me on. Of course we all know which line it is that just makes me a puddle of wet, writhing mush don’t we? Ding, ding, ding…you have won if you chose line #3!

Those four lines paint an entire picture for me, and it’s terribly erotic. It is a picture of myself on my knees on the floor of a dirty hotel room or public bathroom, my pants feverishly shoved into a messy, tangled heap at my feet. He towers over me (sometimes it is a specific “he” sometimes not, but always he is towering over me) his bulging cock inches from my face as I look up at him and whisper “please.” That “please” means so many things…please let me suck your cock for you, please relieve this ache between my legs, please fuck me, please tell me what to do, please use me for your pleasure, please let me belong to you.

I am wet just thinking about what the word “Please” means to me.

You and Tequila

2011-08-07T16:37:00.004-04:00

I am not in a good place this weekend. I swear sometimes I think I just don't want to be content. Sometimes I think there is just something too terribly boring and ordinary in being happy with my life. Whatever the cause, the last few days have not been good ones. I comfort myself with the thought that most of the great artists were also nut cases!!

Thus, this song is on my mind. In my case, however it would be "You and Vodka make me crazy."

"One is one too many, one more is never enough..." seems a neat, succinct synopsis of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that thought.

P.S. It is now Thursday and I am out of my self imposed funk. Fortunately I do know what brought it on, and have corrected it. Let's just say it had something to do with my illness a few weeks ago and the drugs they gave me, and leave it at that.

New Jewlery

2011-07-31T21:23:00.003-04:00

I had to have my annual mammogram today. The inconvenient part about this is that I had to go down to the tattoo shop where I had my nipples pierced and have them remove my hoops and install plastic "filler" bars before going for the mammogram. Jay offered to remove them for me, however, the way these hoops are set up requires bending the metal hoop just wide enough with a pair of pliers to remove the metal ball in the middle holding everything together. I love my Jay, but in all honesty, I didn't trust him not to slip up and cause me unspeakable pain!!

The good part about this is that after the mammogram, I went back to the shop, purchased these lovely new hoops with glittery, dangly hearts, and had them placed back into my nipple piercing. I feel so sexy this evening with my new adornments!

Another of Life's Embarrassing Moments

2011-07-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

I was in a fender bender car accident last Tuesday. Although I managed to keep my cool, I was highly pissed off at the time. One because it caused my daughter to miss the horse riding lesson we were on our way to attend, and because this particular car was brand new to me! I hadn’t even made the first damn payment on it yet when this guy rear ended me as I was yielding to make a right hand turn.

A little over a month ago my piece of crap car finally bit the dust for good. I was hoping and praying it would make it two more years until Jay’s car was paid off, but it wasn’t to be. So Jay and I set off one Saturday about a month ago in search of a car for me with a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach’s knowing what we could afford at the moment would likely be another piece of crap. Turns out God was listening as I prayed all the way to the first dealership as we happened upon an incredible deal on a used vehicle with rather low mileage that checked out with our mechanic at a price we could live with. While a 2005 model, this is the nicest damn car I have ever owned…leather seats, heated seats, DVD player for my daughter, 3rd row seating, and a whole host of other features too numerous to mention.

I am getting off topic here. The point of my story lies in the fact that I had a slightly sore neck and shoulders after my rear end collision. My daughter was and is perfectly fine thank goodness, and I am perfectly fine now as well. However, at the time, my neck and shoulders were a little sore. After some coaxing and bullying by Jay and one of his best friends, I was convinced to go to the doctor to have it checked out and documented in case it grew worse over the next few days.

Part of this checking out procedure of course involved X- rays. The X -ray technician had me disrobe in a little cubicle and instructed me to remove my earrings. As I was doing this I realized I had the rings in my pierced nipples. I pondered whether or not I needed to tell her, and finally decided that I did. I mean, what if the X- ray was going to rip the rings from my nipples, right?

I sheepishly said to her as I entered the X- ray room, “This is a little embarrassing, but I have my nipples pierced as well.”

She looks at me in a confused manner for a beat and says, “Can you remove them?”

Now feeling even more embarrassed, I reply, “No, I can’t. They are a locked sort of ring that I can’t remove on my own.”

She replies, “All right. It’s ok then.”

I had to make sure I was not in great peril by stating, “I was afraid the X- ray might do something horrible like rip them out,” as I laughed nervously.

She laughed as if I was an idiot and replied, “Oh no, it won’t do anything like that, honey.”

So we continued with the X-rays, and all was going well until she had me lying on the table taking X-rays of my back and exclaimed, “Boy that’s a big belly button ring you have.”

In my worry over the nipple rings I had forgotten all about the navel piercing which is dangly and rather large. I wanted to crawl under the table at this point.

“I’m sorry. I forgot all about that,” I laughed.

“Can you take that off?” she asks.

“Yes, I can,” I reply as I fumble to lift my gown while not letting her see I am not wearing panties and remove the belly ring. At this point, I am starting to hate my husband and his friend for making me come have this done, ha ha!! The only thing that redeemed the trip was the good drugs they prescribed me for the pain!

She then must retake several X-rays as I now understand why they ask you to remove all jewelry when having an X-ray. Not because it will rip the metal from your body as any idiot should know, but because it can block the radiologist’s view of the area of your body they are trying to examine in the X-ray.

I’m having a mammogram in a few days. Would you be surprised if I told you I have already made an appointment at the tattoo shop to have the nipple rings taken out for me and then put back in when I am done?!!

His Wet, Humiliated Sub

2011-07-18T13:41:00.002-04:00

When your husband comes out of the bathroom after peeing to tell you he saved some just for you, and you get wet and tingly at the thought of being pissed on, you know you are both a freaky deviant and hopelessly his sub!

This reminds me that I don’t believe I have shared with you, dear reader, the details of the one and only time thus far he has actually peed on me which occurred a few months back.

I was blindfolded and tied down spread eagle on the bed on my stomach. It was a very intense session. I was whacked with the bamboo cane which I HATE over and over again until I legitimately began to cry. The feeling of helplessness is particularly acute when you are restrained and can do very little to escape the blows raining down on your ass.

Next came the Icy Hot on my asshole. Jay has applied the Icy Hot to me several times before sending me off to work in the morning to keep me on his mind all day. It has always resulted in an arousing mixture of pleasure and pain and accomplished the task of keeping him on my mind. This time, however, he meant business! He used much more of it than he ever has before some of which, unfortunately dripped onto my pussy…OUCH!

I took it for as long as I could coupled with more whacks from the cane until I broke. I began to cry and beg and told him he HAD to get it off me right now. He mercifully untied me and led me still blindfolded into the bathroom. He led me to the tub and told me to kneel in it.

I was terribly confused thinking he meant to wash me there in the tub. I knelt there obediently, squirming and moaning and begging him to hurry. He handed me a cold wash cloth and told me to wipe myself which I did. I found some relief this way, but longed to get in the shower and wash thoroughly.

I continued to kneel obediently, still blindfolded, still confused until I felt warm liquid on my chest and arms. At first I thought he was washing me, but the tub was not on. Then I began to sniff the air and blurted out, “Oh my God, are you peeing on me?”

I knelt there both humiliated and deeply aroused as he stood over me and pissed his warm, acrid smelling piss all over my chest and arms and belly. I felt so controlled which translated for me to also highly aroused.

When he was finished, he removed my blindfold and told me to get in the shower and clean myself up.

Afterwards, I went to him, clean and fresh smelling, and he fucked me deep and hard as we both craved.

I can’t wait for him to pee on me again…

Watching

2011-07-17T11:35:00.002-04:00

"Come here," he commanded in a throaty, sleep swollen voice.

I scooted my backside up against his frontside. His hands wandered to my breasts. He began to squeeze them before moving to the more delicate work at the nipple.

I had an overwhelming desire to watch his hands work on my breasts. I moved the covers down. His muscular, manly hands on my breast evoked a little cry of lust from me. My cunt responded to the sight immediately with a throbbing insistance. He worked the nipple, rolling it between his fingers, pausing to tug the ring running through my pierced nipple until I was moaning and writhing in ectascy.

He flipped me over on my back so he could work both breasts at the same time. I shoved the covers down around my knees so he could watch as I slipped a hand between my legs and began to masturbate as he continued his adoration of my breasts. My clit stood up erect and sensitive, my flowing juices making the rubbing of it even more delicious. I raised my head from the pillow to watch as he tugged at both nipple rings, my hand reaching for and grasping his hard cock. I stroked him for a few moments until my hand flew to my cunt, fingers shoved up inside it as I continued to masturbate my clit.

I climbed higher and higher until I was gasping, "I want to cum. I am going to cum, Daddy."

He squeezed my breasts hard as I bit into the pillow at the side of my head to stifle my moans of orgasm. When I had grunted and groaned my way through the last throes of pleasure, I pleaded, "I need you to fuck me now."

He spread my legs and rested them on his shoulders just before he entered me. That first entry with its soft little "pop" as the head of his cock pushes it's way through my folds is always the sweetest. I moaned quietly as he pushed his way inside my slippery hole. He rocked gently back and forth inside me, building up the pace.

As he thrust harder and harder inside me he spat out through gritted teeth, "I'm going to tie you up at a construction site and let them cum all over you," just before he emptied himself inside me with his own orgasm.

Oh how I love Sunday morning sex. Makes me glad we decided we were too lazy to get up for church this morning!

Stronger

2011-07-17T01:03:00.000-04:00

Every time I hear this song by Sara Evans I am always reminded of a time in my life that doesn't seem as long ago as it actually was. It takes me back to the seemingly endless parade of days that I "woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain/but I brushed my teeth anyway/I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face." I am instantly transported to all the mornings and afternoons I cried the entire trip back and forth to work because it provided the most privacy for letting myself cry, then tried to fix my face so no one would know I had been crying when I arrived at my destination.

The message of this song, however, is the resiliency of the human heart. It reminds us that with enough time we all can and do get over the pain of heartbreak. Some of us take just weeks or months while others of us, like me, take years. The message I want to convey here is that I am not only just a little bit stronger, but completely done with the grieving and "what if's" of letting go. If you need to hear this message, you know who you are. Believe me when I say it has happened. I hope it brings a smile to your face.

As the song says, "I know my heart will never be the same..." but that doesn't mean it is incapable of healing and moving on. I believe I posted several posts back that I recently told Jay I feel happier than I think I ever have in my life. I honestly don't know exactly why, but I also have no desire to question it.

My life feels full and meaningful again...more meaningful than it ever has. I am more in love with my husband than I have ever been. More in love even than the day I married him. As an added bonus, I feel attractive and sexy again which translates to a wonderful sex life again for Jay and I!

I am filled with energy and enthusiasm both for my job and several volunteer opportunities I have been meaning to pursue for a long time. It seems that life is good after 40 when you finally start to figure out who the hell you are, and discover that she's a pretty cool chick!

Carpe Diem, my friends!

Health Update

2011-07-16T14:30:00.007-04:00

For those of you who may be interested, I have a health update for you. I was sent to a gastroenterologist on Thursday with the idea I may need to have an endoscopy procedure. This is a rather unpleasant sounding procedure in which the doctor places a tube with a camera on the end of it down your esophagus into your stomach to look mainly for ulcers and take a small biopsy.

I was greatly relieved to hear from the gastroenterologist that he did not feel I needed that procedure at this time. After going over all my records and tests from the ER and my primary doctor and with the sudden onset of my symptoms, he seemed to be in agreement with the ER doctor that the ibuprofen had caused small ulcerations in the lining of my stomach. He said these ulcers can take 2-4 weeks to heal completely, and he has known a few patients who took several months to get 100% back to normal. The medications I was given by my primary doctor on Monday will aid in my stomach's healing and help control the nausea. He made a follow up phone appointment with me in 3 weeks at which time he said he was confident all my symptoms would be gone.

I only managed to work a day and a half this week. As of today's writing on Saturday I am greatly improved from last week but still definately having some pain, nausea, and fatigue issues. My children and I did some volunteer work this morning at the local animal shelter and I am so exhausted now I will likely be in bed for most of the rest of the day.

I have always known that doctors caution you on the use of ibuprofen and the stomach upset it can cause for some people, but NEVER dreamed it could do this to me. I was taking prescription strength which is 800 mg 3 times a day. Just for comparison, over the counter ibuprofen is only 200 mg/ tablet so it is a significant difference. The funny thing is that I have taken presciption strength before for an ankle injury when I first started running a few years ago, and had no ill effects whatsoever. As much as I hate to say this, perhaps age plays a factor here. It does seem that once you turn 40 your body begins to fall apart...LOL.

I am relieved to know nothing is seriously wrong with me, but impatient to get back to 100% and all my normal activites.

Poor Sick Mimi

2011-07-12T20:52:00.005-04:00

I need to whine for a moment so bear with me, dear reader. I have been horribly ill for a week now during mine and Jay's stay at home vacation no less!!

I had been having ear pain for about a week and a half which continued to worsen until it was so unbearable last Wednesday that I finally went to the doctor. My doctor diagnosed me with TMJ which is an inflammation of the jaw joint and surrounding muscles. I was given presciption ibuprofen to take 3 times a day and told to call if it did not improve. After suffering horrible pain the rest of that day and night I called the next morning to ask for something stronger for the pain.

Here comes my rant on HMO's which is our only available insurance choice via Jay's employer. I called their main number, explained my need and was then transferred to a nurse in a call center where I explained my need again. I was told a message would be sent to my doctor and they would contact me. Two hours later when we had had no return call, Jay called. He was connected to the nurse call center yet again and explained his wife was in horrible pain, neither of us had slept for much of the night and I really needed some additional pain relief. Do you know what this nurse had the audacity to say to him?

"I have sent a message to her doctor, Sir. He has 24-48 hours to get back with you."

I was stunned at the callousness of someone in a supposedly caring profession. Jay was FURIOUS! He then asked to be connected to the person in charge of the center. The extremly unhelpful nurse places Jay on hold for close to 5 minutes then returns to say she is connecting him and proceeds to connect him to a fucking voice mail! At this point, Jay is about to explode with anger.

He calls back explains the whole damn problem again and tells the nurse on the other end that he will NOT be connected to a voice mail, he MUST speak with a person. After a good 30 minutes on the phone we FINALLY get my doctor. I explain to him my pain and he gives me a prescription for Lortab and advises me to continue with the ibuprofen as well for the inflammation. By Friday my ear pain was all but resolved, but my health saga does not end there. I now had an even more serious problem which has still not resolved itself.

I awoke in the middle of the night last Thursday with horrible stomach pain. The pain continued nearly non stop until I was in tears and finally had Jay take me to the ER about 11:30 Friday evening. They thankfully gave me IV pain and anti-nausea medication which brought me relief at the time. They did blood tests and ruled out their most serious concern of a problem with my pancreas. The doctor seemed to feel I was suffering gastritis due to the ibuprofen the last couple of days. I was sent home with a presciption for Prevacid and instuctions to take the Lortab for continuing pain and follow up with my doctor if the pain continues.

This was Friday night. After a weekend of suffering and increasing nausea so severe I could not sit up for more than 15-30 minutes at a time, Jay took me back to the doctor on Monday. I was sent for an ultrasound where they ruled out any problems with my gall bladder, pancreas or liver.

My doctor now believes I have a peptic ulcer. I was given 3 different medications and told to call again Thursday to report how I am feeling and the next steps to be taken. The medication has thankfully greatly relieved my nausea and my stomach pain has somewhat improved, but I am still quite miserable and very easily fatigued.

After being on vacation last week (which pretty much sucked since I have been sick since Wednesday) I really needed to get back to work, but have been unable to return. I plan to return tomorrow, but don't expect to make it more than half the day especially since I cannot take the pain medication while at work.

The one and only upside to all of this is that I have lost 5 pounds since last week...LOL. I can't recall ever being so sick that I have lost my appetite for any period of time. It is a very strange phenomenon for me, but damn I ought to get a little something out of this suffering! I have not been able to exercise for over a week which is driving me nuts, so I guess it is a good thing I have lost my appetite!

So there it is...my whining session. If you have read all the way to the bottom, thank you, dear reader. I will NEVER again take my health for granted and long to return to my normal life.

A New, Submissive Me

2011-07-08T04:17:00.007-04:00

It has been some time since my last post...I apologize for that. Life seems to have a way of getting in the way of blogging. I suppose I did leave everyone hanging a bit with my last post. The much anticipated meeting with our new Mentor never happened due to unforseen developments in his personal life. He did teach us much and advance us further down our D/s path, however without me ever having met him in person at all. For that I thank you Sir. I have continued to make some great strides lately in my quest to submit to Jay.

I really cannot explain it, but something seems to have just fundamentally shifted in me as a person and as a submissive of late...all for the better. Overall, I find myself feeling much more self confident than normal, most especially at work but in my personal life as well. I am much more willing to engage with others socially, and just much happier in general. I told Jay the other day that I feel happier lately than I think I ever have in my life, yet the old pessimist in me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop as if this can't possibly last forever. I really cannot point to anything in particular responsible for this change as I have been doing nothing at all different in my life.

On the D/s side of things, I feel much more sexual in general with a greatly increased libido. More than that, I truely see Jay as my Master now. I respect him and wish nothing more than to please him with my submission. This new vision culminated in a most pleasing and erotic visit to a local dungeon last Saturday.

Upon entering the place, Master sat on a sofa and directed me to sit on the floor at his feet. He had me retrieve my collar from his bag and present it to him to fasten around my neck. After some time just sitting, he led me around the place by my leash observing and investigating the various pieces of furniture and play things that were there.

After a little more sitting at Master's feet hoping the folks using the St. Andrew's cross would soon be finished with it which they were not...ha, ha....Master had me remove my dress and kneel before him in position 3. He chose to place me on my knees in a stocks like device. He then rubbed my back and bottom with a soft piece of rabbit fur until I felt like purring. From there the crop was brought out and used to smack and warm my ass up. Master then moved on to the flogger as I moaned with his attentions. As the stocks had me in a quite uncomfortable physical position, Master eventually freed me, and chained me face down by the wrists in a standing position to another piece of furniture which I find difficult to describe. It was padded, and shaped rather like a honeycomb of sorts, and curved such that I could recline against it.

Here Master again took out the flogger and began to flog my backside in earnest. I could hear him chatting with a couple who had been watching us. When the flogger was put away, I heard the man ask Master, "Is that bamboo?" at which I began to whimper. I HATE the bamboo cane. It hurts, hurts, hurts. Master rubbed it gently against my backside as I whimpered softly. He began to lighly flick me with it as I tried not to wiggle about too much, already anticipating the sting I knew was coming. Master toyed with me for a bit with light little strokes before unleashing one stinging blow which caused me to cry out.

With that, he put the bamboo cane away, unchained me, offered me some much needed water, as it was very hot in the dungeon and I was coated in a sheen of sweat. When I was suffuciently rested, he shackled me to the device again, face up this time. He then brought out the crop again and began to smack my breasts with it. After some time of this, he retrieved the clothes pins from his bag and began to affix them to my breasts. He allowed a male member of the group that had assembled to watch to caress me as he did this. When the clothes pins were affixed to his liking to my breasts, he ordered me to spread my legs father apart and began to affix them to my labia. I moaned with the sensation, flying high on endorphins already.

Master then began to lightly strike me with the crop, warming me up for the blows that would smack the clothes pins off my breasts. His assistant continued to caress me all over. I felt the male member of the couple who had been watching all night slide his finger into my hand. He had told us earlier as he watched my flogging he had wanted to grip my hand to see how hard I would squeeze and thereby judge the pain I was experiencing. When Master felt I was good and ready he began to smack clothes pins off my breasts one by one. I groaned and cried out with the pain and pleasure, my head tossing to and fro. When all the clothes pins had been smacked off, Master lovingly rubbed me down with the soft rabbit fur. The sensation was exquisite.

He then moved to the clothes pins on my pussy, running his hands over them and batting at them a bit. I hoped and trusted Master would not be so sadistic as to smack those off with the flogger as well, but was preparing myself for whatever he decided his pleasure would be. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard him tell the couple, "I would not be so sadistic as to smack these off." He began to gently remove them one by one. I cried out with the sharp sensation of pain as blood began to flow back into my labia.

Other pleasures occured during the evening. I was eventually bound by wrists and ankles to the St. Andrew's cross and given another good flogging. Master brought out the large wooden paddle which I also greatly hate! It was given to him as a gift by Mistress Faye's husband some time ago. He lightly rubbed it against my ass teasing me while eventually only giving me a light blow with it. Through the course of the evening, I had the flogger, crop, paddle and whip used on my backside leaving some rather lovely although not terribly numerous marks on my backside...we planned to go to the pool the next day and Master was making a careful attempt not to mark me in areas that would show outside my bikini bottom!

The evening culminated in Master leading me on all fours to the dog cage there. He had me crawl in, still naked. He leaned over and told me to begin to masturbate. I wanted to resist, I wanted to say no, but I wanted even more than that to submit and please my Master. So I reached a hand between my legs and began to masturbate as a roomful of people alternately watched and continued their own conversations. It was humiliating, and I was soaking wet! When this had gone on for some time, Master unlocked the cage and led me out on all fours. He whispered to me that he had a treat for me.

He had me crawl over to a very attractive, and completely naked girl who had been making pointed eye contact with me while I was in the cage. Master then directed me to provide her oral pleasure until she came.

I began to kiss her, tasting her warm wet tongue. I moved down to her breasts, young and firm and a little smaller than my own. I sucked them into my mouth, biting gently at the nipple. After some time spent with her beautiful breasts, I licked and kissed my way down her tummy to her smooth shaven mound. I parted her lips and began to suck her clit. At that same time, her Master grabbed her by the neck and began to squeeze at which she cried out loudly. I hesitated, thinking I had done something to hurt her or something otherwise altogether wrong until I caught the look of ectascy on her face. Her Master laid her back against the bed on which she sat and continued to apply pressure to her throat as I eagerly licked her clit and slid a finger inside her sloppy wet pussy.

I must admit I felt a bit inept and unsure of myself. I have the same equipment, you would think it would be a no brainer that I would know what to do to pleasure her. Still I was entirely unsure I was doing it correctly. When I expressed this to Jay later in the evening he jokingly asked if he was going to have to teach me how to eat pussy, ha, ha! Her clit seemed rather small much like my own. I licked and sucked while fucking her with my finger until she writhed and moaned about and seemed to be genuinely pleasured.

This scene was pretty much the close of our evening. Jay and I soon left after this. Reading this account back now, it sounds like some sort of letter to Penthouse, entirely made up and out of the realm of the possible, yet I assure you it all was indeed very real. I feel that a new world has been opened to Jay and I with a simple change in my own mindset that seemed to have simply come of its own accord with little conncious thought or decision on my part. Our sex these last few weeks has been AMAZING. I dont recall it ever being better in the 13 years we have been together. I feel closer and more in love with him than ever. Life is very good right now.

Tomorrow

2011-05-20T10:07:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I will be meeting our D/s mentor for the first time. Jay had a fairly lengthy meeting with him several weeks ago. I have communicated with him extensively via phone and text, but not yet seen him in person.

I am both giddy with excitement and extremly anxious. I have pitched several temper tantrums,and at times exhibited behavior unbecoming of a submissive. I have been told I will receive the proper discipline for my behavior. Our new mentor means business, this I know. He is good at what he does. He won't be inclined to go easy on me as Jay often is. He will teach Jay not to go easy on me.

I need this. I crave this. I fear this.

The Sting

2011-05-18T12:45:00.001-04:00

After the concert last Saturday, Jay had a little fun of a different sort in store for me. When we returned to the car he assisted me in removing my corset which was succeeding in compressing my lungs until I could barely breathe (thank God I didn’t live during the Victorian Era), and handed me a sheer tank top to put on which left my pierced nipples and breasts quite visible. I was a bit disturbed and fussy about this happening right in the parking lot where plenty of people continued to walk by, but made the wardrobe change as quickly and discretely as possible in the car.

I was then ordered to give him my wrists so that he could bind them with the wrist cuffs which I did without complaint. Just before he placed my blindfold on I spied the penis gag in his hand. I begged not to be gagged. My mouth was dry, my throat was a bit sore from all the screaming and singing, and I just didn’t feel I could do it. He was kind to me offering to leave the gag off if I promised to keep silent. The blindfold was put into place, and we were off to his desired destination as I sat nervously in the passenger seat. I tried to ask a few questions to which I got, “I’m going to put the gag on.” After that I was silent because I knew he meant it.

My mind raced as I tried to imagine what it was he had in store for me. I feared we were going back to a club we had visited a few months ago that I had found undesirable. Perhaps, I thought, he has arranged my first meeting with our new mentor, but knew that was unlikely for several different reasons. I worried and fretted about what he had in store for me and whether or not I would be able to please him with my participation.
I felt oh so tired after the evening’s festivities at the concert. All I really wanted to do was go home. I was having a rather hard time maintaining the proper interest and enthusiasm for this little excursion.

When the car finally stopped, he came around to the passenger side and removed my cuffs. I reached for the blindfold, but he batted my hand away roughly. I began to feel panicked at the thought he might make me walk into what was obviously a public place blindfolded. He then informed me he would remove the blindfold for now, but put it back in place once we got where we were going.

When the blindfold was removed, I could see that we were at the adult bookstore we had visited some time ago which has the viewing booths in the back. There was a bar with an outdoor deck next door full of partiers eagerly watching people as they entered the adult store. I crossed my arms over my nearly bare chest and kept my eyes down in shame as we entered the store. Jay promptly told me to take my arms down from my chest as we wandered the small store.

He eventually led me to the back with the viewing booths, replaced my blindfold, and led me to a booth. I was told to sit on the stool, spread my legs and rub my cunt as he fed the machine dollars and scrolled through the porn. He unzipped his pants and told me to take out his cock and stroke him. I was tired, I had to pee, and I didn’t want to do this. I rubbed lazily for a bit, and then just stopped. As I sat there, trying to convince myself to continue with his demands…SLAP! He slapped me across the face hard. I didn’t even see it coming with the blindfold on. My face stung and my cunt was instantly wet.

I obediently got down my knees on the dirty floor and began to suck his cock with much more enthusiasm, my cheek still stinging with the blow from his palm. He had me climb back up on the stool and stroke his cock as I fingered my wet pussy. He kept going on about how he knew I wanted another cock. I desperately tried to peer underneath my blindfold, terrified that there might be someone else there. Someone that he was going to allow to fuck me or someone whose cock I would be ordered to suck. There wasn’t, of course, but he knew it would frighten me.

When he asked me where I wanted his cum, I immediately replied that I wanted it on my tits. I pulled down my top, got down on my knees and hungrily offered my tits to him. When he shot out onto them I gave a quiet cry of arousal. When he had covered my tits and chest with his orgasm, I pulled my top back up, feeling the wetness of his cum soak into the shirt. He then placed me back on the stool, and had me scroll through to find my own porn and masturbate until I came. When I did, he urged me to cry out loudly. I did my best, but I still think it was rather muted due to my concern about being heard by others in the store.

An important lesson was learned here by both of us regarding just how much my arousal and compliance can be influenced by his physical dominance. I had asked him several times in the past to slap me in the face, but he never could bring himself to more than just a tap. This is just the beginning, I hope, of a beautiful journey into dominance and submission together.

I Am A Very Lucky Woman

2011-05-16T13:43:00.001-04:00

My husband loves me very much. I’ve always known this, but I don’t think I’ve always appreciated it as I should. I know this not because of all the things I am about to tell you he bought and did for me, but because the love behind them was palpable. It is my desire to express my appreciation for all these things to him here today.

My birthday was last week Jay always does very well for my birthday which is a challenge for him as it falls on or within days of Mother’s Day. I have never gotten a combo Mother’s Day/Birthday gift. This year though he seemed extra full of surprises.

The Friday before Mother’s Day I received a bouquet of flowers at work with two balloons wishing me Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day I received a basket of my favorite lotions from Bath and Body Works. However, my dear husband wasn’t done there.

He arranged to take our daughter to my parents for a few hours while our son was at work. He instructed me to light a few candles about the room, remove all my clothing, slip into my spa robe, and await his return. At this point I assumed he was having someone come over to give me a massage. As it turns out, he had arranged a little more than that.

There is a woman that attends and gives performances at the fetish parties we frequent; I’ll call her Ms. Dee which is fitting for a couple of reasons, not the least of which that she has very large breasts. I have had a huge crush on her for quite some time now. I’ve conversed with her briefly, but never anything of significance. At our last party, we learned that she is a licensed aesthetician, and runs her own business. She gave me her business card.

My sweet husband, knowing I would never have the nerve to call her on my own to arrange an appointment, arranged one for me. He also explained to her how I have had a little crush on her for some time now. He further made sure she was ok with performing my services while I was completely naked. She was plenty fine with it! So I received a body polishing (this involves rubbing an exfoliating substance all over my body, showering, and then rubbing body cream all over my body including my breasts as a special treat just for me), a facial and a foot treatment completely in the nude as Jay watched and enjoyed.

Jay also arranged for Ms. Dee to stay to dinner with us. I know your feverish, perverted minds want to hear about the hot lesbian sex that later ensued, but I must disappoint you in that. That’s not to say it might not happen at some point in the future…who knows. In addition to being hot, Ms. Dee is a sweetheart and now a new friend.

The next day on my actual birthday, I received a beautiful birthday cake and an MP3 player to take on my runs from my children.

What else could my wonderful husband have given me for my birthday to top that you ask…a time machine magically transporting me back to the 80’s in the form of Bon Jovi tickets for this past Saturday night!!! They are one of my very favorite bands since the teenage years. They played for nearly 3 hours. We had so much fun! There is nothing like an arena full of 20,000 people singing the entire first chorus of “Livin’ on a Prayer” while Jon simply stood on stage and listened. I swear that man just gets hotter and hotter as the years go by!

Being the more and more obedient sub I am striving to become, I wore the outfit Jay directed me to wear to the concert…black corset cinched so tightly I could barely breath and very short black skirt which I tugged at all night trying to prevent my ass from hanging out! After the concert is another story entirely, but another illustration of why I am a lucky, well loved woman. I shall attempt to post the details later this week

A Dom's Love Song

2011-05-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

Everytime I hear this song by ShineDown I think about how it perfectly describes a Dom's relationship with his sub, and it makes me wet. What is more powerful than to be owned body and soul by a man stronger than you...physically and mentally?

Jay and I may have finally found our mentor for developing our D/s relationship in the way we would both like. I'll be keeping it to myself until it unfolds a bit more.

Get Off the Cross, We Need the Wood

2011-05-05T13:26:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: The following post has NOTHING to do with sex. There, I warned you.

I recently had an interesting and wonderful experience. Jay and I finally made the decision to join a health club. It’s a very nice one too…open 24/7, a resort-like swimming pool (indoor and outdoor), every imaginable class and piece of exercise equipment, spa, summer daycamps for our daughter. We are very excited about having finally joined.

When you go in to take a tour with a representative and actually join, they set you up with a “free” session with a personal trainer. I attended my “free” session on Sunday. I went in with the expectation that I would tell him or her that I have my aerobic exercise taken care of with running, tell them the areas of my body I would like to focus on toning, and he or she would direct me to and demonstrate the equipment that would best help me achieve those goals. Ah, but this was not to be, dear reader, as I soon discovered.

My assigned trainer whom we shall refer to as "Rick" immediately sat me down at a desk and had me fill out paperwork about my top three fitness goals which were as follows VERBATIM on my sheet(this will become important later):

1.Tone
2.Strengthen
3.Perhaps some weight loss (not my main goal)

This sheet went on to ask me to list what I ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks on a typical day. That seemed a bit much, but I went with it. For the most part I eat pretty well most days so I listed a typical day, and omitted a day when I might eat say a half a bag of Reese’s miniatures or 6 chocolate chip cookies or a bowl and a half of ice cream. Really that’s my business, not his. Rick read over the list carefully and finding little he could critique, went for the evil granola bars. “Boy you really like granola bars, don’t you? They are full of sugar. Get rid of them. Eat a protein bar instead.” When I protested that protein bars taste awful, Rick offers,” Ah well not all of them. We’ve got some great ones downstairs in the café. Check them out.” It was at this point that I began to realize this “free” personal training session was not going to be what I had hoped for.

Eventually Rick did get up and lead me into the workout area, my hopes increased that maybe now I could get what I wanted from him. Instead he led me right to his little evaluation station where he proceeded to ask me to get up on the scale to take my weight. I have quite recently made the decision that I will no longer weigh myself. I know what I weighed about 3 weeks ago, and I can tell from my clothing if I have lost, gained or maintained that weight. I no longer want to be deeply depressed or wildly ecstatic over a number on a piece of machinery. Again being the submissive sort of gal that I am, I complied with Rick’s wishes and figured he could take his number and I just wouldn’t look at it. I stood on the scale until he told me I could get down. As I did so, he gestured his head towards his computer with a very serious look obviously wanting me to take a look at the number as well. I am a human being, I couldn’t help but look. What I saw didn’t surprise me at all. I felt a bit of mild embarrassment that this total stranger (male no less) now also knew what I weighed, but I wasn’t as horrified by it as I think he wanted me to be.

We moved on from there taking various tests and measurements including the dreaded BMI. When he had determined this for me, he turned to me in his most serious of expresions and reported his findings of .35. “What does that mean?” I asked. In an even more somber delivery he replied, “This means your body is made up of 35% fat.” Again, it didn’t shock or concern me as much as it seemed to concern him.

When Rick had finished all his measurements and computations, I was handed a sheet of his findings which told me I was overweight. Really Einstein? I am shocked! I had no idea before I walked in here today that I was... dare I say the word... overweight. Remember those goals I listed at the beginning? The ones that said weight loss was not a main goal for me? Rick apparently skipped right over that part as he went on to the real purpose of our “free” personal training session which was to push his weight loss training classes and eating plan which cost quite a hefty sum over and above the monthly membership fee. I know I am not a (deep serious voice here) “personal trainer” but I am thinking that if I am running, and I desire to come in to the gym to work on my goals of toning and strengthening I just might lose a little weight as a side effect of all that.

I tell this story for a reason, dear reader. As recently as a few months ago I would have left that meeting deeply shamed and embarrassed. I would have beaten myself up as mercilessly as a Catholic nun on her period. I likely would have never returned there to work out with the “thin” people. I would have dieted and restricted myself in guilt and fear until I could stand it no longer and then binged for days or weeks until I had gained back every ounce I had managed to drop, and hated myself even more than when I began. But that didn’t happen. Other than some mild annoyance that this guy had wasted over an hour of my time I could have been spending with my daughter at the pool, I felt nothing. I left there with my self worth, confident that it wasn’t tied to a number on a scale or a BMI reading. I left there knowing that I am an attractive, sexy, lovable woman. I left with the same plan I came with... continue to run because I love it, add in some toning exercise, eat what I want when I am hungry because to do anything else makes me a crazy woman, and I just might lose some weight in the midst of all that. Would I like to lose weight? Yes. Am I about 25-30 pounds from what I consider to be a comfortable weight for myself? Yes. Will I die if I never see that weight again? No.

This shift in thought and mindset represents a huge milestone for me. It comes with decades of struggle and pain that I know many women can identify with. I no longer feel the need to nail myself to the cross because my body isn’t the right shape or size. It is such a relief and such a joyful feeling that I just can’t keep it to myself!

What He Said

2011-04-29T21:20:00.001-04:00

This is the hottest thing that has been said to me in a very long time:

"When I smack you, your eyes will roll in your head."

Mon Cherie's Chamber Reunion

2011-04-17T17:56:00.028-04:00

Master and I had such a wonderful time last night at Mon Cherie's Chamber reunion! By far the best night out we have had in many moons.

The Chamber was the hottest fetish club here in Atlanta in the late 90's and early 2000's until it sadly closed about 7 or 8 years ago. Jay and I frequented it fairly reguarly in those days. We were not yet experimenting with D/s play ourselves at the time, but were very intrigued and aroused by watching the shows that went on there.

When it closed, Jay and I were lost for a place to go for fun when the opportunity for a night out would arise. Ms. Mon Cherie was kicking ass and taking names last night!! She should be proud of herself for gathering the greatest group of performers, vendors and guests in the city for a hot night of lustful deviance!

As always I have pictures of the evening to share with you dear reader.

Let's begin with my new nametag Master presented me with just last weekend for wear at last night's event...

And the view I had from the end of my leash as Master paraded me about all evening...

How about a few photos of some of the performers and kinky deviants in attendance...

And now for the REAL fun... Mimi receiving a flogging and paddling from a friend of ours...

Mimi receiving a flogging and spanking from a new friend we made last night...

My bruised and battered bottom courtesy of Master Jay and friends. Towards the end of Master Jay's paddling/spanking he leaned in, rubbing my bottom, checking in with me, and I pleaded, "No more paddle, pleeeeease Sir." I would have taken anything other than the paddle at that point...flogger, crop, hand, belt...anything. I received several more whacks of the paddle just for good measure.

Mmmmm, I can't wait to go to work tomorrow with my little secret neatly hidden under my clothing, my bottom smarting each time I move in my chair reminding me of the erotic time I had this weekend.

The Unbearable Affliction of Yearning

2011-04-13T22:21:00.002-04:00

I WANT...often with a painful intensity. I want with such a raging hunger I fear it can never be satisfied. It threatens to swallow me whole, this wanting. It snarls and growls at me in it's endless demand to be satisfied.

I am a fish on a hook...writhing on my own desire. My peace of mind the sacrificial lamb to my depravity.

My mind is overwhelmed with images of filth...intwined tongues, pulsing sex organs, naked flesh, your hands, your eyes, your mouth on me.

Don't deny me again with your exhausting logic and ever present reason. Want me as I want you. Soothe the wailing voice that insists on being fulfilled. Join me in my thirst for lust, and unfetter my bound heart.

What I Am...

2011-04-05T21:17:00.001-04:00

And They're Off....

2011-02-19T17:30:00.007-05:00

That's me in that sea of people there about to begin my first 10K. I did it!! It was a very warm 70 degrees here in Atlanta today, there were more hills than I had anticipated on this course, but I finished it. I was exhausted by the end and my time was not what I had been hoping for (1:16), but I had a great time and learned some valuable lessons for next year...like dont let the excitement overwhelm you and start out WAY too fast the first 2 miles, train for those hills, and find a way to focus even when running amidst a crowd of people. When I run solo, I often feel peaceful, focused and "in the zone". I had a really difficult time doing that today with so many other people running alongside me.

All in all though, I had a great day topped off by accompanying my daughter and a neighbor and her daughter to the Justin Bieber movie, ha, ha!! In his defense I do have to say he is a talented kid who seems to have been raised well. He seems like a genuinely nice boy. I hope he can stay the course and not get swallowed up by the fame at such a young age.

P.S. There's a little camel-toe going on in that last picture that I thought some of you might enjoy..wink, wink.

New Directions

2011-02-13T13:13:00.004-05:00

Jay and I have decided that we have come to the conclusion of one facet of our odyssey of sexual exploration. We have agreed that we will no longer invite a 3rd party into our sex life. It was a scintillating idea for a time. However, of the 5 encounters we had over the past 3 years, one was so horrible I still wish I could undo it, another was unenjoyable for me and fraught with jealousy for Jay, two were actually fun and satisfying, while the 5th was hot, satisfying for me and very confusing all at the same time.

In general, I believe neither of us have ever been 100% comfortable with the idea, but each agreed to try it for our own reasons. My reasons centered around a desire to revive a failing sex drive, pleasing Jay and replacing something I had lost. He may wish to speak for himself later, but I think Jay's reasons revolved around wanting to try something new, and the simple pleasure of watching his wife have sex. He got to enjoy his own live action porn scene with his wife as the star.

It's a difficult thing to pull off. There were jealousy issues, there were hurt feelings, there were guilty and even shameful feelings for me. The small payoffs we got were not worth all of the angst that went along with it. This sort of play just never felt comfortable for me, nor truth be told, do I think if felt comfortable for Jay. I found it often unnerving and akward to engage in sexual relations with another man in front of my husband. While I did derive sexual pleasure from some of our encounters, my overriding emotion surrounding it all was shame. I can't get past the societal mores that teach me such behavior is wrong, even taboo.

It is my personal belief that intimacy between 2 people will eventually suffer if this is an ongoing lifestyle. I know there are those out there blogging away about their success and enjoyment of some variation of this "open" lifestyle. I think there are indeed a handful of couples out there for whom this works well. If it works for you, I say, embrace it and enjoy it! For Jay and me, it was not the answer.

This is certainly not to say we are returning to a simple "vanilla" sex life. I still long to be dominated, controlled, treated like his cherished little "pet." I have discovered I am more of a spank me, choke me, tie me up kind of sub than an objectify me and share me with others sub. I have found my limits the hard way it seems.

A Moment in Time

2011-01-19T18:36:00.005-05:00

His lips met hers with an urgency born of need and longing. His lips were richly full and soft as he poured his desire into her. He ran his fingers through her long, curly hair as they kissed, his body pinning hers against the hotel door as if to ward off any effort at escape. Far from running, she opened herself to him, her arms slack at her sides, her knees bent nearly to buckling as he unbuttoned her blouse and took what she ardently offered as his. This belonged to him...this moment, this time, this act. She ceaselessly offered this moment to him in her heart and mind despite distance, separation, her own confusion and his relentless fear.

As his mouth closed on her breast, her legs refused to support her any longer as she moaned her pleasure. As he wrapped his arms around her waist to support her failing legs, his eyes met hers with an intensity that took her breath away.

He breathed into her mouth, "Yes..." erasing years of longing, regret and might have beens with a single word.

She wrapped her legs around im as he carried them both to the waiting bed. They tumbled down together, his shirt chafing against her naked breasts as he lay atop her. She could feel his growing hardness against her thigh through both layers of their jeans. She heatedly tugged at his shirt, eager for the skin on skin contact.

As he knelt over her to remove the shirt, she reached out to cup the bulge at his crotch. As if they had a mind of their own, her fingers began to unzip his fly to reveal the cotton fabric of his shorts beneath. She gently cupped his balls in her hand and stroked his increasingly hard cock through the fabric until it was straining painfully at the seams of his boxers.

In one swift movement, he shucked off the jeans and shorts while tugging her jeans over her hips to join his in a discarded pile on the floor. She watched with bated breath as he loomed over her, bracing himself on either arm. She could feel her heart thudding so hard in her chest she thought surely he could hear it too as she fervently anticipated his entry into her.

Her arousal was held on a knife's edge as he joined his body with hers but delayed the entry they each craved. He gave her the full weight of his body, the skin on skin contact heightening her senses, his chest hair exquisitely glancing across her raised nipples, his cock nestled just between her legs. She could have spent hours locked in this embrace were it not for the incessant throbbing of her greedy cunt.

When she had reached her breaking point, the anguished plea on her lips, he smoothly began to work his way down her body. He knowingly paused a moment to suckle her breasts until she helplessly arched her back, her breath coming in ragged gasps as he seemed to suck the very life from her. Her cunt felt swollen to three times it's size, small rivers of arousal flowing freely down it's edges. She became dimly aware of begging him...

"Please,please, please," she chanted.

She did not know for what exactly she was begging,only that she must have it.

She felt the warmth of his face against her swollen sex seconds before his tongue met her hard little clit. She cried out as he gently inserted a finger inside her wet hole. His mouth seemed to consume her as he sucked noisly, his tongue tirelessly massaging her sensitive nub. She felt his finger slip deeper inside her, caressing her in the most intimate of ways.

She raised her head to encounter his steadfast green gaze as he playfully winked at her. She noted her own wetness smeared across his face just as she felt the steady climb into oblivion. She felt her thighs close reflexively around his head as pleasure soared through her body. When she finally floated back down to earth, she found his arms wrapped around her hips as he tenderly kissed her engorged lips.

He purposefully climbed his way back up her body until the head of his cock, slick with the juices of his arousal, lay just at the entrance to her pulsing sex. They exhaled together as he leaned forward to push his way inside her.

This simple action stirred a need within her unlike any she had ever known. She pressed her hips up to meet him, hungry to contain every inch of him. He pumped slowly, denying her the frenzied fucking she sought as he savored the sensations of entering her at a measured pace. He balanced above her as she gripped his biceps, thrilled by the hard muscle beneath her touch.

She emitted a small cry as his thrusts grew more forceful. Her breasts bounced between them as he began to pound into her. He circled his hips as he ground deeper and deeper inside her before throwing her legs over his shoulders, seeking to sink even deeper into her as her arousal dripped onto his balls.

She opened her eyes and watched him as he fucked her, his head thrown back, jaw tense with exertion, his fingers gripping her thighs with such intensity she knew she would find bruises there the next day. His thumb found it's way to her slippery clit where he rubbed in time with the rhythm of his own thrusts. She felt her body helplessly responding to him once again. She didn't want to cum just yet. She wanted to freeze this moment , wanted it to contine on and on and on without end.

As is the way of this world, nothing lasts forever, not even mind blowing sex. She listened as his moans turned to guttural groans. Her hips rotated, grinding her clit harder against his thumb despite herself. She reached underneath them to grip his tight balls just as she began to cum all over his cock.

All she could manage as she exploded with pleasure was a mindless, "Oh, oh, oooooh!"

She heard his own cries join with hers as she felt the warmth of his semen leaking onto her thighs. He collapsed on top of her, their legs a tangled heap, their breath slowing together until they were in perfect rhythm as she absently ran her fingers through his hair.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon locked in the hotel room together alternately enjoying easy conversation, laughter, and carnal delights. She avoided looking at the clock, loathe to witness the time slipping away. When she could ignore it no longer, she rose to prepare for the inevitable return to reality.

She stood naked at the bathroom counter willing herself to do what she must when he slipped in behind her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his warmth at once comforting and arousing, nibbling and biting at her neck until she shivered with pleasure. She felt his cock growing against her ass as she leaned into him with a sigh.

He bent her over the counter entering her from behind. He grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head up to watch in the mirror as he moved inside her. She enjoyed the way her heavy breasts dangled and swayed as he pumped. He slapped her ass once, twice, three times as the echo reverberated loudly in the small enclosed space. Without warning, he spun her around lifting her onto the counter before plunging inside her once again.

They fucked with an urgency fueled by desperation as the clock ticked loudly in their heads. Her body bounced violently off the mirror as he fucked her with abandon. His hand went to her throat, applying greater and greater pressure until her eyes rolled back in her head as she came all over him one last time.

She mindlessly wrapped her legs around his hips and squeezed him even deeper inside herself. He came with a churning rush of cum, collapsing against her as she drained him.

As she sat there on a hotel bathroom counter supporting his body with her own, she was strangely at peace with her fate. She would always come when he called. She would forever listen for his call even if it never came again. She was quite simply...a slave to this desire. She would from time to time pretend none of this was true until she could no longer support the ruse. She would walk through the world filling her roles properly, wearing the visage of a sane, responsible woman while her heart would continue to yearn for this perfect moment in time, unencumbered by the past or their own human frailties.

Do You Think Many People Have This Problem?

2011-01-08T18:24:00.004-05:00

I went for a massage this afternoon. It was heavenly as always. However, as she began to massage the top of my butt, I panicked. The thought running through my mind was this, "Oh God, do I have any fresh bruises on my ass?"

After a little pondering, I realized Jay and I have not had any play sessions in the immediate past, and my ass should be free of any bruising. I relaxed once I made this determination.

Really, how many people do you suppose there are that have to stop and think about whether or not they have spanking bruises on their ass when they go in for a massage?!

Incognito

2010-12-21T22:00:00.006-05:00

I went in today for my semi-annual hair cut. On a whim, I decided to have my stylist blow dry it straight. I have wondered for some time now how I would look with straightened hair. Little did I know that not only would Jay REALLY hate it, he would be totally pissed off at me for the remainder of the day. Even after I made him understand it was a completely temporary thing... that I would return to the natural curls he knew and loved as soon as I washed my hair the next day...he was still rattled for the rest of the day.

While I much prefer the natural curls myself, it was a fun diversion from the everyday. It is such a radical departure from my normal hairstyle that I almost felt as if I were walking about in disguise today. I feel that it lends me a much more dominant, agressive, woman of the world type of look, which is probably exactly why it touched such a nerve in Jay. Our personalities are very opposite... he is dominant and protective while I am submissive and nurturing. We both like it this way, and find that it works very well for us. I suppose the new look kind of threw all of that off kilter for him, not to mention the fact that he complained that I looked like his Mom and his sister!!

I'll give you a peek at both do's and you decide which is your favorite.

Straight...

Or Curly...

Jingle Bells

2010-12-14T17:34:00.004-05:00

Look what my sweet Sir bought me before we went out Saturday night. I LOVE them!! They jingle and sway with the slightest movement, and they're so cute. Sir and I giggled and delighted in them like school children. My Sir knows just what makes me happy. Thank you my honey :-)

Today on the Calender

2010-12-12T11:55:00.003-05:00

I have a calender with a message for each day on my kitchen counter. Today's message was so meaningful for me, I just had to share it...

"Often the true path of love begins only when romance has begun to taper off, for love is the capacity to see light when darkness has begun to eclipse it."

On another note...Jay and I had a great time at another of Mon Cherie's fetish parties last night...this time with a Christmas theme! I hope to have some photos for you soon!

What Do You Want to Do With the Rest of Your Life?

2010-12-10T20:21:00.002-05:00

My last remaining grandparent ( my maternal grandmother) passed away last Saturday. If I am honest, I wasn't as close to her as my paternal grandparents who passed away last year, and the loss was not quite as difficult. However, I did of course love her, and after my paternal grandparents passed I comforted myself with the thought that I still had one grandparent left, so things were still kind of normal. With my grandmother's passing this week, I have lost an entire generation of my family. All that remains are memories, photographs, and certain sentimental items. It changes in some ways the entire landscape of life.

I can't help but be unnerved by the realization that the next generation to go will be my own parents, hopefully a good 20-30 years from now. If I am bewildered and melancholy by the loss of my grandparents, how in the world will I survive the loss of my parents? Something I try not to think about too terribly much.

I don't like the age I have become....the age where loved ones begin to die from, well, simple old age. I have witnessed several friends my own age lose their parents in recent years, and it is terribly unsettling. I have a friend who lost her parents 5 or 6 years ago, and is still clearly not over it. I don't think one would ever fully recover from the loss of a parent. I imagine in some ways one would feel like an orphan no matter what age they were.

While I have tried valiantly to pretend it is not happening, Jay's father is coming to the end stages of a serious illness he has lived with for some years now. It fills me with a sense of dread. I don't know what to do or say to help him with this. I feel quite helpless. I just try to trust that the right words and gestures will be given to me when they are needed.

All of this pondering of death lately can't help but bring me squarely face to face with my own mortality. When I was 20 I think I truely did believe I and those I loved would live forever. Now at age 40, having witnessed the passing of 2 sets of grandparents, I know every life is finite. This begs the question...what do you plan to do with the remaining 40 or 50 years of your life?

I think about all the time I wasted in my younger days. Afraid to try new things for fear of failing. Afraid to approach new people for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Constantly judging myself as lacking in one way or another and missing out on so much life because of it. I think it's high time I stop nailing myself to the cross every chance I get.

I feel this great desire to serve lately...not in the D/s sense of serving , but the more spiritual sense of the word ( so sorry to disappoint my freaky fans out there, ha, ha). I'm not entirely sure in what capacity just yet, but my eyes have been wide open and I have taken advantage of the small opportunities that have come my way in recent weeks. I think this will become my greatest path for happiness and fulfillment.

Speaking of D/s and sex in general...I am feeling lately less of a desire to share every detail of my sex life with the world. That's not to say I intend to close down my little portion of the blogosphere, but postings, I think, may become less and less frequent as I focus on other things.

It is my hope that when my time is up in this particular body, that the God of my understanding will be well pleased that I have used it to the fullest. It is my personal belief that most of us souls return here to live many, many lifetimes until we have finally mastered the lessons we were sent here to learn. It is my sincere aspiration to skip a few lifetimes by using this one really, really well!

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T21:10:00.004-05:00

In this season of Thanksgiving, I want to take a moment to reflect on the blessings I am thankful for in my life.

I am thankful for my family...

- My good looking, intelligent, kinky, loving husband.
- My goofy, sweet, funny daughter and her old soul.
- My handsome, smart, athletic, kind hearted son.

I am thankful that Jay and I have both have our parents here with us. We have reached an age where some of our friends are starting to lose their parents and it is very unsettling.

I am thankful that Jay and I are both gainfully employed and able to provide for ourselves and our children.

I am thankful each time my 16 year old, newly driving son comes home safe and sound.

I am thankful that I am fortunate enough to be concerned about all the excess calories I will have access to tomorrow when many will go without.

And, dearest reader, I am thankful that any of you find the ramblings of my deviant mind interesting enough to keep coming back for more.

What are you thankful for?

My Mentors

2010-11-22T20:30:00.000-05:00

I have discovered two role models for who I should be and what I should strive to do for my Master. You will find both of them rather unusual, I assure you. You might even find them amusing. However, these two role models embody the one thing I desire to offer my Master each and every day no matter the form it takes...my innocent and undying adoration.

The first mentor I wish to tell you about is none other than Barbara Eden...more precisely Genie of "I Dream of Genie." Jay has turned our daughter onto this show of late, therefore I have been watching quite a lot of it. The more I watched it, the more it struck me that Genie was for her Master what I desire to become for mine. Her sole purpose is to serve and bring him happiness. Her joy is found in bringing him joy. She trusts him implicitly. Her love is offered freely and innocently. She is the picture of the perfect submissive.

My second mentor you will undoubtedly find a bit more unusual, dearest reader. My second role model in this walk of becoming the perfect submissive is one of our dogs, the Akita/German Shepherd. She is Jay's dog. Not because she was brought into the family specifically for him or because he claimed her as his dog, but because she developed a strong bond with him of her own accord. The love this dog feels for him can be seen palpably in her eyes. It is not unusal to find her lying on our bed with Jay gazing at him with pure adoration. He strokes her lovingly and tells her what a good girl she is. She responds immediately to any command he gives her, trusting that her Daddy would never bring her to harm. She too embodies my idea of the perfect submissive.

This is the very picture of the D/s relationship I wish to have with Jay. I wish to lie and simply adore him. I wish to have him stroke me and tell me what a good girl I am as I make it my purpose to express my adoration through serving him. I wish to find it within myself to obey his every command immediately, without question. My heart longs to be his obedient "pet."

I Can't Get This Song Out of My Head

2010-11-21T17:00:00.002-05:00

I have had the new Miranda Lambert song, "Only Prettier" stuck in my head for days now. If you listen to country music which I have developed an appreciation for in my oid age, you will probably know it. It's a funny little song narrating a cat fight Southern syle.

The last line in particular continues to float around in my head, escaping my lips every now and then as I go about my day. As a result of the struggle with the depression I mentioned in my last post I have gained about 25 lbs over the last 2 years or so. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I have yet to find the willpower to lose it. The one advantage I have found is that my boobs have grown a whole cup size, ha, ha!! I now have FULL C cups. I joke with Jay that I saved him thousands by giving myself an all natural boob job!!

I have decided this song, and this line in particular is an appropriate theme song for me...

"I'll keep drinking/You'll keep getting skinnier/I'm just like you/Only prettier."

If you are interested, here is the whole song for you. It doesn't hurt that Miranda Lambert is so damn pretty!

Tired...

2010-11-19T21:09:00.002-05:00

I am not sure where to begin this post. It is sure to be a whiny one, no matter how I compose it. It's not sex related, so stop right here if you're searching for something hot and steamy to help you along. Remember that emptiness I brought up here? Try as I might, I can't seem to find that one magical thing that will fill it.

It's not surprising really, I've been searching for it to no avail most of my life. It's only been recently that I have matured enough to become aware that searching was what I was doing...this next bite of food will do it, this high will do it, getting married will do it, having a child will do it, fitting into size "X" will do it, this relationship will do it. Guess what, none of those things did it more than temporarily. I am not suggesting I dont love my children with all my heart or that I am not happy to be married to Jay. I'm only honestly stating they were some of the things I genuinely believed would bring me constant, everlasting happiness. Guess what happens when the things you used to fill up the empty spaces stop working, or are taken from you...you get depressed.

I have shyed away from sharing this side of myself here, reserving this space only for well adjusted, erotic, deviant Mimi, but that's not always who I am (much to Jay's dismay). Who I am is erotic, deviant, sexy, but also someone who feels empty much of the time, someone who has struggled with depression since her teens. I've decided maybe I can share that not so sexy side of me too because I know at least a few of you dear readers feel that emptiness too.

I struggled with depression in varying degrees throughout my late teens and early twenties. It improved after that and all but disappeared after I met Jay. We married, had a child of our own three years later in addition to his son he brought into the marriage that I raised as my own. Happiness and fulfillment abounded in my life during this time. I felt I had finally escaped the demons that plagued me in my younger years.

Slowly things began to go awry. I was faced with some of the more unpleasant realities of life, and lost some of the things that were dear to me and that had helped bolster my sense of who I had become (things that filled the empty spaces), and eventually the depression came back full force about 4 years ago. I tried to deal with it on my own until just last year. Refusing to seek help because that would be an admission of failure of sorts. I had believed that scared misfit of a girl was long dead and buried, yet here she was raising her ugly head again.

So I woke up each morning with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, pulled myself out of bed despite the crushing despair, and felt proud that I at least got up and showed up at work each day. I slogged through each day as best I could finding little joy in anything. Then I would return home often impatient and angry with my children,or arguing with Jay because he just couldn't understand what was wrong with me, never having experienced depressed Mimi before.

Finally last fall I had to admit that I couldn't live like this anymore. I had sought help in the form of talk therapy off and on, but I had to admit the problem was bigger than me, and I needed more than that. I finally agreed to medication. Since then I have been on 3 different medications. The 3rd one seems to be the charm as it has worked well for me for about 6 months now.

Lately, however the discontent, irritability, restlesness and emptiness are rearing their ugly heads again. And I am confronted with the question that never seems to leave me..."What will fill the empty space?" I return to the old methods and feel even more empty and frustrated when they no longer work. I miss the good old days when I could fool myself enough to keep the darkness at bay with one trick or another.

My gut tells me simply swallowing the right pill everyday is not enough. It can clear the fog and make Mimi function again, but my heart tells me the full answers lie in the metaphysical. So I study, I meditate, I pray and still can't find the sense of peace I seek.

I am tired today...tired of contentment being so elusive, tired of happiness being so much work, tired of seeking and never finding. Just tired...

The Afternoon Quickie

2010-11-17T12:12:00.003-05:00

Jay and I just returned from a Thanksgiving lunch with our daughter at school.

He brought me home and fucked me afterwards. I happen to be wearing a dress today, with crotchless panties, stockings and garter, and boots. He pulled the dress over my head, bent me over the end of the couch, spit on my pussy, and shoved his cock inside me. I moaned into the sofa as he ground against my backside.

"Slap my ass, baby," I moaned.

Slap, Slap, SLAP went his hand against my bare ass as we fucked and I groaned my pleasure.

When his cock fell out of me, he led me upstairs. I laid on my back, legs in the air, pussy spread wide and open for him. He spit on my pussy again and stroked his cock against my clit before plunging deep inside me again.

Dear God, we were both so worked up. It didn't take long with my fingers on my clit and his cock plunging away inside me before I was loudly screaming in orgasm in our child-free home. Jay quickly followed suit with a release of his own.

Now I return back to work with hand prints on my ass, and the scent of his cum dripping out of me. Makes the day ahead a little more bearable.

Master's Slave for the Afternoon

2010-11-14T11:31:00.011-05:00

I spent the afternoon before the Halloween party serving as Master’s slave. Sadly, as always, we ended I spent the afternoon before the Halloween party serving as Master’s slave. Sadly, as always, we ended up with less time to devote to deviance than we would have liked. Master had a task planned for me that would have earned me my own pet pillow, but did not have the time to engage me in it. So I remain a pet without her own soft pillow.

After dropping our daughter off with her grandparents for the night, Master had me remove my bra and change into a thin cotton T-shirt he had required me to bring. The fabric was so thin the outline of my nipples and new installed nipple rings were clearly visible. He then took me to the pet store where I was allowed to pick out my own doggie dish and a new chain link leash.

When we arrived home Master had me disrobe and kneel before him in our bedroom as he affixed my collar and new leash around my neck. Next he attached the nipple clamps to my nipple rings and threaded the chain through the O ring of the collar. Finally, he buckled my wrist and ankle cuffs around each extremity. At last, I was a properly adorned slave. I was then led by the leash on all fours down to the den.

Once in the den, Master informed me that I would have to earn my own pet pillow, and for now I would have to use the bed belonging to our Akita/German Shepherd. The first task I was given was to remove all the dog toys from the bed…not with my hands, but with my mouth. This wasn’t so terribly bad. I was able to perform the task quickly and well for Master.

Afterwards, he kindly asked if I would like a drink to wash the dog hair from my mouth. When I replied that I would, he led me on all fours into the kitchen (linoleum is an extremely HARD surface on one’s knees in case you have never crawled across your own kitchen floor) where there was a doggie bowl full of my favorite beverage…Diet Mountain Dew. I obediently lowered my head and lapped it up like a good girl, my pussy throbbing between my legs.

I was then led back into the den and ordered to curl up on the doggie bed. My beloved Master then took the flogger to my exposed ass. What I did not know was that Master had been studying technique and had discovered how to strike me with the tips of the flogger producing a distinctive stinging sensation. He flicked the flogger across my naked ass over and over until I was writhing about and crying out on the dog bed.

He then went outside to smoke a cigarette (my Jay has take up smoking again with the stress of his job which worries me greatly) with instructions for me to remain there on the dog bed. I laid there and listened to him talking to someone on his cell phone and began to feel the rush of endorphins coursing through my body as a result of Master’s flogging. God but I love that wonderful feeling my Master gives to me.

When Master came back inside he ordered me to go upstairs and get the lotion for massaging his feet. I scurried upstairs, grabbed the lotion, scurried back to set it on the floor and lie back down on the dog bed. Master was in the kitchen getting himself some ice water as I waited.

When he returned he sighed in an irritated manner and exclaimed, “Unbelievable!”

“What is it?” I asked, falling out of my role and thinking perhaps my son had just called wit something annoying to say or ask.

“That’s not the lotion I told you to get. That’s not my lotion,” he informed me as if speaking to a child.

In my haste, I had brought down my own lotion, not thinking to get his eucalyptus scented lotion, and didn’t even realize it until he corrected me. I was given another round with the flogger for my carelessness before being sent upstairs to get the correct lotion.

When I returned, Master was seated on the sofa where I was directed to kneel before him and remove his shoes and socks. When this was done, I carefully placed his bare feet on a towel and prepared to massage him. He stopped me before I could begin with a redirection to suck his cock instead.

I unzipped him and carefully removed his cock as he turned on the TV to watch the Georgia-Florida game. I dutifully licked and sucked as he flipped between football and porn. After 15 minutes or so of pleasuring him orally, I was directed to begin massaging his feet. I massaged his feet and legs, my nipple clamps dangling from my breasts as he continued to watch football and porn.

When his foot massage was done I was made to bend over on all fours and finger my ass as he watched and grew hard. When he had had enough of that, Master placed me over the ottoman and entered my ass. Being his slave, I could only respectfully acquiesce as he pumped in and out of my ass.

After several minutes of pumping, he pulled out, sat down on the sofa and told me to go get something to clean him off so I could suck his cock again. I stared at him dumbfounded. He couldn’t possibly be asking this of me. I had often commented when watching porn how disgusted I was by the scenes of women being fucked in the ass then sucking the same cock that had just come out of their asshole. I swallowed hard and went upstairs to retrieve the things I would need.

My mind raced…I can’t do this…he won’t really make me do this…what is he is serious…I think he is serious. I was near tears before I stopped and refocused. Master has given me a task. I am his slave to use as he sees fit this afternoon. Master would never to anything to harm me, My one purpose this afternoon is to bring pleasure to Master.

I then methodically gathered the things I would need…warm soapy washcloth, dry towel, baby wipes. I would have poured alcohol over his cock if I thought I could have gotten away with it!!

I went downstairs, kneeled before him, and washed his cock and balls with the washcloth, dried them, thoroughly wiped with the baby wipes and dried again. Now was my moment of truth…I kneeled there, head lowered, just looking at his cock.

“Suck it, Mimi,” he growled.

I lowered my head to his crotch and stopped just short of his cock. Despite my little pep talk to myself upstairs, I still hesitated to take him in my mouth. He placed his hand on the back of my head and shoved me the rest of the way down.

I opened my mouth to his cock and sucked weakly. Master grabbed me by the hair, pulled my head up and slapped my face.

“I said suck my cock,” he bellowed.

I took him in my mouth again and did my best to overcome my disgust and suck him properly. I got a few more slaps to the side of the face as I sucked to encourage me to perform better.

When Master had had enough fun with that exercise, he mercifully ordered me to lie on the dog bed and masturbate. I gratefully complied as he watched and snapped photos.

When I was wet and writhing about for his cock, he knelt before me and entered my needy pussy. We rocked and moaned together, my hands on my breasts playing with my nipple rings. I bucked my hips up to meet his as he thrust harder and harder until reaching his orgasm inside me.

And that, dear reader, is how I came to be fucked on a dog bed for the first time as Master’s little bitch.

Happy Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T10:33:00.004-05:00

This morning I (Jay) told Mimi to complete a task for me in honor of this special day today.

To all my brothers who risked their lives, who paid the ultimate sacrifice, and those who are safely away from the field of battle, I had Mimi wish you all in our own way a Happy Veteran's Day!

Strike Hold!

- Jay

The Halloween Fetish Party

2010-11-09T21:18:00.011-05:00

My dearest reader, I have been remiss in posting photos from our Halloween fetish outing a couple of weeks ago. Honestly, I must admit that Jay and I were a little disappointed in this year's soiree. There were no shows or demonstrations, no St. Andrew's crosses or whipping benches, just dancing and drinks with no alcohol we could discern for $6 a pop. The evening was not a total loss, we did have fun, but had come with higher expectations. The afternoon prior was far more interesting as I served as Master's slave for the day. Look for a narrative of that coming soon.

I have no interesting pictures of the party for you, but do have a number of before and after pictures to share with you.

Here you can see what I was (or was not) wearing under my costume...

Here is the outfit itself. If you recall from this post, I had tried to order a sheer top dress for this event only to be told several days later it had been discontinued. My Jay was so excited about the idea of showing off my new nipple piercings. I was very proud of myself for finding this outfit also with a sheer top...

Jay dressed himself as a creepy old vampire. He wore his skeleton top hat with the stringy, grey hair, applied white makeup with green and black accents to his face, glued a pair of fangs to his teeth and dribbled a little fake blood along the sides of his lips. These were some of the best photos we took of the evening...

At the end of the evening Jay had me remove my skirt at the side of the car and ride home in the attire you see below in exchange for a promise to stop by a Krystal on the way home and get me a yummy snack...

The final picture of the evening as I walked into the house...

Transitions

2010-10-28T06:50:00.000-04:00

Last week was a difficult yet enlightening one for me. Circumstances forced me to get honest with myself and let go of a long cherished fantasy. I don't care to share what that fantasy was except to say it was one that brought a great deal of joy and pleasure to my life and another until it became unhealthy.

The funny thing is, I believed I had let go of this fantasy some time ago only to be hit in the gut with the realization that I hadn't loosened my grip on it nearly as much as I wanted to believe. I was confronted with the stark realization that I had lived for years and was still living with the hope of making my fantasy work without injury to myself or others. I did a good job of convincing myself that I could control myself, but this relationship was not like the others that I could take or leave. It never would be because my heart was wrapped up in it and it always would be no matter how hard I tried to tell myself otherwise.

The realization was quite a shock to me. I had done a marvelous job of lying to myself with the noble intent of soothing what hurt while all along nurturing the hope that still nested in my heart.

The result of all this is a swirl of feelings and emotions. I find myself grieving the loss of something dear to me all over again. I found myself unable to control tears I had not shed for this fantasy for years as it disintegrated before me once and for all.

While at the same time experiencing a great sense of relief that I could finally free myself and another from this desire that did not serve. I felt a sense of gratitude that I was finally forced to be brutally honest with myself about this secret hope that still lived in my heart and the fact that it simply could not be.

I would like to say I am at peace with this loss now, but I am not there yet. What I feel is a certain sense of emptiness. What I feel is fear for how I will replace something that had occupied a large space in my heart for many years. While enjoying a sense of release with letting this fantasy go, I also feel a great deal of sadness to see it die. Although a source of great pain when I allowed it to swirl out of control, it was also a source of great happiness and intense desire in my life. How do you replace something like that?

I have an overwhelming sense,however that this is a new beginning for me. Holding onto the hope of this fantasy whether I was concious of doing so or not, kept me stuck in the same place in my life as I waited for the past to be reborn. As for the empty space I spoke of, I am fully aware now that I have tried to fill this space not only with this particular fantasy, but with a vast array of people, things, and habits (some healthy, some decidely unhealthy) none of which ever completely did the trick simply because they were never meant for that purpose. I recognize now that no person(not even Jay or my children) or thing or habit is ever going to be big enough to fill it. A truth I have only recently come to accept as fact. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that only something much Bigger offers what I seek to fill that space.

While wistful at letting go of the past, I also look forward to a new beginning with a deeper understanding of who I am and where I've been. I feel grateful to have been loved so well in my life both past and present by romantic partners, friends and family. I am content to understand that just because someone cannot offer their love to you in the form you would most desire, doesn't make it any less real for you or for them.

I can find peace in acceptance that I don't always know what's best for myself, my desires are sometimes not ones which would serve me most. If I will get out of the way, and allow it, there is a Force greater than myself that does know how to find my greater good and will lead me to it. I am grateful to all those He places along my path (some of them read this blog and know who they are) to help me find my way there.

Sensual Product Review: Massagewicks Candles

2010-10-26T16:02:00.002-04:00

I have another wonderful product to review for you, dear reader. A product that can be used as a prelude/foreplay to hot sex, as a way to continue the intimacy after a hot session of sex, or just a way to express your love for that special someone. A massage candle from Massagewicks.

These candles are made using using a specially formulated blend of soy wax, apricot oil, cocoa and shea butters, all wrapped around a natural cotton wick. They are offered in a variety of lucious scents, or can be fragrance free if you prefer.

Simply light the wick, and allow the candle to burn for about 20 minutes until you have a nice pool of oil. Blow out the candle, and dip it out with your fingers, or as I prefer, have your partner drizzle it onto the desired area of your body for massage. Soy candles burn only at a slightly higher temperature than body temperature, and thus will never burn but instead provide a sensual warm sensation when applied to the skin. The burn time for the candle should be approximately 30 hours, but will vary based on how you use it. The number of massages will vary as well depending on use as well as how much oil you use for each session.

Jay has a eucalyptus scented candle I plan to use for my next weekend of worshipping Master. I think my Master will find great pleasure in the soft light of the candle filling the bathroom as I bath him, followed by a massage with his favorite scent.

Jay and I had the opportunity to use one of these wonderful candles Friday evening and it was a throughly satisfying experience. We chose option B mentioned above (a way to continue the intimacy after a hot session of sex!) allowing the candle to burn and fill the room with it's scent as we enjoyed each other's bodies. The scent I chose was patchouli amber which has a musky, sexy sort of scent I love. I can't wait to try out some of my other favorite scents like coconut lime and warm sugar vanilla...mmmmm.

Jay blew the candle out when we were ready to use it and drizzled the oil all along my back. The sensation was divine as the warm oil hit my skin just before he began to massage my back and buttocks as he rubbed it in. The scent lingered on my skin and the sheets all night which was an added bonus.

There are three things that I love about these candles that are different from what I have found with other massage candles we have used in the past...

The thing I love the most is that the candle retains a soft, lotiony sort of texture long after it has cooled. This means I can scoop some up anytime I wish and massage it into my hands or anywhere I desire to moisturize and enjoy the scent I have chosen.

The second thing I love about these candles is that they soak directly into my skin and don't leave me with an oily or waxy feeling after use that I feel the need to rinse off my skin afterwards.

The third thing I love about these candles is the price. Most of the candles we have used in the past have been $20 or more. These awesome candles are only $10 a pop.

I have already begun to suggest more scents to Jay that I expect to find in my Christmas stocking!!

A Weekend of Pleasure

2010-10-24T18:40:00.004-04:00

I regret to inform you, dear reader, that Jay and I did not make it to our Halloween fetish party this weekend. Forces conspired against us (including our daughter coming home from school with a fever on Friday) that forced us to make the decision that the outing just was not going to work for this weekend. Never fear, however, there is yet another one being held next Saturday that will be just as much of a kinky good time.

With the decision not to go out Saturday night, we found ourselves with very little obligations for the weekend which is highly unusual for us. Our daughter was perfectly fine by Saturday morning (a bit of a reaction to her recent flu shot, I believe), and spent most of the day across the street with one of her best little friends for her birthday party. Our son went off all day with one of his buddies, so we pretty much had the house to ourselves most of the day. This all equaled LOTS of sex for the weekend.

Both before and after the obligatory appearance at the birthday party across the street we found the occasion to have sex. However, the third time we had sex on Saturday night was by far the best.

I was turned on all afternoon smelling Jay's cum between my legs from our two previous sessions. So much so that at one point I came up behind him as he made dinner in the kitchen and said, "I can smell you between my legs and it is making me so horny!"

Later that evening after our daughter was tucked into bed where she fell immediately to sleep after a long day of birthday partying, and our son was spending the night with his best friend, we found ourselves alone together in bed watching TV. The TV found it's way to porn and Jay's hands found their way to my nipples which were newly adorned with hoops in place of the barbell piercings.

Jay began to tug my nipples by the hoops while his tongue probed my mouth deliciously. I writhed and moaned as we both watched him tugging at my nipples harder and harder. I eventually called for my vibrating bullet which I applied to my hard clit as I directed Jay's finger inside me. He inserted another finger into my asshole and fucked both holes as my bullet buzzed away on my clit until I spat out between clinched teeth..."Here it comes. I'm cumming, I'm cumming..." as my cunt clenched on his finger.

I was then directed down to his cock where I took in the scent of the previous fucking that day before swallowing his hard cock. My ass was in the air taking a nice playful spanking as my head worked up and down his cock. I eventually placed myself flat on the bed in front of him and began to suck his cock with a purpose. My cunt ached to feel him inside me again, but I was content to allow him to cum in my mouth.

I was such a happy slut when he motioned me towards him, shoved me back across the bed and sank his cock in me. My little cunt felt sore and a little tight from the 3 other fuck sessions she had received in the last 24 hours (once Friday night, and twice earlier in the day) which produced the most delicious mixture of pleasure and pain as he fucked me. I wanted his cock more than I can put into words. It was an animal, visceral sort of wanting.

He leaned over me to pump slowly into me as I reached up to feel the hard muscles of his arms, wrapping my legs around his hips and digging the heels of my feet into his ass. I opened my eyes to alternately watch his face and my breasts bouncing underneath his thursts, silver hoops shining from my nipples.

He raised upright once again and began to pound into me with all his might, porn running in the background which we both snuck a glance at from time to time. I gripped the sheets with my hands, my hips thrusting back at him for dear life as he hit just the right spot inside my throbbing little pussy. I opened my eyes just in time to watch his face as he emptied himself inside me.

Today saw one more session of sex as our daughter went back over to play with her friend and our son studied in his room. Jay swatted my ass with a new little feather duster we found with serves as a small, stinging sort of cane on one end and a soft, soothing bunch of feathers on the other end.

He slowly built the intensity of the swats until I had my face shoved into the mattress to muffle my cries.

"Oh Sir, Oh Sir, Oh Sir," I cried.

He pressed me down into the mattress by the small of the back, my ass raised high for him and hissed, "Quiet. Stop making noise."

He beat me with this tiny, make shift little cane until the emotion came bubbling up out of me and I was on the verge of tears. He sliced the toy through the air just above me such that I could hear the whipping sort of sound it made as it passed through the air. I nearly lost it waiting for the blows to connect with my ass that never came.

I then felt the new toy on the soles of my feet and immediately began to plead, "Please, please, no..." remembering the pain HeadMaster had dealt to the soles of my feet during our one session together.

Again, Master was fucking with my head as no blows ever came to my feet.

At this point our daughter returned from across the street!! Jay went out to direct her to watch a little TV until he came down. He returned to me at which point we got right down to business in the interest of time...ha, ha.

That wonderful man fucked me a fifth and final time for the weekend and all felt right with the world.

Master's Reply to His Slave

2010-10-22T22:56:00.002-04:00

My Jay responded to the email I sent a few days ago with one of his own. After reading it, I felt like such a fortunate pet and wife. I cannot express the love and gratitude I feel to have a husband willing to travel down this path with me.

My Lovely Slave...

Yes, you have taken entirely too long to send your list.

Being the masochist I know you are, I know you have painful desires and needs it is my duty to fulfill. For the time being I will use this list as a basis to provide you pleasure through humiliation and pain. But understand I will command another list in the near future.

Moving forward, as my slave I will address you as Mimi to indicate my intention of directing you as my submissive slave, and not my wife.

To be a pet is a great task, and takes a great deal of humility to submit and serve as such. I trust you are up to the task. This weekend, we will look for your accoutrements so you can be my good slave-pet.

We will also plan a weekend of servitude for you. This servitude will include servicing me at will, and tasks for my pleasure.

I see you wish a new leash. The one you have is perfectly fine, but I would be interested in what a slut such as yourself might want. Possibly something that has studs on it to add to your pain as you are slapped with your leash or maybe a chain with a choker...we will certainly see what would suit your deviant desires.

As part of being an obedient submissive, you must trust your Master, and do as commanded. As your Master I would never intentionally put you in any danger or dangerous situations. My respect for you is great and I would not do anything that was personally or deeply humiliating as I know you better than anyone. To do anything that was truly disrespectful would be egregious and would make me unworthy to be your Dominant. Never forget that I love and cherish you as my wife first and foremost.

I do not think a third person is a good idea for our relationship, but your servicing others at my pleasure is another matter. I do know you enjoy many things and activities...things and activities you feel like you should not enjoy,yet you do. As your Dominant, it is my responsibility to not only provide pleasure and punishment, but to expand our limits together.

I am glad you want to only serve me sexually, actually more than glad, it shows me that you desire and only adore me, which makes me confident our roles are in the place we have been working towards.

Therefore regarding your final request, I agree we should not include a third party Dom in our relationship, and I do not think a third party sub would be good for us either. However, I do find that it is necessary for you to be able to service others as I direct. We have discussed that we both know you enjoy servicing others, but you tend to think negatively of yourself after the experiences. What I will promise you is, I will not frequently ask this of you, but I will command you to service others at my discretion for my pleasure. You will do as I command and not disappoint but enjoy it as I know you do.

What I desire from you is for you to be an obedient slave, to be a loving slave, for you to allow me to take you to the dark places you desire, and I do encourage you to tell me your desires so I can continue to take you to those places your heart longs for. Through this I will earn your respect and continue to explore this world together.

Your Loving Master.

Learning to Walk

2010-10-20T18:06:00.011-04:00

Jay and I are eagerly anticipating a fetish Halloween party we are attending on Saturday. I have a hot new dress and stiletto heels courtesy of Mistress Faye. The story goes like this...Jay had ordered this outfit for me with my full cooperation only to receive an email nearly TWO weeks after ordering it telling us the dress had been discontinued and they only had size small in stock. Since this slut is most definately not a size small, we were back to square one with only a couple of weeks until our big night. Mistress Faye kindly offered me a smoking hot dress of hers along with the perfect shoes to accessorize.

The thing about these shoes is that they are 5" stiletto heels. I have never worn stilettos before and found myself hobbling around in them when I first tried them on. For those of you who have never worn them, imagine walking on stilts on your tiptoes and you'll have a good picture of what it feels like to attempt to walk in these shoes. It was decided that I was to walk about the bedroom each evening naked for Jay while learning to walk properly in these shoes. Last night we snapped a few pictures of them because they are just too damn hot to wait until the weekend to share with you...

We moved on to the bed and took a few slightly more revealing photos...

As the camera clicked away, I grew more and more aroused...

This led to Jay eventually putting the camera down and inserting his finger inside me. I had my handy dandy vibrating bullet pressed against my clit as he finger fucked me. It buzzed away harder and harder on my clit as his finger slid in and out of me until I was calling out, "Mmmmm, Daddy, Daddy..." as I came so hard my vagina was sore afterwards.

As I was coming down, Jay slipped into the toy bag and brought out the NJoy anal plug. He carefully lubed me up and inserted it into my ass before sliding his cock inside me. He pumped a couple of times before pining my arms down with his as he continued to pump steadily inside me. I wrapped my legs around him and dug the stilettos into his ass as the weight of his body bore down on my wrists pinned to the bed causing a delicious build up of pressure as I struggled against him. I pumped my hips up to meet his as our fucking became increasingly frenzied. I watched his face and listened to his sounds of release as he came inside me.

I can't wait to "practice" learning to walk in my new heels again tonight!

A Letter to Master

2010-10-19T18:15:00.001-04:00

This letter was waiting for Jay in his email's inbox this morning...

Dearest Master,

I know I was tasked by Mistress Faye to send you a list of activities I would enjoy as your submissive some time ago. I have been a lazy slut in taking 3 weeks to get this list to you. I apologize deeply for this Sir, and submit to any correction you deem fit to prevent such behavior in the future.

I have given much thought to this task Sir. What I desire most is to be pleasing to you. Any guidance you are willing to provide is much appreciated by this submissive, Sir.

One of my deepest desires is to be your pet, Sir. To this end, these are things I would take great pleasure in while serving as your sub Sir:

- I would enjoy a pet pillow designated just for me...soft and plush in texture...hopefully presented as a gift to your pet

- I would enjoy an evening of being directed to remain on this pet pillow ready to serve you at all times. I may even enjoy being made to sleep on this pillow.

- I would enjoy being made to take my meal at your feet (I might also enjoy being made to eat this meal from my own designated food and water bowls). You may decide whether or not I merit utensils for my meal Sir

- I would enjoy being made to simply sit at your feet as you watch TV or go about your normal activities, pausing to stroke my head and offer praise or correction whenever the mood strikes you

- I would enjoy a weekend of being directed to suck your cock whenever you so desire with the further requirement that I must ask at least every 2 hours if you require your cock sucked. I would fully expect to receive punishment should I fail to adhere to this schedule.

-You already know that I adore being led around on all fours by my collar and leash Sir. Perhaps if I am a good girl I might merit a new and different leash from time to time.

-Should the opportunity present itself to find one economically...I would SO love my own dog kennel/cage to be locked up in at your discretion Sir.

- I would enjoy being required to dispense my own punishment from time to time...I swoon at the thought of slapping my breasts with a ruler or slapping off my own clothespins.

I hope you find several or all the items on the list pleasing and appealing to you Sir as my purpose is to serve you.

This sub would make one humble request of you Sir. That request being that we reach an agreement to no longer seek out or invite 3rd parties into our bedroom. It is my desire to serve only you in a sexual manner Master. Should Master desire to see me flogged, spanked, paddled or otherwise disciplined at a party or between friends, I would greatly enjoy serving in this manner, but would respectfully request that sexual service be reserved only for you Master. I realize I am but your lowly submissive who has no control over what service you may require of me, and will do my best to submit to whatever pleases my Master most.

Your Loving Slave,

Mimi

Toy Review: The Nea by Lelo

2010-10-18T20:52:00.009-04:00

I am long overdue in giving you and my dear friend Shelly at Shelly’s Toy Box a review of my latest toy…the Nea by Lelo. If you recall I promised a review of the toy here when recounting our latest fetish party adventure.

Let’s start with the basics…the Nea is a perfectly sized clitoral massager. She comes elegantly packaged in a black box containing the Nea herself, a charger, user manual, one year warranty and a satin pouch for storage. The Nea herself comes in a glossy, porcelain- like finish with your color choice of white, black or pink with a feminine floral design on her backside. One of the features I love about the Lelo products is that they are rechargeable eliminating the need for packs and packs of batteries to keep the fun going. The time required for a full charge is 2 hours with a user time of about 7 hours once fully charged. The LED light will prompt you to charge when the battery is running low by emitting a red sheen when the toy’s buttons are pushed.

The Nea offers 5 stimulation modes…one continuous vibe mode and 4 pulse modes that range from intense to soft, long to short intervals. The user manual provides detailed instructions on how to scroll through the different modes of stimulation.

Now for the good part…what’s it like to play with the Nea? In one word…orgasmic! I love, love, love this toy! I love her for several reasons. The first and most important reason is the sensations she produces on both my clit and vulva. The Nea is shaped such that I can provide stimulation to my clit, while at the same time experiencing pleasant vibration along my lips which makes for quite a wonderful combination of sensations.

I love the way the Nea fits right into my hand and can be easily maneuvered for clit only stimulation or pressed against my clit and lips for dual stimulation. I myself prefer the continuous vibe mode, but probably need to spend more time experimenting with the various pulse modes. I am a girl who likes intense stimulation, and am often not patient enough for the build up of the pulse mode.

The second thing I appreciate about the Nea is the girly design. I love the floral design on the back and the pink color choice I made, although I find the white one quite attractive as well. It’s just more fun to play with a toy that looks so cute!

The third thing I really enjoy about the Nea is her size, and extremely quiet vibrations. The size makes her perfect to slip into a purse or even yours or your partner’s pocket when going out. She is quiet enough to allow for discrete public play if that sort of thing gets your juices flowing!

The only drawback I found at all in the toy was trying to figure out how to scroll through the various pulse modes and then return to the continuous vibe mode, but that probably has more to do with me and my lack of common sense than the toy itself…ha, ha!

Overall, I would highly recommend my little friend the Nea. If you are searching for something small and discrete, yet powerful enough to get the job done right, the Nea is your girl. I give her 10 Big O’s.

Master's Topless Slut

2010-10-07T16:34:00.007-04:00

Master had a task for me on my drive home yesterday. A fairly simple one, but really not so simple. Master's directions were that I hike up my dress revealing my garter and stockings, remove my bra and lower the top of my dress leaving me topless from the waist up. I was to drive all the way home in this manner (I was allowed to pull over and pull the dress up before entering our neighborhood), and provide him with pictures both as proof of my obedience, and for his gratification.

I had been given this same order a few weeks ago, and only half-ass complied. I did take off my shirt and bra, and I did drive part of the way topless, snapping a few pics, but less than half way through the drive I put them back on without informing Jay. My mindset has changed since then. While I did NOT want to do this task yesterday, I DID want to please my Master. I reminded myself throughout that this would please him, and felt a rush of pleasure in that.

I snapped a few pics as best I could at red lights and sent them off to him. I was rewarded with replies telling me what a beautiful slave I was.

I began to become a little more comfortable with my toplesseness, sitting up straight, knowing how pleased Master would be if someone witnessed my nakedness. I began to notice the warmth of the sun on my breasts which was arousing.

I must admit however, as I moved into more closely packed traffic, try as I might, I could not prevent myself from drawing my arms inward to shield my breasts. I felt so very exposed and unprotected without Master there with me in the car. I did not however, pull my dress down over my garter, put my bra back on, or pull my dress back up over my breasts until the designated spot Master had given me for doing so. Of this I was very proud and happy to have served Master's exihibionist pleasure.

As I know you, dear reader, would enjoy indulging in a little voyeurism of your own, here are the pics I took for Master:

May We Begin Now?

2010-10-04T21:51:00.008-04:00

Jay and I have taken a step back from out headlong plunge into D/s play. We have been re-grouping and rethinking, listening and talking to each other this past week. This re-grouping we have each separately and collectively decided calls for no outside play partners as Jay and I learn and grow in the lifestyle.

We recently had the very good fortune to meet another married couple much more experienced in the lifestyle than us. We met them indirectly through my blog post describing our August fetish party visit as Mon Cherie, who throws the parties, posted a link to the post via her Facebook page. We had the privilege of meeting in person at last month’s party, but really did not get to spend a large amount of time chatting as they were vendors at the event.

My new friend whom I shall call Mistress Faye took pity on me when reading last week’s post. She sent an e-mailed reply and has since taken on a mentoring/teaching type of role for Jay and me.

We are both feeling much better about our path after exchanging some very honest communication both verbally and via letters we each wrote this weekend expressing what we wanted to give and receive from each other via a D/s relationship as well as what our expectations were.

The light bulb moment came for me when realizing in the course of a conversation with Mistress Faye that I had been expecting Jay to simply “know” what to do and say in his dominant role to bring me to that “quivering puddle” state of submission when he was as much of a novice as I was. I didn’t even really give him many hints about what I desired, expecting that as a dominant he should just “know.” I was then disappointed when he didn’t just “know” what to do and assumed I would have to get those needs met in a 2nd dominant.

Until recently our D/s play had been confined to our own bedroom over the past 5 years with a few books for instruction, but no real contact and conversations with real live people experienced in the lifestyle. It seems comical and unfair to me now that I just expected Jay to have it all figured out because he was “naturally dominant.” As my new friend Mistress Faye pointed out, “Was the dominance fairy supposed to just come to him in a dream?”

I am also now able to articulate that much of what I felt was lacking in Jay’s dominance was the psychological aspect. He is quite good at the physical administration of discipline (although there is still much to learn regarding the use of various toys), but I long for that “mind fuck” that also goes along with a D/s relationship.

So we are back to square one, both admitting we have much to learn, both agreeing we want to learn, and grateful our new friends seem willing to offer their help and experience with no hint of any hidden agendas. Although I do need to note that Mistress Faye has very large, full breasts and we all know how I LOVE big boobs, ha, ha!!

This weekend my task from Mistress Faye was simply to adore Jay. I was to find ways to offer to serve him and ask for permission to do so. Fortunately, after some fall clothes shopping for our daughter Saturday morning, the rest of the day was rather open for us.

My Jay had been complaining of foot pain for several days which was made worse by 2.5hours of shopping that morning. I saw an opportunity to serve him and I seized it. I asked if I might massage his foot for him to which he readily assented. He went on to wonder as I rubbed his foot if I still had my foot spa in which he might soak his foot. Without being asked or told to do so, I went upstairs, retrieved the foot spa from our closet and set it up for him as he prepared himself some lunch.

When he had finished lunch, he sat in a chair in front of the spa I had prepared for him. Before beginning, I knelt in front of him, laid my head on his large chest and told him I respected him and wanted to grow in my respect for him even more. I asked Daddy to please allow us to begin again down this path of a D/s relationship.

I was first told I was to address him now as Master rather than Daddy, that only on special occasions would he allow me to address him as Daddy. He then asked if I was willing to obey and submit to him fully as my Master to which I replied whole heartedly that I was. He then gave his permission to engage in our path of D/s once again.

After this, I gently lifted each foot into the warm foot bath I had prepared for him and turned the massaging jets on. After allowing him to soak for a while, I asked if he was ready for his massage. I had obtained lotion the previous evening with a eucalyptus scent I knew he found pleasing in preparation for another service I planned for him that evening. I carefully lifted each foot from the foot bath and dried them off. I then began to massage his feet and legs with the refreshing scented lotion.

I felt a slight throbbing being between my legs as I knelt there serving him. I would have liked to have done it naked, but our son was upstairs in his room and our daughter was off playing with friends, likely to burst in the house at any time. His moans and groans of pleasure were enough to let me know my service was pleasing to him. When the massage was complete I asked for permission to kiss his feet. When granted permission, I leaned over and kissed the top of each foot feeling wholly submissive and worshipful.

That night after our son had gone to spend the night with a friend and our daughter was tucked into bed with all the dogs, I asked Master if I might bathe him. He replied that I could. I had cleaned the tub thoroughly earlier in the day in hopes that he would allow me to service him in this way. I scurried into the bathroom and began to draw the bath water. I then lit some scented candles about the bedroom, removed my gown and waited at the bedroom door for him, naked.

He soon appeared and ordered me to finish the remainder of the bath preparations(gathering his towel and wash cloth, soap and shampoo) on my hands and knees. When the bath was drawn, I crawled to him in the bedroom, knelt before him, unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, let them fall to the floor, and held them as he stepped out of them. I folded his shorts neatly before asking permission to stand and remove his shirt for him. When this too was folded neatly over his shorts, I crawled on hands and knees to the bathroom as he followed.

When he settled into the tub, I gently poured hot water over his chest and belly. I asked if he was ready for me to wash his hair now. When he indicated I could begin, I tipped his head back and gently poured warm water over his hair. I then lathered and massaged his scalp, moving down to his shoulders for a short massage before tipping his head back and carefully rinsing the shampoo out.

I then moved on to lather the wash cloth and began bathing his body. He reached out to play with my breasts and pierced nipples as I bathed his arms, chest and belly. He then stood in the tub as I remained kneeling beside it to wash his back, buttocks and legs. I gently washed his scrotum and penis, being careful not to linger unnecessarily lest I be perceived to be taking liberties I had not been given permission to take. I then lovingly poured the warm water over his body to rinse him. Finally, I massaged his feet as I lathered and washed them clean. When this was done, I waited at the side of the tub for further instruction or indication that he was ready to leave the tub.

I was told to massage his cock now. I had been eager to do this almost from the moment I began to touch him in the tub. My hand slid under the water, gripped his penis and began to massage. When he had had enough stimulation, he rose indicating he was ready to get out of the tub. I opened the drain, and held his towel out for him to step into before carefully drying his body.

I then crawled into the bedroom and bade him to lie down on the bed for a massage, asking permission to join him on the bed as I knelt beside it. I then crawled onto the bed to straddle his back as I warmed the eucalyptus scented lotion in my hands and began to massage his back and shoulders. I did this diligently for some time as he moaned his pleasure under my hands. I then moved further down to his buttocks and legs. I enjoyed the hard muscular feel of his legs underneath my hands and felt my arousal begin to build.

When I had massaged each leg, I asked him to turn over so that I might massage the front of his body. I massaged his arms, hands and chest before eventually working my way down to those muscular legs again. I spread my legs, taking his leg such that his foot rested against my breasts and belly as I massaged, longing to guide his toes to my throbbing clit, but restraining myself as I remembered my place in serving him.

When the massage was complete, I was ordered to suck his cock which I hopped to eagerly and greedily. I sucked and worshipped his cock, enjoying the sensation of it growing in my mouth until I was told to bend over the bed.

Maser then began soft spanking of my ass coupled with his fingers on my clit. He would build my pleasure while slapping my ass, and then back off. He eventually retrieved a paddle and something else from the sex toy bag. I began to pant and whimper as I got a glance at the paddle, anticipating what was to come.

“I haven’t even touched you yet,” he observed mockingly.

He alternated paddling and slapping my ass with what I would consider light spanking as he worked my clit. This was soon followed by a toy at the entrance to my ass. I am not a big fan of ass play (although I have derived pleasure from it at times) and might well have refused him at this point, but felt in such a submissive state after serving him for a large portion of the day, I wanted to do anything to continue deriving pleasure through serving him.

I pushed back against the toy as directed unable to tell exactly which one it was which increased my anxiety. It felt big… it did not slide easily into my ass. I whimpered and panted as I tried to coax my asshole into receiving it. After gentle encouragement from Master, I did succeed in receiving the toy into my ass. He applied a little more spanking to my ass cheeks before directing me to turn over onto my back.

The toy popped out and I had to re-insert it as Master entered me. It popped out again as he began to thrust into my cunt.

“It won’t stay in,” I whined.

“Well hold it in,” he barked authoritatively as if explaining something plainly obvious to a child.

And so I did. I re-inserted the toy and held it in place as he fucked me hard and good and wet.

After this session we enjoyed a quiet steak dinner for just the two of us complete with champagne.

Our weekend was capped of Sunday afternoon by exchanging our letters we had written to each other explaining what we each wanted to give and receive in our D/s relationship as well as what we expected and needed from each other.

Master required me to remove my clothing and kneel before him as he buckled my collar around my neck. I was then directed to read his letter to me on my knees in front of him. When I had finished, he read mine to him as he towered above me.

I was then ordered to stand and grip my ankles as he took his pleasure with me by fucking my pussy. I felt so submissive in this position…gripping my ankles, bracing my arms against my legs to keep my balance as he thrust harder and harder against me.

I feel that this is a new beginning for us. What had me so distraught and confused last week has proven to be a fortunate occurrence leading Jay and I to finally examine and discuss what we want from D/s play…I want the joy and pleasure of surrendering my power to him physically AND psychologically while he derives pleasure from my adoration as expressed through my obedience to him. We have a much better idea of where we were going astray and how to go about correcting it as well as some nifty new friends to teach us what we can’t learn from books. I feel we are travelling down a path that will ultimately bring us greater satisfaction in our D/s roles, as lovers and ultimately as husband and wife.

Where Do We Go From Here?

2010-09-29T19:23:00.002-04:00

Jay and I have come to another impasse in our ever evolving D/s relationship.

To set the stage for how we arrived here…I have had a task from him for a week and a half or two weeks now which I have been quietly deflecting and putting off. It is a very difficult task for me. It involves the two of us going to a particular store. On weeknights when he has called for it I have squirmed out by being too busy with home activities/chores or too tired. Time got away from us this past weekend and I slipped out of the task again.

The task was expected of me again last night which I was passively trying to get out of once again. After our daughter was in bed and our son was in his room studying, Jay took me to our bedroom, had me disrobe and kneel in front of a mirror while he applied the cane to my ass. My head was not in sub mode at all. My responses to his questions were monotone, insolent and irritable. When he finally ordered me to get dressed to go out to complete my task, I fell to the floor whining like a child that I didn’t want to and just couldn’t get in the mood for it.

Jay gave up in frustration. This set the stage for a difficult evening in which we tiptoed around each other, ignoring the elephant in the room.

Jay finally named that elephant as we were parting this morning…I don’t respect him. I didn’t know what to say. I almost cried because I could not deny that he was right. I do absolutely respect him as my husband and life partner. That was not what he meant at all. What he meant, and what I couldn’t deny was that I don’t respect him as my dominant…as my alpha dominant in a station far above anyone else we might bestow the honor of entering into play with me.

I pondered and pondered this all morning and finally discussed with Jay via text (we were both at work and I just couldn’t let it wait all day) the things I had found in my head…

I admitted that he was correct that I did not respect him as I should in his role of ultimate dominance over me. There was no point in denying what we both knew to be the truth.

I went on to explain the reasons I believe I lack this respect. It is my perception that dominance in this context (D/s) is not necessarily something that he is naturally drawn to. It is an interesting phenomenon as Jay’s overall personality if very dominant. He is a confident problem solver and leader both in his professional and family life. It is this quality that first attracted me to him. I feel safe and taken care of in his presence.

Yet it is my belief that we came to the D/s experimentation and crept further and further into the lifestyle via my leadership. I feel that it is something he has developed an interest in to please and satisfy me (I am grateful and fortunate to have a husband so willing to please me and meet my needs), but not something he naturally needs or desires on his own. This perception of mine leads to a lesser intensity level than what I experienced with “Joe” and most definitely what I experienced with “Headmaster.”

The other piece to the puzzle of my lack of respect in this context is the fact that Jay is my husband. It is difficult for me to switch the D/s dynamic on and off when we share every facet of our life together. Unlike with a playmate, I can’t just compartmentalize our relationship into just sex or just D/s. The fact that he is my husband also means I know his limits because I know him intimately in so many different ways. The fear factor and element of the uncertain is in general not high with him (and really, should it be? Should I actually fear my husband?) thus also lowering the level of respect I can extend.

We have had problems lately with playmates or potential playmates simply disappearing into thin air which has frustrated me. I currently have not heard from Headmaster in two weeks. I would have expected to have heard from him late last week or this past weekend, but I did not which leads me to suspect he may be yet another casualty.

Part of this is just the nature of the relationship we seek…something fun with no commitments or strings attached on anyone’s part. It is easy to have a little fun and simply move on to the next encounter without even bothering to tell us they have moved on. This is not what Jay and I are seeking, and perhaps we have not been careful enough in our selection of playmates or explained thoroughly enough what we are looking for in a playmate.

However, I also expressed to Jay that another reason I suspect this is happening is him. He encourages my seeking out dominant playmates but then often seems to become jealous or overly controlling once I find someone who catches my interest and we begin to communicate. Two dominant men and one submissive woman does seem like a recipe for strife to me. Is it possible to make it work?

Jay becomes upset when he perceives boundaries being over stepped, especially when he is not kept informed of what is being asked of me by the playmate (literally he desires that either said playmate or myself communicate with him at the exact same time we are communicating with each other keeping him abreast of all that is being required of me) or when permission is not asked for certain tasks… remember this recent post?

I am not suggesting that these are necessarily unreasonable things for him to require as I am his wife and he is allowing another man the privilege of playing with me, but it also does not escape my attention that by his very nature a dominant man is not accustomed to asking for permission for anything form anyone. The dichotomy of two dominants and one submissive is one I am uncertain we can bridge.

Submission is something I crave with a passion. I am 40 years old and realistically only going to be sexually attractive to men other than my husband for another 5 years or so give or take a few years. I had almost no sexual experience before I met Jay. I only began exploring my submissive desires about 5 years ago. They have only grown stronger with time. I fear if we don’t manage to make this work in a way that pleases both of us and meets each of our needs, I will never experience a D/s relationship at the deeper level I desire. Don’t misunderstand me…I am not subtly hinting I want a D/s relationship that does not include my husband. What I want is a more intense D/s relationship, and yes, I do want a playmate.

Jay’s response to all this…

He cannot and will not tolerate my lack of respect. He realized recently the game I have been playing…that I have been performing many things under the guise of it being for him when It was really more in an effort to please Headmaster. This little game shows a lack of respect for him and his role which will not be tolerated. I didn’t bother denying the truth, but did feel some respect growing for him that he was not blind to this.

He went on to say his issue has been with me all along and not the playmates we have found. His jealousy and need to control come in when he feels I am not showing him the proper respect as my primary dominant by keeping him fully informed of my communications and tasks form a secondary dominant and requesting permission to perform these tasks.

He further informed me my respect and desire to please will be with him first; that unless or until I demonstrate this respect we will cease all play with any others. If I wish to demonstrate this respect and enter back into this world I will prostrate myself before him and beg for the privilege.

I must say these words and the power and confidence displayed in them did increase my respect for him.

Can we work through everything to make this work for both of us? I am not certain at the moment. I very much hope so. We did end our conversation exchanging “I love you’s” and “we will work this out.”

I wish we knew other married couples in the lifestyle who could share with us their feelings and how they make it work. I believe if we can get it right our sex life and marriage will be greatly enriched for it, and so does he.

The questions I am left with…how do we proceed from here? Why can’t I give Jay my full respect without which I can never fully submit to him? How does he learn to be more dominant? Is it something one can even learn, or just something one naturally does or does not posses? Can D/s relationships within the context of a marriage work, and if so how? Where does each of us need to bend and grow if we truly desire to make it work? Are we asking too much of each other? Is it best that I simply suppress my submissive desires if I can’t submit to him and return us to a more conventional, vanilla sex life? Am I selfish if the prospect of doing that depresses me?

More Fun With Fetish Parties

2010-09-27T21:28:00.029-04:00

This past Saturday Jay and I had the good fortune to attend another one of Mon Cherie's festish parties like this one we attended last month. We had been looking forward to it for several weeks. I will recount the majority of the evening for you in picture form.

We dropped the kids off with their grandparents and had a glorious 24 hours to ourselves.

The evening saw me starting out with this as my under attire...

Jay was keen to have me show off my nipple piercings, so I was required to wear this outfit to the party to accomplish just that task...

We happened to see hoola hoop girl(she can be seen in the post recounting last month's fetish party) out on the patio where she was watching a little show with other folks, and having some pictures taken. I mentioned to Jay that I wish I could take some photos with her. The next thing I know, he has made the request and she and I are taking some naughty, fun photos together. I have always been ambivalent about whether or not I would enjoy being dominated by a woman. While there was no real domination going on here beyond posing for photos, there was enough for me to get a good idea that I would very much enjoy being dominated by the right type of woman...my dear Gracie comes to mind whom I have had a crush on for a very long time.

Of course there were also shows for tantalizing and teasing other than me getting all giddy taking pictures with Hoola Hoop girl...

There was also plenty of dancing...

I must also sheepishly admit that I got quite a bit more intoxicated on this evening than I normally do. I normally have nothing more than a good buzz going both because these events are so much more fun to experience sober and because I am 40 years old and too damn old to deal with the after effects of too much drinking especially when I have children I have to get up and take care of the next day. I only had 2 drinks at the party, but they were apparently stronger than normal...combine that with the margaritas we had at dinner 3 or 4 hours before, and you have a recipe for me to be sitting on a sofa in the corner of the bar letting Jay take these pictures by the end of the evening...

Very naughty behavior even for this setting! The toy you see in my hand is my latest toy from my friend Shelly that I will be reviewing soon.

We also met some new friends and bought a really divine smelling massage candle.

Overall, it was a great evening. Our next planned outing is a Halloween fetish party the weekend before Halloween. We are looking forward to another great time!

Pierced

2010-09-17T19:03:00.010-04:00

So I made mention in this post a couple of weeks ago that I had completed a milestone task for Daddy and HeadMaster(Headmaster encouraged it, but this task was really done for Daddy), and would no longer be required to write my mantra on my body. However, I never made mention of what that task was.

Well, my dearest reader, two weeks ago Sunday I got my nipples pierced. It is something Jay and I have discussed off and on literally for years. We both stopped just short of getting serious about it due to concerns about how it might affect the sensitivity of my nipples. My nipples are extremely sensitive and provide me a great amount of pleasure. The proper stimulation of them can leave me soaking wet and on the edge of orgasm. Losing that sensitivity would be devasting to us both. After extensive research on the subject, the consensus seems to be that in the majority of cases, done professionally and properly cared for, having one's nipples pierced tends to leave them at least as sensitive as they were pre-piercing and often times more sensitive.

Jay and I had been talking more and more seriously about piercing them over the last few weeks. Two weeks ago we were out shopping for birthday presents for my daughter (give me the "mother of the year award" for surviving a sleep over with 8 little girls last weekend to celebrate her 7th birthday!!) when Jay said to me that we were going to get my nipples pierced while we were out. I figured now was as good a time as any, and perhaps it was best to do it on the spur of the moment and not think about it too much.

After birthday shopping was complete, we headed over to the tattoo/piercing shop where I had my navel pierced some years ago. These folks are highly rated and come with many glowing recommendations so I felt good about having it done there.

I actually had my mantra written on my body under my clothing. I would like to say I was brave enough and Daddy was hard enough on me to have made me have them pierced with the mantra still on my body, but he showed me some mercy and allowed me to scrub it off with some wipes we had in the car before going into the shop.

We go in and speak to the guy at the front about what we want done. We had already called earlier to find out their hours and let them know we would probably be coming over today so he was kind of expecting us. Just my luck, the guy who is going to pierce my nipples is quite attractive. I was feeling self concious and nervous enough, now I not only have to bare my breasts to a good looking stranger, I have to let him touch them in a most intimate way.

He prepares everything and takes us to a back room for this rather private type of procedure. I sit in a chair not unlike a dentist's chair, and try not to watch as he readies his alcohol and needles on his tray while donning a pair of gloves.

I ask if I have to remove my shirt completely or just lift it up...silly question really as I know what the answer is. I take it off and toss it to Jay who is happily readying his cell phone to snap some pictures of this momentous occasion.

My handsome piercer swabs each nipple with alcohol,then sets about marking my nipples with a pen for even piercing while asking me if I am nervous. I am about to let you stick a needle through each of my very sensitive nipples...you tell me if you think I am nervous, Einstein...as Jeff Foxworthy would say, "Here's your sign!"

When the marking is done he takes my left nipple in a tong-like device, places the needle against my nipple and asks if I am ready. I answer that I am while taking a couple of deep breaths. Dearest reader, it HURTS LIKE HELL to have a needle go through your nipple!! I involunatarily spat out "Fuck!" as the needle went through, and then quickly followed it with,"Sorry," as if this handsome, young guy working in a tattoo parlor has never heard such foul language...LOL! He quickly shoved the barbell piercing through the hole he had just made and fastened the little silver ball to the end.

One nipple down, one more to go. I started to wish I was some sort of freak of nature and only had one nipple!! He moved to my right side as I again tried to ignore his preparations to pierce one of my most delicate and prized body parts. A word of caution for those thinking of piercing the nipples, the 2nd one hurts more than the first. Perhaps because your body knows what's coming, or I have also read that the effects of adrenaline and endorphins are often beginning to wear off by the 2nd nipple. No cursing with the 2nd piercing...just deep, guttural groaning.

Just like that...wham bam, thank you ma'am, my nipples were pierced. The first week was rough, I won't lie. I was very sore, and by about Wednesday and Thursday of that week was donwnright crabby due to the constant discomfort.

This week healing seems to be progressing nicely and the discomfort is considerably less, although my right nipple is still much more tender than my left. Jay was actually able to very gently roll my left nipple through his fingers during sex this morning. Yet a little while later when I accidentally scraped something against this same nipple, I nearly jumped through the ceiling with the sharp pain I am told full healing takes 6-8 weeks. I am hoping it comes sooner rather than later!! I look forward to replacing the barbell look with little silver hoops once the healing is complete.

I can't wait for the fun Daddy and I plan to have with this new adornment of my body.

Despite my fuck ups as a proper submissive this week, this is something I can be proud of!

Controlled

2010-09-15T21:53:00.005-04:00

As you may recall, I really screwed up in my role as Daddy's and Headmaster's sub yesterday. You may recall that Headmaster instructed me to write his name on one of my favorite dildo's and carry it with me in my purse. After sneaking off to the restroom to take a few pictures of it nestled between my breasts, the head in my mouth just to prove I had it with me, the following conversation took place:

HM: "Are you back at your desk, cunt?"
Me: "Yes Sir"
HM: "Pull up your dress and sit bare bottomed"
Me: "Yes Sir."
Me: "I have done so, Sir."
HM: "Lay the dildo on your chair and sit so that the head is at your cunt hole and your clit is against the shaft"
Me: (incredulous) "Sir, please people come into my office constantly"
Me: "It would be next to impossible to do this without discovery Sir"
HM: "I am not unreasonable - you may pull your dress back down and then place the dildo as instructed"
HM: "Use the dress to obscure it"
Me: "Sir someone is likely to walk in as I retrieve it from my purse or position it"
Me: (becoming desperate) "the nature of my job is such that people come in and out of my office literally every few minutes."
Me: "Sir, I can expose myself to possible shame and ridicule with total strangers although with great difficulty, but I have to work with these people everyday, Sir"
(you can just hear the high, thin note of panic in my voice, can't you?)
HM: "I have been reasonable, you told me yesterday that you would do anything necessary to restore yourself..."
HM: "yet you argue with the simplest of tasks, even when I have provided you an opportunity to have it go unnoticed"
HM: "a true submissive finds creative ways to follow her orders, no reason why she cannot"
Me: "Sir, I don't know what to say."
Me: "I have had 2 people in my office since my last IM" (feeble last ditch effort to get out of performing this order)
HM: "That is the problem - I am not asking you to "say" anything, I am telling you to "do"
Me: "Give me a moment, Sir"

I began this conversation believing he could not possibly be serious. When I placed the dildo in my purse the night before,I expected to be sent to the restroom at some point during the day to place it inside myself. I never imagined I would be asked to insert it right there at my desk. I began this conversation totally set in my mind that what he asked was impossible for me due to external circumstances. Yet, I watched myself as I opened my desk drawer, took out my purse and placed it on the floor under my desk. I kept a careful watch as I pulled the dildo out of it's protective plastic bag. I looked about several times, making sure no one was approaching my office...thank God my back is to the wall, so I only have one angle of view to worry about...then I swiftly took the dildo from my purse, briefly lifted my dress, nestled the head of the dildo against my cunt hole, and hastily shoved my dress back down.

Me: "It is done, Sir."
Me: "You push me to the point of wanting to cry Sir"
Me: "You did it the other week with the whole clothing thing for Daddy, and you have done it again today Sir"
HM: "If I don't push you to the edge, how do you know where the edge is?"

And so I find myself controlled with nothing but words and the strong desire to please, to be petted, to be cooed over as a "good girl." Of course there is also the desire to avoid punishment requiring "tylenol before and after."

An Ashamed Sub Who Just Can't Seem to Get it Right

2010-09-14T22:34:00.005-04:00

Today I did not perform as the shining example of a perfect sub either for HeadMaster or Daddy. I am disappointed and ashamed of my failure to learn. My bottom aches as a constant reminder of my failure due to Daddy's discipline this evening.

I began the afternoon by speaking with HeadMaster. We had not spoken for a little over a week due to his rigourous travel schedule. Over and over, I forgot to address him as Sir. He had to remind me, he had to prompt me, he had to wait for me to say it...MORE THAN ONCE. What kind of a sub can't even remember to address her dominant as "Sir?" He was sorely disappointed that I could forget such a simple requirement in such a short amount of time.

I was promised strict discipline for this forgetfulness and just general lazy inattention to detail at our next meeting requiring the need for tylenol before and after our session. That scares the shit out of me ladies and gentlemen...I can't stop thinking about it. However, kinky freak that I am, it also makes me wet.

The tasks I have been given to begin to make it up to him by showing my complete obedience are to wear my njoy anal plug to work tomorrow with a dress. I was also directed to pick out a dildo that most reminds me of his cock and write his name on it.."Sir." I am to carry it with me in my purse at all times. Each time I think of his cock I am to think of Sir. I am also to practice deep throating the dildo for at least 5 minutes each day. My goodness but this is such a difficult skill. Is it something you can learn? Are some women just naturally gifted at it? Is there some sort of trick to it? I must do some research on this subject in an endeavour to bring HeadMaster even more pleasure.

This evening when Daddy got home, I told him of my conversation with HeadMaster. He was glad to hear we had had a good session, and that I had been given tasks. However, he was very upset and disappointed that I had neither asked permission to perform these tasks for HeadMaster nor had he had any communication from HeadMaster letting him know the tasks he had given me. Daddy felt it had been made clear between the two of them that he enjoys HeadMaster giving me tasks, but as my ultimate Master must be kept informed of the tasks his sub is being given.

I became angry with Daddy for being so damn "picky," for raining on my parade and making everything so damn difficult. Basically attempting to do what I have come to recognize lately that I do often to him...topping from the bottom.

This time my attempt to top Daddy ended up with him pulling me out of bed where I had gone to stew, placing me on my knees in position 3 in front of a mirror and caning me with the scary big, black PVC cane that we rarely use. Daddy's punishment left me sweating, and crying out with the blinding pain until I realized our son might hear us, and used all my strength to hold in the screams that wanted to escape my lips.

Daddy questioned me as he dealt the blows of the cane.

"What did you do wrong today?"
"I don't know, Daddy" I blubbered through the pain even though I clearly did know.
"What...did...you...do...wrong...today?" Daddy asked again through clenched teeth as the cane met my vulnerable flesh.
"I did not ask you about my tasks Sir," I panted
"Thats right. Now why do you need to ask if you can perform these tasks?"
"Because you are my Daddy," I responded.
"And who is your Master, slut?"
"You are Daddy, you are," I tearfully replied
"Now you will send HeadMaster a message telling him of your transgression today, and explaining that you must have permission and I must be informed of any tasks you are given. You will tell him of the shame of this session."
"Yes Sir," I agreed

He rubbed the cane along the bottom of my foot and I was in terror. I knew I could not take that cane on the bottom of my foot after my experience with HeadMaster and the much smaller cane on my foot a few weeks earlier. I shivered in fear as I watched him in the mirror.

Finally he said, "You may get up and get dressed now. What are you going to do as soon as you get dressed?" he probed.

"Send an email to HeadMaster Daddy," I dutifully replied.

"That's a good girl," he praised.

I did just as I was directed.

Later in the evening Daddy hugged me, and I whispered against the side of his scratchy, manly face, "Thank you for reminding me who I am Daddy."

"You're welcome sweetheart," he responded tenderly as he kissed me.

I don't know but I think my bottom is gonna hurt for quite a few days, what do you think? With the paddle, it leaves bruises, but they dont usually hurt that much as I sit. The welts from the cane are painful and I fear I am going to be reminded of my misdeeds all day long tomorrow....

The next day...

Ah yes, I was right. My ass really smarted the next day. I have seen it as marked if not more so than this, but it has never been quite so tender. When I went for a run this morning, it hurt. When I stood up, it hurt. When I sat down, it hurt. Something about that cane packs a nasty punch unlike any other implement we have used. I don't soon wish to meet it again.

Wet

2010-09-10T18:00:00.001-04:00

Last week I had a conversation with HeadMaster as he awaited his colleagues in a hotel lobby. The conversation led me to greater and greater arousal. My cunt responded with ever increasing wetness. I was directed to lift my skirt such that my ass and pussy were in contact with the seat, then rub my cunt against the seat. My arousal climbed as HeadMaster described the bulge in his suit pants for me, giving me the further imagery of his cock snaking out the bottom of his boxers, beginning to form a wet spot on his pants with a heavy flow of precum. We began to discuss further details that aroused me, and I was directed not to stop rocking my hips and rubbing my cunt against my seat.

HeadMaster indicated that he may have to step in to the men's room to relieve himself. I asked if I might touch my wet, aching cunt. I was told that I could not. I was only allowed to rub against the seat, no touching, no cumming. HeadMaster's colleagues soon arrived and I was left in this state. I couldn't think, I couldn't work, all I could feel was the throbbing in my cunt begging me to touch it. It took me nearly 30 minutes to compose myself, and I was distracted all the rest of the day by my unrealized orgasm.

I snapped a picture of my chair at work after this conversation with HeadMaster:

My Mantra

2010-09-07T16:00:00.000-04:00

I am struggling with my training as a proper submissive already. I test my 2nd Dom at times, but more so I test Daddy. Headmaster makes it very clear to me that any disobedience will be swiftly corrected. I had been directed to wear my Njoy anal plug to work last Monday, and chose not to as I had been made to wear my rosebud all day at work the previous Friday, and simply did not feel like doing it all over again on Monday. I could not lie to Headmaster when he inquired if I had followed directions. As my punishment I wore paperclips tightly affixed to my nipples all day, and was ordered to take a ruler into the restroom and spank each breast 10 times for my transgression. Slut that I am, this made me slippery wet.

I struggle much harder with Daddy which is, of course, why I am in training. I had refused a direction of his early in the week arguing about it's impracticality and trying to bargain with him. It only served to cause tension and frustration between us until I followed the direction the next day. It did turn out to be an impractical sort of order, but the point was I had obeyed.

This very same day, Daddy informed me we would be going out to obtain new nipple clamps for me, and I was to dress only in a sheer piece of lingerie. Again, I argued and refused. I was terrified he would make me go into public in nothing but a sheer nightgown. I couldn't, I WOULDN'T do that. The notion of men looking me up and down and women judging and whispering made my palms sweaty.

At this point Headmaster stepped in. We had a conversation that has been a turning point in my training. He knows who I am, he knows I long to submit no matter what the request. One of the most illuminating portions of the conversation occured when he encouraged me to use the same strength I had drawn on to bear his breast torture and the cane, to fulfill Daddy's request and go out with him in whatever attire he deemed fit. It had not really occured to me that bearing humuliating, psychologically difficult tasks required that I draw from the same place that allowed me to bear physical punishment and pain. Headmaster went on to assure me he would not give up on me as a wonderful sub, and I should not give up on myself. He inquired if I was now ready to submit to Daddy's request. I agreed that I was and mentally began to prepare myself for whatever Daddy required of me.

While still humuliating, Daddy's request was not quite as bad as I had feared. I was directed to wear a sheer black blouse, no bra of course, but thankfully it had pockets on each side which covered most of my breasts, a very short mini skirt which exposed the bottom of my bare ass cheeks when I moved in just the right way, and 3" black patent leather heels.

To reinforce my lesson, I was taken from bed that morning, ordered to kneel in position 3 in front of a mirror, and had the cane painfully applied to my ass as Daddy reminded me this training was for his pleasure. I was asked more than once, "Who is your master, slut?"

"You are, Daddy," I replied each time.

"Are you going to follow Daddy's directions?" he probed

"Yes Sir. Yes, Daddy," I grunted as the cane met the flesh of my naked ass.

Again I was slippery wet after my punishment.

When the evening came, I complied like a perfect slut with no questions or complaints. Daddy took me to one toy shop in search of the clamps he sought. I was relieved that it was a very small shop and no one was there. Sadly, however they did not have the clamps he sought. Daddy did have me bend over and let him swat me with a flogger they had there which I found throughly embarrassing as the clerk there couldn't help but hear it even if he did not see it in the small store.

We also needed to go by the liquor store that evening for my special pineapple flavored drinks we cannot find at the grocery store. It being Saturday and this being the Bible Belt South where alcohol is not sold on Sundays, we had to go that evening if I wanted my drinks. So Daddy took me to the liquor store in my outfit. I was both nervous and aroused to be doing just as Daddy directed me. I kept my eyes down as we were in the store, unable to face any gawking, judgemental or lacivious stares. When we had made our purchase, Daddy took me back to the car, had me unbutton my blouse, lean against the car and sqeezed my breasts for his pleasure.

We then continued on to the second sex toy shop where he hoped to find the nipple clamps he sought. I was much more nervous about this one as it was much bigger and always had a lot of customers. As expected, the store was packed with people. Daddy had directed me not to leave his side, not to fiddle with my skirt attempting to pull it down and not to cross my arms in an attempt to shield my breasts. I did as I was told, feeling both shamed and aroused. Curiosity made me look around a bit more in the store. And sure enough, I did see a woman or two looking me up and down disapprovingly. After that, I kept my eyes down, and stayed on Daddy's heels as directed. This store also did not have the nipple clamps he sought, but he led me around the store a big longer, looking at dirty movies, and other items. When we left Daddy praised me, telling me how well I had done and how proud he and Headmaster were of me.

During my conversation with Headmaster earlier in the week I was given a mantra to write on my body each day and email to him as he felt I needed this daily reinformcement of who I am and what my place is. I am to do this each day until I have completed a milestone sort of task which he and Daddy both have charged me with. So far I have written this message on my body and sent to him for 6 days. However as I write this post, I have completed the task with which I was charged and will no longer be required to write my mantra each day unless Headmaster or Daddy change their minds on me.

In Traning, Conclusion

2010-09-06T13:00:00.002-04:00

I was then directed to come to Headmaster as he sat in his chair, assume position 2 and suck his very hard cock. I did this with joy, trying my best to take his full length down my throat. When I was given permission to use my hands, I twisted up and down as I sucked the head, my glistening cunt spread wide and throbbing.

Headmaster then directed me back to the ottoman, stood over me and twirled the flogger over my body as adrenaline coursed through me in anticipation of one of my favorite toys. I moaned as he struck my breasts, belly and inner thighs with the flogger. I must have made my enjoyment too obvious for he soon placed the handle of the flogger in my mouth commanding me not to drop it and moved on to the dreaded cane.

The cane is a thin stick which looks harmless enough but packs an awful stinging bite. Headmaster applied the cane to my inner thighs as I cried out my pain.
I was told repeatedly to be quiet “it won’t make it an easier,” yet this was the one order I had the most trouble following. When the pain is nearly more than I can bear, I have to release it from my body somehow. That somehow for me is crying out. I think bearing his discipline in silence will be one of my hardest lessons to learn from my Headmaster.

Headmaster lifted my leg, unbuckled and removed one sandaled heel. I thought perhaps he would suck my toes, but I was not at all prepared for his true purpose.

The cane met the bottom of my foot with blinding pain. I cried out and instinctively jerked my foot away from him, my body covered in a sheen of sweat.

He leaned over me and snarled, “Don’t pull away from me. Don’t you EVER pull away from me, do you understand?”

I nodded that I did, and God... help... me... he moved back to my foot. I considered using my safe word at this point. I felt it forming on my lips, hoped that Jay might say it for me, but he watched in silence. I couldn’t bring myself to say it as it seemed somehow a badge of failure to me; and so I endured two more licks on the bottom of the foot by the cane, each time disobeying by crying out loudly and pulling my foot away.

Headmaster then had me stand and directed me to remove my other heel. I unbuckled the shoe and tossed it off my foot. I was immediately grabbed by the hair my head pulled down to his seated level,

“Now did that seem appropriate to just toss your shoe like that? That’s something an obstinate child would do. Are you a child?”

“No Sir. I’m sorry Sir.” I managed.

He then sent me to retrieve a condom from the bag. I brought it to him and began to open the wrapper. Again I had done the wrong thing.

“Did I tell you to open it?”

“No Sir,” came my humble reply.

In time he told me to open it, and then place it on him.

I was directed to turn around and sit on his cock. I instinctively began to rock back and forth and was ordered to be still and just sit on his cock. When I complied, I was told I could rock slowly back and forth. I began to move slowly on his cock enjoying the sensations inside my cunt as Daddy approached me and placed his cock in my mouth. I sucked Daddy’s hardness while I bounced on Headmaster’s cock. What a lucky girl I was.

When Daddy was satisfied, he sat back to watch me bouncing harder and harder on Headmaster’s cock. When I was close again Headmaster pulled me backwards by my leash, my collar choking me as I leaned back against him. Thankfully I was given permission to cum because I could no longer control my arousal and was flying towards an unstoppable orgasm.

My strangled gasps filled the air of the hotel room as I came. When it was finished, I leaned forward onto the ottoman, panting and sweating, his cock still inside me as I tried to regain my senses.

He struck me along the back and ass with the cane, this time eliciting deliciously pleasurable sensations.

I began to bounce up and down on his cock harder and harder until my nipples were in agony. My bouncing came to a stop only to have him thrust hard from underneath me as I cried out, “my tits, Oh God my tits”; again an instance where my safe word was needed yet I did not want to fail in using it.

I was able to push past the pain and began to thrust violently on his cock again until my thighs were burning and I was gasping for air as hard as I do after a 4 or 5mile run.

I eventually dismounted his cock and stood only to be pulled down to his level by my hair.

“We have learned some lessons today, haven’t we?” he questioned.

“You were brought here to learn your place and learn to be more obedient to Daddy."

"We all know that you like to test limits. The lessons learned here are to be carried beyond this room otherwise I am wasting my time. Do you want me to waste my time?”

“No Sir,” I replied.

“Good girl. Now repeat to me what I have said and what you have learned here today.”

“That I am to take the lessons here and apply them in the world outside this room. That I am to learn to be more obedient to Daddy.”

“Good girl,” he crooned.

I was then sent on my hands and knees to retrieve a warm wash cloth and carry it back in my mouth. I was then directed to remove his condom full of his seed and clean his cock and balls with the cloth. I was made to repeat the whole process for Daddy minus the removal of a condom.

I was then sent to retrieve the dildo still stuck on the mirror. I couldn’t bring myself to put it in my mouth and attempted to crawl with it in my hand.

“Is that how you are to bring things to me?” he asked.

“No Sir,” I responded as I gripped it in my mouth.

When I returned to kneel before him my bottom was caned as he chided, “I gave you two examples of how you are to bring things to me and you made a conscious choice not to do it, didn’t you?”

“Yes Sir. I’m sorry Sir. I’ll do better Sir,” I responded as the cane dealt its discipline.

I was then sent to fetch various other things with my mouth and generally tidy up the room.

I then dressed him as I knelt before him... I placed his underwear on him which I had retrived with my mouth, his shorts, and his belt.

By far the worst thing I was made to retrieve with my mouth were his shoes and socks. I hesitated over them, horrified at the notion of putting them in my mouth, but too spent to endure much more punishment so I complied and carried each sock and each shoe to him in my mouth. When I had fully dressed him, I placed each sock and shoe on his foot and tied them.

He then sent me to retrieve my dress at which Jay stopped him saying he was not done with me and wanted me naked.

Headmaster again sternly reminded me this was just the first of our lessons. I was to take what I learned beyond just today’s session. Future sessions would increase in intensity, most especially in the discipline dealt for disobedience.

"Yes Sir,” I replied humbly.

After he and Jay shook hands, he left and Jay and I were alone in the room. My dearest Jay laid me back on the bed and sunk his hard cock into me. We fucked with our own particular rhythm, his cock rubbing just the right places inside me until he came with a moan, warm, wet and familiar inside me.

Jay and I have embarked on a new world of sex and discipline which is exciting to each of us. Much has happened in the week since this particular session which I am eager to share with you in upcoming posts.

In Training, Pt. 1

2010-09-05T18:13:00.016-04:00

Jay and I had a most illuminating and erotic experience last Sunday. I have been conversing with a new friend for about a month now. We have been getting to know each other in general, and most specifically discussing my desire for a 2nd dominant.

Last Sunday Jay and I made the decision to meet with him. The parameters were set that if there seemed to be some sort of chemistry, he would dispense with the small talk and move forward quickly with what we all desired. We were to meet at a local hotel which also housed a lounge where we might have drinks and chat.

Unfortunately, the lounge was not available on a Sunday afternoon so it was agreed we would simply meet at the hotel and find a quiet place to chat.

Jay informed me that we had to make a little side stop on the way over to our meeting which turned out to be a trip to the mall where I was to pick out a pair of panties to wear to our meeting.

When we arrived at the hotel I was nervous as a cat. We walked in and glanced around the lobby to see our guest had not yet arrived, so we sat down to wait which made it even worse. He arrived not five minutes later and my heart began to pound.

We exchanged pleasantries and sought out a quiet place on the other side of the hotel to chat. We sat with Jay to my right and our new friend directly across from me.

“I understand you made a stop on your way here today,” he began.

I nodded my head in assent.

“And what did you make the stop for?” he prodded.

“A pair of panties,” I answer shyly.

“Why don’t you show me,” he replied.

I lifted my dress enough to flash him the panties.

“Go ahead and stand up and take them off and place them on the table here,” he directed.

I hesitated for a moment, glanced around to see the area was deserted, stood up, removed the panties and tossed them on the table.

“Fold them up neatly and place them on the table,” he directed in a measured tone.

I retrieved the panties from the table, folded them awkwardly, feeling silly and embarrassed and placed them back on the table.

“Do you have your rosebud in?” he queried.

I nodded that I did.

“Stand up, bend over the chair, and show me,” he replied.

I did exactly as I was told, lifting my dress to show him my pink rosebud glimmering from my asshole.

I sat back down, twirling my sunglasses nervously in one hand until I caught him staring from me to the twirling hand. I immediately stilled my hand with nothing but a look.

We began to discuss our mutual desire to check in and adjourn to a room.

“Do you understand why you have been brought here today” he asked.

“Yes Sir,” I replied.

“And why is that?” he countered.

“For training, Sir,” I responded.

“That’s right. And do you understand that you will be pushed and limits will be tested?”

“Yes Sir”

“Are you ready for that?”

“Yes Sir,” I responded as my pussy moistened and a tingle of fear began to run through me.

As we reached the hall on which our room was located, our new friend which I shall refer to as Sir Headmaster going forward, turned to me and said, “You will remove your dress here in the hall.”

The hall was deserted but I could hear people moving about somewhere nearby. I looked at him nervously, unsure what to do.

“I can hear people around the corner,” I protested weakly.

“Then we’d better move quickly, hadn’t we?” Headmaster replied in an even tone.

“Yes Sir,” I responded as I quickly pulled my dress over my head leaving me entirely naked save for my heels.

I scurried behind him desperate for the privacy of the closed hotel room door.

When we entered the room, Daddy ordered me to my knees and affixed my collar around my neck.

Headmaster approached me and informed me he would be teaching me my basic positions which I would be expected to memorize and move into quickly with only the utterance of the number by him. He further clarified I was to use the standard safe words of “yellow” and “red” with which he understood I was familiar. He suggested I let Daddy call my safe words for me, but would allow me to use them as well during this first session.

Position one required me to stand, hands behind my head, chest out, legs spread. He circled me as I stood in this position explaining that this position allowed him to view and inspect nearly all of my body. My pussy grew even wetter as he looked me over as if I was a piece of livestock of which he was considering purchase.

Position two required me to keep my legs straight and lean forward at a 90 degree angle, legs still spread, hands on the back of my head. From this position I was told he could inspect areas he could not see in position one such as my pussy and ass. He could make sure I was clean and properly shaven he told me as he spread my ass cheeks and ran his finger over my dripping cunt. He returned me to position one and slowly inserted his fingers in my mouth as I sucked my own wetness from them.

Position three required me to kneel on the ground hands behind my head, chest pushed out, while position four was a position of worship which placed my face on the floor arms outstretched in front of my body.

From here on out he would call out numbers and I would comply with the position. A time or two I stumbled on what to do with my hands in position one until my head was jerked down by the hair to his seated position and he quietly said to me in his measured tone, “The hands go in the same place in each position. Why is this so hard for you? It’s not that difficult, is it?”

“No Sir,” I replied.

My leash was attached to my collar, I was ordered on all fours and made to crawl along the floor as he led me about the room, the leash taut enough to cause the collar to choke me.

When this task was completed I was directed to remove his shoes and socks. I have a thing about feet. I am not fond of touching them with the exception of my own and my daughter’s cute little feet, so I had a little trouble with the notion of removing his socks. I did remove them and immediately tossed them inside out onto his shoes. It was an act of laziness I was not going to get away with. I was immediately reprimanded and told to fold the socks neatly over his shoes right side out. I squeamishly turned them right side out and laid them neatly over the shoes as directed, my need to please outweighing my aversion to touching his socks.

He then removed his belt and I watched nervously knowing what was coming next. I was led to the bed and made to bend over it, ass exposed. I was relieved to find the strokes of the belt were rather mild and easily bearable.

I was then ordered back down on my knees and made to remove his shorts. I noted the bulge of his cock in his underwear and wondered when I would have the pleasure of seeing it. I was led about the room on all fours a few more times before being told to remove his underwear.

His cock sprang forth, large, hard and oozing with precum. He brought it to my face and I reached out to take it in my mouth only to be slapped in the face and reminded I had not been given permission to take him in my mouth. He slapped his cock in my face quite hard a few times before allowing me to take him in my mouth. I sucked and tasted as my head moved up and down.

When he pulled out of my mouth to slap me a bit more, I took my hands off my head to move the hair out of my face that had fallen down and was irritating me. He immediately pulled me up by the hair, bent over to look me in the eye and said in that measured tone of his as if speaking to a child,

“You don’t move your hands. If you need to move your hands, I will tell you, understand?”

I nodded my head that I did.

Headmaster began to rummage through the gear bag that Daddy had brought, surveying what he had to work with. He found the bag of clothes pins and began to methodically attach them to my breasts.

He then found one of several dildos in the bag. I was mortified by the one he pulled out. It had not been used in some time and was covered in dog hair from its last visit to our bed. I always thoroughly clean our toys after use. I have no idea why this one was in the condition that it was. Nevertheless I was embarrassed by my unkempt dildo.

He led me to the mirror mounted on the wall and attached the suction cup dildo to it. I was then directed into position #2, ordered to push back into the dildo and began to fuck it. As I did this, Headmaster came around in front of me and inserted his cock into my mouth. I was to fuck the dildo mounted on the mirror while sucking Headmaster. I felt a bit embarrassed by the noise of the mirror banging against the wall as I moved. We were near the door to the hotel room and I did not want to make too much noise. Headmaster began to move me back and forth on the dildo at the pace he was seeking. The mirror squeaked and banged against the wall in a most mortifying fashion.

When Headmaster had had enough I was led back to the center of the room into position one. I stood with my hands behind my head, chest pushed out as he took the end of my leash and began to lash at my breasts methodically dislodging the clothes pins with his blows. I cried out a few times with the pain.

When he had succeeded in removing all the clothes pins, he took each breast in his hands and squeezed forcefully.

“It’s not putting the clothes pins on that is painful; it’s when you remove them and the blood begins to flow back in,” he told me as I panted and groaned in agony.

When my breast torture was complete for the moment, I was laid back on the bed, legs bent and spread. Clothespins were attached to my pussy lips. Again this was entirely bearable and arousing for me, until he retrieved a roll of electrical tape from Jay. He wrapped this around each thigh and attached it to the clothes pins, pulling my pussy lips in a most wonderfully excruciating manner.

He also attempted to attach a clothes pin to my clit at which I cried out, “What the fuck?!”, and jumped unable to tolerate the pain level. I should have used my safe word at this point. I am surprised I was not reprimanded for not doing so.
Headmaster noted that I was very wet…so wet that he had trouble affixing the clothes pins to my pussy lips.

“When did you first become wet?” he probed.

Again I was shamed. . Shamed that I was so extremely wet, shamed that I was spread out there on the bed for he and Daddy to stare at just how wet I was, shamed to tell him I had first began to grow wet during our conversation in the lobby. After a little writhing around and stalling, I finally admitted to him when I began to grow wet.

He came to the side of the bed, my leash raised in his hand preparing to strike my inner thighs and/or pussy. I flinched, cried out and tensed.

He leaned down and said in a measured tone of voice again as if speaking to a child, “I haven’t even done anything yet. Quit anticipating it.”

I couldn’t help myself. I continued to writhe and whimper as he raised the leash again. He finally took pity on me and covered my eyes with his hands as he struck my inner thighs and pussy with the end of the leather leash.

I was rewarded with his cock in my mouth and his fingers moving on my clit. I sucked his cock to the best of my ability with my head in an awkward position, licking up and down the shaft until I reached his balls. Licking and sucking his balls until I was rewarded with “That’s a good girl.” My clit became more and more stimulated as his fingers worked it.

“Are you close to cumming?” he asked.

“Yes Sir,” I breathed.

“Don’t you do it. Don’t you cum without permission.”

I was pulled back up off the bed into position one as nipple clamps were retrieve from the bag and attached to my nipples with the chain connecting them threaded through the O ring in my collar, causing the clamps to bite into my nipples at first in a very arousing manner which would quickly become increasingly painful.

After a few moments I was directed to sit on the ottoman facing the chair and masturbate for him. I did this with abandon as my pussy was so wet and so very swollen. I took a furtive glance at Headmaster every now and then as he focused his attention on my hand and cunt which only served to increase my arousal.

When I was clearly close, again came the order, “Don’t you cum.”

I whimpered a bit and slowed my hand trying to stem the rising tide of pleasure threatening to wash over me.

“Don’t slow down either. Don’t you cum, but don’t slow down,” Headmaster ordered.

I took a couple of breaths which always helps me hold off cumming and did my best to comply.

The Week of Music: I Could Not Ask for More

2010-09-04T15:00:00.001-04:00

The final entry for the week of music is Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask for More." This is the song Jay and I danced to as our first dance at our wedding reception. As I said at the beginning of the week I agree with him now that INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart" probably would have been a better choice. Be that as it may, this song expressed everything I felt about my Jay at the time. It reminded me everytime I heard it how blessed I was to have finally found my soul mate.

This song still expresses eloquently how I feel about my Jay.

I hope you have found a little something of interest in this week of music, dear reader. We will resume your reguarly scheduled diet of my dirty thoughts and deeds in the near future. There has been quite a development to report over the last week...

The Week of Music: Everybody Hurts

2010-09-03T19:00:00.002-04:00

Toay's music offering is REM's "Everybody Hurts." This song brings to mind love #1 from the high school and college days. Specifically it brings to mind the evening he finally told me he was gay and how difficult and painful it was for both of us.

It further brings to mind how he struggled with his identity and to accept who he was. It was a painful time for both of us that eventually drove us apart for a time, and when we did come back into contact with each other it was only sporadic and never the same as it once was.

He is doing very well these days personally and professionally, and I am thrilled for him. He is secure and content with who he is. Time and maturity have allowed me to see that he did indeed love me very much (his words and actions demonstrated this to me). He just couldn't offer it to me in the form I wanted. The form really no longer matters to me. He loved me, and I loved him and the memories of him are something I cherish.

The Week of Music:Somebody

2010-09-01T20:28:00.000-04:00

Today's music offering is Depeche Mode's "Somebody." This song describes the marriage Jay and I aspire to, and I think we succeeed 99% of the time. We disagree, we even fight from time to time, but neither one of us is going anywhere. My love and support for him are unshakable, and God knows it has been tested. This is my love song to my Jay.

Incidentally, he passed through as I was working on this post, heard the song playing, and remarked, " I love that song. You know that's how I feel about you, don't you?"

The Week of Music: What I'd Give

2010-08-31T21:05:00.000-04:00

Today's entry is Sugarland's "What I'd Give." This song brings to mind love #2.

Circumstances made "finding out how you like your eggs," and "waking up to your face above me" out of our reach. Oh but what I'd give to have been able to make them a reality. The memory of him still sometimes hits me right in the gut, and a little south of the gut too!!

The Week Of Music: Quiche Lorraine

2010-08-30T19:59:00.000-04:00

Our second music entry for this week's week of music is the B-52's Quiche Lorraine. This song takes me back to my college days having attended the University of Georgia in Athens from which the quirky B-52's hail.

In particular, this song reminds me of my first love. We met in the first year of high school, and continued our friendship through most of college. At the time, I was not wise enough to the ways of love and sex to understand the red flags that should have been raised by a male friend with whom I was nearly inseparable, yet not at all sexual. I fell deeply in love with him over the 7 years we spent together. In time, he finally revealed to me that he was gay. It tore us apart for a long while. I couldn't accept it, nor could I accept that I would never be the one for him.

This song reminds me of our happier party days together in college and always makes me smile.

The Week of Music: Right Here

2010-08-29T20:20:00.008-04:00

Today's song by Staind "Right Here " calls to mind love #2. Ours was a very much on again off again relationship...more than it's fair share of turmoil, yet we never could seem to walk away for good...something always kept drawing us back to each other.

The Week of Music: Never Tear Us Apart

2010-08-29T17:58:00.003-04:00

I had a nifty idea last week, and I am going to try it out on you, dear reader. I am going to make a post each day this week, featuring a song that has some sort of intimate meaning to me. I may tell you to whom it refers , I may not, that remains to be seen. You can be assured that since each song has an intimate meaning to me it likely refers to one of the three loves I referred to in this earlier post. As with any new idea, you may enjoy it or you may count the days until the week is over. If the latter is the case, I apoligize in advance.

My first song of the week is INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart." My Jay wanted to have this as our first dance song at our wedding. At the time, I overruled with another song, that in hindsight was much less suitable than this one. This song always brings tender thoughts of my Jay whenever I hear it. It is a bit bittersweet now that Michael Hutchence has been gone so long, but still a beautiful love song.

Lust

2010-08-26T16:36:00.003-04:00

She knelt between his legs, the carpeting rough on her knees, her dress tossed to the floor beside her where he had carelessly tossed it shortly after they entered the hotel room. His lips had hungrily sought hers as he took her breasts in each hand, drawing a small moan from her. She had greedily pulled his shirt over his head, desperate for the sensation of his skin against hers.

Theirs had been such a long, uncertain wait culminating in this angry, animal desire to devour each other. Now she knelt in front of him, feeling the taut muscles of his thighs under her hands as she gazed up at him. She kissed the bare skin of his belly, tracing circles around his navel with her tongue until he placed his hand on the top of her head and shoved her down, knocking her off balance, her head grazing the wall as she fell.

He advanced towards her as she righted herself against the wall, his green eyes shining with lust and unfulfilled desire. He slapped her in the face with his cock…once…twice…three times before he guided it into her waiting mouth.

She took him balls deep as he groaned his pleasure into the silence of the room. Her warm, tight mouth sucked up and down the length of his shaft, pausing at the head to swirl her tongue around the salty precum gathering there.

Her own sex pulsed and gushed between her legs as she pleasured him. Her need to have him inside her was strong, however her desire to please him was overwhelmingly stronger.

She cupped his tight balls as she stroked his wet rigid cock. He pumped his hips at her, tossing her back against the wall, her head bouncing off the hard surface with each thrust as she gagged on his swollen cock. She gripped his ass feeling the muscles there tighten as his hot, delicious cum began to flow into her mouth. She swallowed eagerly, loving the taste of him as he released into her mouth. When he was still, she gently cleaned him with her tongue, wanting to lap up every precious drop of fluid. She looked up at him as she did this their eyes locked with a mixture of desire and need.

He gripped her under the arms and lifted her to his waiting mouth, tongues swirling together as he led her to the empty bed. The weight of his body on hers increased her arousal to a nearly unbearable level. She wanted this so badly. She had been such a good, patient girl, and here was her just reward.

She could no longer control her own body, could no longer stem the rising tide of desire. She came almost as soon as he entered her, her cunt clamping down on him with such force it took her breath away. She writhed and cried out underneath him as her orgasm ripped through her. When it was over, she clung to him, her legs wrapped tightly around his hips, trembling as her whole body tingled and throbbed with their deed.

When she finally stilled, he rolled off of her, planted a kiss on her cheek, and chuckled, “Let’s do that all over again in about 20 minutes!”

My Dearest Katy

2010-08-22T15:34:00.004-04:00

One night last week my son was showing his Dad a video on the laptop in the kitchen as they were cleaning up after dinner as he does from time to time. Usually it is something completely juvenile, and uninteresting, but this time it turned out to be my Katy's latest video.

I tried to act nonchalant as I glanced over their shoulders, secretly filled with lust.

Later, I looked the video up for myself, and have watched it several times since.

My Katy is a smokin' hot goddess!

Freaks of Atlanta Rejoice!!

2010-08-15T17:38:00.028-04:00

If you are a reader here in the Atlanta area and you have been involved in the BDSM scene on some level or another be that mild interest or full on D/s relationship for 10 years or longer you probably remember a wonderful little place that used to be on Cheshire Bridge Road called The Chamber.

Whenever Jay and I had the opportunity to go out for an evening of fun, that was always our destination of choice. Sadly, Mon Cherie, who founded the debaucherous place, fell out of the scene after having a child, and the Chamber was no more. My best recollection is that this was about 8 or 9 years ago. Since then Jay and I have struggled to find any club that possessed the same atmosphere of kink, industrial dance beats, BDSM themed performances, and an atmosphere of welcome to any and all sexual orientations.

What to my wondering eyes did appear in my FetLife message box last week but an invite from Mon Cherie herself to the 2nd Annual Club Fetish Reunion!! I nearly squealed with delight when I read it. Jay and I were giddy as school children this week leading up to the event.

It was held at The Heretic also on Cheshire Bridge Road. Those of you from Atlanta may be scratching your heads saying WTF?! The Heretic is a long standing gay bar known for not being at all welcoming to those of the female gender. My first reaction when I learned the venue was NO WAY!! But the more Jay and I read about the event, we knew it was exactly what we had been waiting for.

Here's the best part boys and girls...Jay and I ran into Ms. Mon Cherie at the event early in the evening and she explained to us that she is looking to bring The Chamber back...oh happy day for all the freaks and kinksters in the ATL! Her hope is to do an event one Saturday a month at the Heretic and hopefully see it grow from there.

It was a great night full of erotic, deviant shows, pounding industrial dance beats to which Jay and I danced the night away, and beautiful subbie and dominant eye candy for all to enjoy. It was a wonderful mixture of all sexual orientations...hetero, gay, lesbian, and everything in between. I have to say that a point of great amusement to me was how the bartenders were Johnny-on-the-Spot to light Jay's cigarette (it's a gay bar remember?) while barely noticing my existance...LOL. And no, we are not smokers...ex smokers who indulge in a pack when we go out and then either chuck it at the end of the night or save it for the next time we have the opportunity to go out.

And now for the best part, the night in pictures for you...

Jay and I had the pleasure of dancing near to this hottie's little stage for much of the evening. I so wanted to reach out and slap her firm little ass.

This beautiful lady was quite skilled with her glow in the dark hoolahoop

This was a naughty little ballerine princess in need of a love gift of slut shoes...

These two hotties left me hot and bothered, and wanting more after their performance. I managed to kneel on one of the dance stages in order to get an unobstructed view of the naughty little subbie taking her punishment. Can you see how big her breats are...holy shit, Batman! I had thought my interest in women had kind of cooled over the last several years, but this beauty had me aching to bury my face between those beautiful pair of breats

And finally, unbeknownst to me, Jay was apparently snapping pictures up my dress as I kneeled on the dance stange transfixed my the scenes depicted above

If there are those who are interested, I will keep you up to date on future events.

Is It Wrong To Have Dirty Thoughts About Your Child's Teacher?

2010-08-12T16:00:00.003-04:00

Both of my children went back to school this week. My son began 11th grade and my little one went into 1st Grade. I took my daughter to meet her teacher last Thursday before school began, and was speechless at what I saw. My daughter's teacher is HOT!!

I tried not to stare at her long tan legs leading down to pretty polished toes inside sparkly sandals. I pretended I didn't notice the shape of her body underneath her purple dress which clung to her perfectly. I was practically drooling by the time I left her classroom.

Jay and I both accompanied our daughter to school on the first day. He too was in the same state of drooling shock when we left the classroom. I fear the little 1st grade boys in her class will learn next to nothing this year...LOL.

I can't wait for our first parent/teacher conference!

The Importance of "Forward" vs"Reply" When Emailing

2010-08-09T19:25:00.005-04:00

Or perhaps a more appropriate title would be..."how confusing the two created one of the most embarrasing moments in my life."

Our kitchen faucet has a leak. Jay spent the better part of Saturday trying in vain to fix it until he finally had to admit defeat. Thus this afternoon found me sending out an email at my small company of about 40 employees asking if anyone knew of a good handyman they could recommend.

I received numerous responses which I dutifully forwarded to Jay so that he could sift through them and contact someone for us. One of these emails came from the co-worker you may recall referenced here in the very first paragraph of this post.

The email said something along the lines of, "How much does it pay?" in a joking manner and went on to tell me of a former employee that apparently knows something about plumbing.

Jay and I being us, he is fully aware that I find this particular co-worker incredibly hot, and we joke about it from time to time. So I forwarded the hot co-worker's email to Jay stating, "Here's another one. I won't tell you what I WANTED to type in response to this email...LOL." I of course had visions of said co-woker shirtless and sweaty underneath my kitchen sink, and repaying him with certain "special" favors.

I think you can see where this is going, can't you? Two seconds after I hit send, I realized I had hit the fucking REPLY button and not the FORWARD button. I sent this reply back TO the hot co-worker and not my husband.

Sure enough, about a minute later I get a response from him along the lines of, "Huh, did you send this to the wrong person? LOL"

What is a girl to do in this situation? I had to send a reply. I couldn't just leave it at that, could I? By this time I wanted to crawl under my desk and dig a hole to China!

I finally just came clean and replied, "Yes, I did let's just leave it at that, shall we? How are you feeling this week?"

He has been quite ill for the past couple of weeks so I deftly shifted the subject. See how clever and non-obvious I am after I have made a complete ass of myself?

He replied back in short order," LOL, ok we'll leave it at that." Then goes on to tell me he is starting to feel better, etc, etc.

My face was burning all afternoon. The hot co-worker is in sales and mercifully was not in the office this afternoon so I did not actually have to face him. However, I have no doubt I will see him tomorrow. He stops by my office nearly every morning to say hello, discuss our mutual interest in jogging, etc.

Argh, I think I may be sick tomorrow....."grin"

Keep You

2010-08-03T16:05:00.001-04:00

I have recently discovered the wonders of Facebook, and gotten back in touch with some old friends some of whom date as far back as my childhood. So my mind has been in the past just a bit lately, such that when this song came up on my CD player on the way home from work one day recently, it struck a deep chord as I was flooded with memories of endings. I have been in love exactly 3 times in my 40 years of life, and 2 of the 3 times have ended with loss.

That got me pondering two things that seem to go hand in hand…love and loss. How many times have you, dear reader, genuinely been in love? Is 3 a lot, about average, a little? I wonder what the average is for most people across a lifetime? At 40 and happily married, I hazard to guess 3 will be my final number.

What is it that determines who we fall in love with? Why do we fall in love with this person we come in contact with, but not that person who is equally suitable? Is it proximity, chemistry, common interests, pheromones, fate, or something else? I don’t have the answers to these questions. I’m just wondering. I know that the one that stuck for me is the one that incorporated ALL the things I just mentioned.

Then there is the phenomenon of loss. I think everyone reading this post can identify with the feelings portrayed in the Sugarland song, “Keep You.” Don’t we all know what it feels like to be so stuck in grief the whole world is grey? Can’t we all remember a time when the loss of someone important to us was so profound that we could feel almost nothing at all, could neither laugh nor cry? In the end, in my 2 out of 3 love losses, there was absolutely nothing I could do to “keep you from doing this to me.”

The amazing thing is that we all seem to have this built in mechanism to recover. We survive what seems unsurvivable and unbearable at the time… the loss of a beloved relationship, divorce, children growing up, moving out and building their own lives, the death of parents. Some of us take longer to do it than others, but ultimately we get on with life. I tend to be one of those who takes her time getting over loss, milking every ounce of misery from it, until I finally decide I have had enough of pain and decide to let go.

I think the answer to why we all have the ability to do this is simple…survival. The alternative is to allow the wound to eventually rob us of the very will to live. We have to allow ourselves to heal and get on with life if we want to continue living at all. I saw my grandfather lose his will to live, and pass away just 6 short weeks after the death of my grandmother. I think at some point in our later years, we just don’t have the strength to recover any longer, the pay off is no longer worth the tremendous effort required.

I have found however, that even though my wound is well healed with a tough layer of scar tissue protecting it, there is still a hole left in my heart by the space that person used to fill. This is true of romantic relationships as well as dear friends that have wandered out of my life for one reason or another. Some leave a bigger hole than others, but all it takes is a small reminder of them, and I am caught up in that old familiar longing and fingering the hole in my chest. Although the pain mercifully fades with time, the love from which it sprang never does.

These are the thoughts rolling around in my head, and my heart today.

A Romantic/Naughty Anniversary Celebration

2010-08-01T15:56:00.007-04:00

Jay and I went out last night to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We exchanged gifts before going out to dinner. Since the theme of the evening was reliving our first date, I had procured for Jay a newspaper of the very same date of our first date in 1998. I received something much more spectacular than that from him. I received beautiful emerald earrings which are my favorite stone in addition to a pair of sexy, sassy panties from Victoria’s Secret as well as roses delivered to work last week on our actual anniversary. Jay felt the 10th was sort of a milestone, and wanted to make it special.

We started out our evening at the same restaurant where we had our very first date. Actually, the very same location had closed so we had to go to another location, not quite exactly the same, but close enough. After we made a pact to stop discussing our frustrations with our son (he is 16 years old and has problems with being responsible, and seemingly can retain none of the instructions he is given past a 5 minute window of time…ah the mysterious workings of the male teenage brain…ha, ha!), we had a very nice romantic meal.

Jay managed to snap this picture underneath the dinner table of my new panties...

And another as we were getting into the car...

From there we headed to the very same bookstore to which Jay took me after our first meal together. I knew I was in love when he took me to the bookstore on our first date…to find someone who enjoyed books and reading as much as I did was incredibly romantic to me. Not only did he enjoy books, he enjoyed many of the same books I did….most notably the Anne Rice vampire series. Our first date involved Jay standing behind me as I perused the bookshelves, kissing the back of my neck, and running his hand under my dress while I tried to pretend it wasn’t turning me on and making me incredibly wet.

The re-enactment date went a bit further than that. I was feeling especially adventurous last night. Jay checked the men’s room and signaled me when the coast was clear. I scurried inside and locked us into the largest stall. From there I proceeded to squat down, unzip Jay and take his cock in my mouth. Before long I had my dress and bra off leaving me in only my new white panties while sucking Jay’s cock. He forced me to my knees on the dirty bathroom floor and snapped this photo of me facing the filthy toilet...

I then continued to lick and suck his cock while still on my knees on the filthy bathroom floor, reveling in being Daddy's whore...

We were interrupted several times by restroom patrons at which time I froze, trying to hide the evidence of my obviously female feet behind a small portion of the stall. At one point, there was a man in the stall right next to us, and Jay had me stand up and bend over so he could finger me while this guy went about his business right next to us.

Eventually after 20 minutes or so of fun, we decided we should probably get out of there. Jay walked out of the stall first, while I remained locked in, and of course two men walked in at about the same damn time!! Jay took his time washing and drying his hands, but eventually had to leave the restroom. I was trapped there alone in the restroom while these two men went about their business. I have to admit there was something perversely exciting about being in the men’s room covertly listening to them take a pee while they were completely unaware. There was even a set of feet in the stall next to me that were large, clad in flip flops that I imagined might belong to someone tall and attractive. The two men did eventually leave as I peeped out through a crack in the stall door, waiting for Jay to signal me. When he did I scurried out as fast as possible, but not fast enough to prevent me exiting the men’s room at the same time a woman was exiting the ladies room! I was mortified, but at that point, really what the hell can you do? I glanced at her, smiled just slightly, and hurried away.

And that, dear reader, was how Jay and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to Us

2010-07-29T18:14:00.005-04:00

Jay and I celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary today!

10 years of wedded bliss. Yeah, ain't that a load of crap!! Nobody tells you how hard marriage will be before you get married, do they? They don't tell you how your husband will ramble on with long, pointless stories, or that he'll be annoyingly obessed with cars,or that he will snore, or that he'll hate your dogs. They don't tell you that money doesn't grow on trees, and having children is the hardest thing you will ever do together.

They also don't tell you that if you make it to 10 years you will love him even more than the day you got married because of all you have been through together. That he'll be the one cleaning up your puke when you are sick and can't make it to the toilet, that he will hold you when you cry, that he will be a great cook, that he will let all your stupid dogs stay because he loves you, that he will be the first one to lay eyes on your newborn daughter.

My Jay is my best friend, my lover, my partner in life, my soul mate. We may have done a lot of things wrong together, but we have also done a lot of things right. I love him more than I can say.

Oh yeah, and the sex has been really hot lately for 6 days in a row. Lighter on the BDSM and heavier on the intimacy and kissing. Guess who's gonna get some more tonight?!

Garage Dungeon in Pictures

2010-07-25T11:36:00.009-04:00

Garage Dungeon, Conclusion

2010-07-23T19:22:00.003-04:00

My mind raced…what if the clothes pins became unbearable, what if I somehow fell off the bench, how long would I be left here like this? To calm myself, I raised my head up to watch the porn still playing on the TV. My mind was soon engaged in the images on the screen…a hot female servicing two men, one in her mouth and the other in her pussy as they reminded her what a slut she was. My own cunt began to react as it grew wetter and wetter. I tried to focus on the pulse growing between my legs, and not the pressure on my pussy lip as I ground my hips against the bench, letting the growing pain of the clothes pin attached there slip away.

Daddy eventually returned after 15 or 20 minutes at which time I began to beg him to remove the clothes pin on my pussy lip. He did so as I sighed with relief only to tell me,

“Now its time for the other side,” as he placed the clothes pin on my other pussy lip.

I nearly broke into tears with frustration, but found a way to submit and drift away from the discomfort.

Daddy placed what I soon figured out were two small tea candles on my ass and lit them. I was terrified they would fall off my bottom and catch the garage on fire.
When I tried to express my fears I was told to shut up and let Daddy work.

His fingers slid between my wet cunt lips and began to massage my clit. My hips undulated with his movements which of course caused the gathering candle wax to spill over onto my ass which was exactly what Daddy was going for. He chuckled as I flinched and cried out with the first dripping of wax onto my ass. He ordered me to wiggle my hips as more wax dripped onto my ass which I did although I was still very frightened the candles would tip off of their precarious perch and set the entire garage on fire.

When Daddy had had his fun with the candles, he blew them out and brought out the flogger. I felt such joy at this as the flogger is one of my favorite toys. He began by gently caressing my back and buttocks with the soft leather of the blades. His strokes started out slow and soft on my upper back, slowly building in momentum until each stroke was thudding loudly within the confines of the garage as it met the flesh of my back and ass.

When my moans became pleas of “Yes Daddy, don’t stop. Mmmm, Daddy that feels so good,” he did stop, and brought out the dreaded heart shaped paddle.

I began to whine and wiggle about on the bench at the sight of it.

“No Daddy. God, no not the paddle, please,” I begged.

My pleas fell on deaf ears as he whacked my bottom with that wicked thing.

I bit down on the bench,concerned neighbors might hear through the thin aluminum garage doors, trying not to cry out as the paddle found its mark . It was no use. I screamed as my flesh exploded in stinging pain. Daddy got one more whack in, branding me with the paddle’s heart shape before I sobbed,

“NO, no more Daddy. I can’t take it.”

Technically he could have and should have continued since I did not use my safe word, but he could hear the genuine distress in my voice, and took pity on me.

He went so far as to remove the bothersome clothes pin from my pussy for which I profusely thanked him. I then felt the cold steel edge of the knife running along my pussy lips as I tried to remain perfectly still. The blade was brought to my lips as he ordered me to lick my cum from it.

Daddy then mercifully unshackled me from the weight bench and ordered me to my knees on the floor.

His cock was inserted into my mouth for sucking as he cooed,

“You like cock don’t you slut? You want one in your mouth and one stuffed up your cunt, don’t you, you little cock whore?”

With that he ordered me to remain kneeling on the floor, head bowed as he went back into the house.

My mind raced again…oh God was someone else here? Had he gotten Joe to come by for a visit after all? Or worse, was there some stranger waiting to be serviced by me? Logically, I knew Jay would not invite a prefect stranger to our home, but I was not in a very logical state of mind at the time.

I watched the door open with genuine fear as he came back into the garage, alone, although I have to admit part of me was hoping Joe would follow him.

He carried out a cup of water and a shot glass as it was blazing hot in the garage.

“Do you want some water?” he cooed at me.

“Yes, Sir,” I respectfully responded.

He brought the shot glass over and held it to my lips for drinking. I only got a sip before he threw it in my face.

He refilled the shot glass and brought it to me again and asked if I wanted water to which I nodded my head in assent. He then spit into the glass, forced my head back by a handful of hair and forced me to drink. I spat the mouthful of water out all over the floor in an uncontrollable reflex of disgust.

I was then hauled back up to the weight bench and strapped down again, this time on my back…arms over my head, legs raised and spread.

Daddy went to work with the clothes pins again, this time arranging them along my breasts and nipples as I watched and writhed with pleasure. I was made to turn my head so he could insert his cock into my mouth for sucking before he mounted me and began to thrust his cock inside my pussy. I wanted his cock so badly by now. I tried to pump my hips towards him, but my freedom of movement was limited by my shackles. We both groaned and grunted our pleasure like the animals we were until Daddy released inside me with a loud guttural cry.

Later on, we cleaned up and went out for a highly satisfying meal for which we had worked up quite an appetite. Oh, the things kinky suburbanites will get up to when left with an empty house for the evening!!

Tomorrow's post will be the evening's festivities in pictures...

Garage Dungeon, Pt. 1

2010-07-22T18:39:00.003-04:00

Jay and I enjoyed a delightfully erotic evening last Saturday. Both children were out of the house for the evening affording us the run of the entire house to be as loud and full of debauchery as we chose.

Jay busied himself in the garage, obviously making some sort of preparations as I awaited further instruction in the house. Upon his return I was bidden to follow him upstairs where I was directed to strap on my black sandaled high heels, remove all my clothing, and kneel before him to have my collar and leash affixed around my neck as well as my ankle and wrist cuffs locked around each limb.

Daddy then led me downstairs and outside to the garage. What I saw there both exhilarated me and filled me with gratitude for how much my Jay loves me. The weight bench had been moved to the center of the garage, the little TV out there was tuned into porn, and Daddy’s bag of toys was menacingly waiting for him by the bench.

I was ordered to lie face down on the bench, my ass vulnerable to Daddy’s every whim. My wrists were looped under a support bar of the weight bench and joined together by two or three locking clamps traversing the length from one wrist cuff to the other; my legs were bent at the knee, ankles raised, and tethered to either side of the weight bench via these same metal clamps affixed to my ankle cuffs and attached to metal bars running vertically along either side of the weight bench.

I was now utterly restrained and completely helpless as I felt the sharp, cold edge of a knife run over my ass cheeks as I quivered with a mixture of fear and desire.

“You like this don’t you slut?”

“Yes, Sir,” I confessed to Daddy.

“You like this too, you little whore,” Daddy proclaimed as he spit into my spread ass cheeks and inserted the NJoy inside me.

The crop met the flesh of my ass first, delivering several stinging blows, followed by Daddy’s hand bearing down on me. I moaned softly as my arousal mounted.

Daddy then pulled something crinkly from his toy bag, and as I looked back to catch a glimpse of clothes pins being removed from the cellophane bag, my face was slapped from the side.

“Did I tell you to look back here, slut?” Daddy roared

“No, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir,” I sheepishly replied.

Daddy attached one of the clothes pins to the side of my breast as I held my breath terrified of the pain I was certain was to follow. To my surprise there was no pain, only pleasure and pressure. Daddy did the same to the other breast before walking behind me and laying some of the clothes pins on the bench between my legs.
I felt him kneading and rubbing my inner thigh, and it clicked what was coming next.

“No, no Daddy, please,” I pleaded.

He made no reply as he skillfully attached the first clothes pin to my inner thigh. Again to my shock, it did not produce pain…only pressure and pleasure. Daddy adorned my inner thighs with two clothes pins each as I panted with anxiety turned to pleasure.

Daddy then turned his attentions to my pussy…the fleshy upper portion to be exact. I squirmed and squealed, pleaded and nearly broke down into tears as I realized what he meant to do.

He managed to attach a clothes pin to the fleshy upper portion of my cunt despite my protests. While decidedly uncomfortable, the pressure was bearable.

Then to my horror, Daddy announced he had to do some things in the house, turned off the lights, and left me there bound and helpless with only the glow of the TV for light. I was too stunned to protest as he shut the door behind him...

Toy Review: The Elegance Sensual Vibrator by Extase

2010-07-20T16:52:00.008-04:00

My dear Shelly at Shelly's Toy Box has given me yet another delicious toy for testing. This time I had the pleasure of testing a wonderful new vibrator… the Elegance by Extase.

This is a dual motor silicone vibrator that provides 5 modes of vibration. The upper and lower buttons found on the control pad scroll through the various vibration modes while the right and left buttons control the intensity of the vibrations. It is very discreet in its quiet vibrations and fashionable all black color. It is splash proof making for fun in the shower as well as the bedroom. It is easily cleaned with simple antibacterial soap and water. Here’s the really cool part about this toy…it is rechargeable! That’s right, no more losing power as your batteries slowly die over time, no more packages of batteries stuffed into your drawer, or if you are like me, desperately searching through your children’s electronic toys for the correct size batteries to borrow…LOL. Even cooler…the Elegance can be charged via a USB port on your computer or laptop, or via a regular power outlet using the wall adaptor. Like every toy Shelley has sent me for review, the Elegance comes very attractively packaged. The toy itself lies on top within its own little compartment with a pull out drawer underneath housing the USB and wall adaptors as well as an alluring little French envelope holding the detailed instruction guide and a plush carrying bag for the toy.

Now for the fun part…what happened when I played with my new toy? Bells and whistles went off inside my head, that’s what happened!! I am a girl who likes a lot of power in her toys and the Elegance absolutely delivers in that department! I had no problem getting the vibrations up to a nice intense level like I enjoy. However, if you enjoy softer sensations, you will have no problem finding those in the Elegance as well. The control pad is very well positioned and easy to operate even in the midst of pleasure. The dual motors allow for some very pleasurable sensations. Some modes concentrate vibrations towards the top insertable portion of the toy while others alternate vibrations between the insertable portion and the base of the toy by making use of the two motors. This results in stimulation within the vagina as well as stimulation in the area of the labia. The two modes I most enjoyed were one which made use of this dual motor capability with a keenly rapid pulsing sort of sensation, and another which concentrated exquisitely powerful vibrations towards the tip of the toy which I was able to angle towards just the right spot inside me for several mind blowing moments of pleasure.

In summary, the Elegance would be a wonderful addition to anyone’s toy box. It delivers what it promises, and then some! It will be in constant rotation in my bedroom for some time to come. I anoint the Elegance with my very first 10 out of 10Big O’s.

There's No More Joe, Don't You Know

2010-07-16T20:01:00.004-04:00

I am sorry to report that it looks like there will be no further adventures with Joe for the time being. It really is rather disappointing as he was EXACTLY what we have been searching for...clean cut( I mean military clean cut which is so attractive to me), terribly good looking, agressive and self assured in his dominance of me, respectful, single, lives alone and able to host our play as Jay and I would obviously be rarely able to do so and are in no position to run up hotel bills to get our kicks

He seemed intensely interested in further adventures the week after our incredibly hot encounter. We exchanged several hot emails and texts, and discussed the possiblity of him coming over for dinner and play this weekend as both children would be gone. Then he went out of town the 4th of July weekend, and seemed lukewarm at best once he returned. Then he simply stopped communicating altogether.

I spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out what the hell had happened, wondering if I had done or said something to put him off...certain that the problem must be on my end somewhere.

In the end, the reason was exactly what Jay had tried to tell me it was. He finally texted Jay this week after two weeks of silence to explain that he had been in the process of getting back together with an ex, and would be unable to play anymore.

In many ways I felt very much relieved to know the problem did not lie with me at all. It also seems to say to me that my assessment of Joe as a basically decent guy was correct. Granted, keeping me on hold until he figured out what was going to develop with the ex, wasn't so nice, but not playing with me while also beginning anew with an ex says something about him as well.

So it seems I must begin my search anew. Who knows what I may have up my sleeve...

Toy Review: The Urja by Vida

2010-07-13T19:47:00.005-04:00

My dear Shelly at Shelly’s Toybox has entrusted me with yet another intriguing product for review. I was quite fascinated by the design and intended use for this toy which is the Urja by Vida. This toy is a remote controlled vibrating orb that rests nicely inside your most secret part.

Like every toy I have received from Shelly, this one comes elegantly packaged. The remote control and rechargeable vibrating orb come nestled inside a faux leather case along with a handy storage bag for discrete transporting of the toy as well as a power adapter for charging the orb and a product manual.

The waterproof Urja has a unique hour glass design that did fit very comfortably inside me. It is made of anodized gun metal aluminum and midnight absidian silicone. The orb can be retrieved easily via its hygienic silicone cord. I worried a bit about the cord stretching and tearing the first time or two I attempted to retrieve it, but it is indeed secure and made to withstand significant pressure. The battery driven remote control glows with a low pink light at it delivers five speeds of vibration to the orb resting inside you. The Urja comes with a one year warranty which states that if due to any defect in materials or workmanship, the product fails to maintain its integrity or its moving parts become inoperable within one year from the date of purchase, the manufacturer will replace it with a like or reasonably similar product.

So what happened when Jay and I put it to the test? The first time we used the Urja in our play was in our very own bedroom as we watched porn and mutually masturbated together. The orgasm I obtained with the orb vibrating inside me was more intense than I had experienced in quite some time. It left me panting, and dripping with my own arousal.

The second time we spent some time with the Urja was during an impromptu dinner outing. I inserted the toy before leaving for dinner, feeling very naughty about the secret resting inside me. As I indicated, it did fit very comfortably inside my secret area whether I was sitting or walking. I had some concern about the possibility of the orb somehow falling out from between my legs as I walked, presenting an embarrassing predicament in public, but I needn’t have worried as it did remain securely in place.

As Jay and I walked into the restaurant and waited to be seated, I gave a small start as I felt the Urja begin to vibrate within me. We exchanged a mischievous grin before being shown to our table in an out of the way corner of the restaurant. The toy’s operation was very quiet between my folds. I was not the least bit concerned about any noise that might give my secret away. The soft vibrations massaging me from within quickly ramped up my arousal. My legs parted as I ran my hand along Jay’s thigh under the table. Placing my order with the waiter as the Urja vibrated secretly within me gave me quite an erotic thrill. However, we were soon to discover the disappointing little problem with this toy. As Jay attempted to turn off the orb to save the battery charge for further play later in the evening, we found it to be impossible. No matter what angle he discreetly tried to aim the remote, he simply could not get the orb to respond. He finally handed it to me, I placed it under the table, aimed it directly between my legs and clicked numerous times, all to no avail…the toy continued to buzz away inside me. As you can imagine, the longer it buzzes the less sensitive the area becomes. It buzzed so long that I was only able to ascertain whether or not it was still on by placing my hands on my lower abdomen to feel the buzzing of the toy. I was happy to get home that evening and remove the endless vibration from within me. I spoke with Shelly and her husband at Shelly’s Toybox and they we agreed I should send the unit back under the warranty, and they sent me a second unit to try out.

Wanting to give the toy a fair try, we took it out for one more test spin Sunday as we ran a few errands. Jay clicked the remote control held in his pocket as I exited the car at the store setting off a pleasant little buzz within me. We walked about the store conducting our business as the toy happily buzzed away within me creating mildly pleasurable feelings. When I decided it was time to turn it off, we again had a bit of trouble getting it to stop. We finally had to stand face to face discretely in an out of the way aisle as Jay clicked numerous times until I finally indicated to him that the vibrations had stopped.

When we got into the car and continued on our journey I was feeling quite aroused more by the secret nature of what we were doing in public, in broad daylight than by the intensity of the physical sensations themselves. As we drove I lifted my skirt and ran my fingers over my increasingly moistening folds as Jay clicked the toy back on until we finally decided to find a secluded area to pull over and enjoy some “private” time together.

For me, the greatest pleasure derived from the Urja was more psychological than physical. I was highly aroused by the secret I held between my legs of which only Jay and I were aware. I only know the workings and sensations of my own body, but I do know that the inside of a woman’s vagina is significantly less sensitive than the outer areas and of course, the clitoris. I honestly did not derive more than mild pleasure from the Urja as it vibrated inside me although the orgasms I achieved while stimulating my clitoris as the toy vibrated within me were greatly enhanced by the Urja’s vibrations. A major drawback for the Urja was the difficulty in getting the remote to properly control the orb inside me. I honestly doubt that Jay and I will put the toy to much more use in public due to how difficult it is to control discreetly. In summary I would give the Urja a 5 out of 10 Big O’s.

Why a 2nd Dominant?

2010-07-08T16:16:00.003-04:00

This has been a thought provoking question rolling around in my head lately. First posed by Joe last week as he was trying to determine what Jay and I were looking for in him as a play partner. I had what I felt was only a partial answer for him at the time, until the same sort of question was posed by Jay today in trying to work out where everyone fits into this admittedly unusual threesome.

The answer struck me like a lightening bolt today as I tried to articulate it to Jay. It is three-fold in nature. First, I wish for and am aroused by treatment that is in many ways rougher and more extreme than Jay is comfortable with by virtue of the fact that I am his wife. By the same token, I am not necessarily comfortable with my husband being the one dishing out the handling I envision in my darkest fantasies. We both really enjoy the intense spankings, hair pulling, nipple play, restraints, but there are some acts that may not necessarily be appropriate for husband and wife to get comfortable with enjoying.

Joe was much rougher with me than Jay has ever been, and I loved it. At one point he had his hand around my throat and I wanted to whisper to him to tighten his grip, but I knew Jay had set ground rules with him for only light choking. I believe he allowed that only because he knows how much I get off on it. I wanted Joe to slap me in the face (Jay has done this but only very reluctantly and uncomfortably after I begged), but I knew Jay had set ground rules for Joe forbidding this too. My feeling is that I actually do want my husband to be uncomfortable doing some of these types of things to me, but I still long for someone to do them to me with Jay’s approval and protective participation.

Second, I like a dose of measured fear and perceived danger with my domination which simply does not (and should not) exist with my own husband. I don’t quiver with dread when I have failed to carry out his orders for I know his threats are limited. I know just how far he is willing to go when he disciplines me. I get off on the element of the unknown or at least the element of knowing a 2nd dominant truly can afford to see me as his plaything to enjoy and abuse as he wishes while still within certain agreed upon parameters and with respect for safe words. There was a point during our play with Joe in which he had my face tightly shoved into the sofa cushion, pinning me down by the back of the neck as he fucked me harder than I have ever been fucked in my life. I had a very small pocket of air in which to breath...I felt utterly powerless and a little fightened by how far he might take it which left me dripping wet. I was able to relax and enjoy it because my Jay was there enjoying the whole scene as he carefully monitored it.

Third, a major element of arousal in this type of play is the exchanging of power. I long to surrender my power utterly to another. Again, for me, I cannot seem to do this with my husband. The very nature of our relationship greatly inhibits it. We raise children together, we run a household together, we share in every facet of each others lives, and we are best friends in addition to being lovers. I want to experience the joy of whole heartedly surrendering my power to another without fear of how this might affect other areas of our lives or relationship. A 2nd dominant would have no real relationship with me other than to be my dominant, and hopefully a friend as well.

I am very eager for feedback from others on these thoughts and feelings. I would be most keen to hear what other submissives have to say, however, sadly I suspect I have few female submissive readers. My readership seems to be predominantly male, but I am sure any and all who care to comment would have something of value to say.

Happy 4th of July!!

2010-07-04T12:49:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone has a fun and safe 4th of July!!

Jay and our son will be continuing what has become a neighborhood tradition over the past several years. They will make asses of themselves setting off the aresenal of fireworks you see below while the neighbors sit in our driveway, drink, and have a great time!

Hey ya'll watch this...

On Being Daddy's Slut, Conclusion

2010-06-30T19:15:00.002-04:00

After rehydrating ourselves, I found myself with Daddy’s cock in my mouth as Joe watched, stroking his cock. He soon reached over and placed my hand on his cock. I stroked it as it rose to full attention. He turned my hand over and spat into it before placing it back on his bulging cock. I cannot begin to describe how much this turned me on. I moaned around Daddy’s cock as I pumped Joe’s up and down, twisting with my hand.

Before long, Joe had me on my back on the sofa, straddling my face as he fucked my mouth with his cock.

“Do you want a faceful of my cum, slut, because you don’t act like it,” Joe accused.

“Yes, yes Sir. I want it, oh God I want it,” I moaned as I writhed underneath him.
I sucked the head of his cock as he stroked it in my face, panting and pulsing with excitement.

Ropes of hot cum shot out onto my face and breasts as I moaned with ecstasy. He slapped my tits with his still hard cock as I rubbed his cum into my nipples.

Daddy took me then, and fucked me hard as Joe’s cum glistened on my face until my pussy was full with his warm pleasure.

We drank some more water, all discussing how we had to get to bed soon as we all had early mornings. As Daddy retrieved more water from the kitchen, Joe sat beside me stroking his cock to life.

“Daddy his cock looks like it needs more attention. May I give it to him?” I asked with desire in my eyes.

“Yes, go ahead,” was Daddy’s reply.

I got on my knees and began to suck and gag again as Joe slapped my face with his cock and shoved me up and down with a fistful of hair.

He soon had me on my knees on the floor, upper body draped over the sofa as he slid his cock inside me. He fucked me unmercifully, pounding into my body with furious thrusts. My face was shoved into the sofa cushion such that I had one small pocket of air, his hand on the back of my neck kept me impossibly restrained. Muffled moans escaped me as I cried out the pleasure of his cock in me.

“Yes, fuck me harder. Oh God yes, please,” I cried.

“You want more, slut?” he demanded.

“Mmm yes, do it. Oh God yes, cum in me Joe. Do it! Cum inside my pussy.”

That sent him over the edge as he bucked inside me as he came.

Daddy had watched this whole scene from a nearby sofa and was rock hard. He laid me back on the sofa and entered me.

“Mmmm, I’m so wet Daddy,” I mewed as he slid into me.

Daddy wasted no time pounding me hard as well as I moaned and moved underneath him.

“Yes, yes Daddy. Fuck me Daddy,” I cried.

My pussy was soon again filled with Jay’s sweet, warm cum.

It was late by all our standards at this point…about 10:30. We chatted a bit. I requested to see Joe’s dog who had whined and clawed behind a locked door the whole time.

She was a sweet, friendly thing. Joe was very much in control of her as well. She obeyed his every word without question. I noticed with a shiver of pleasure more profound than I can describe that he spoke to her in the same manner and tone as he had spoken to me. I was his human bitch.

Today finds me feeling no regret over last night’s encounter, and filled with desire as I run the scenes through my mind again. I bear the marks of the encounter as you can see from the pictures of my bottom…one taken when we arrived home last night, and one taken today.

Jay felt it necessary to give a small demonstration with the flogger and heart shaped paddle just before we left, allowing Joe to get a few practice whacks in, creating the heart shaped red marks you may notice. The back of my neck is sore, various areas of my head are tender from banging against the sofa, my knees are sore, my breasts are sore from rough squeezing and slapping, and my pussy is sore from vigorous use. All in all, I am a very happy submissive girl.

I am hopeful we have found a second Dom for me. What fun we can all have if it works out as Jay and I hope. Stay tuned for more details as they develop…

On Being Daddy's Slut, Pt. 2

2010-06-29T21:05:00.000-04:00

Soon afterwards we found ourselves at Joe’s house. I had asked for some gum earlier in the evening to which he responded that he didn’t have any on him but could provide me with some once we got to his house. I asked again for that gum as we walked into his kitchen. He retrieved it for me, waving it in my face and asking what it would be worth to me.

I was directed to get down on my knees on the kitchen floor. As I remarked that the tile floor was hard, Daddy skillfully fastened my collar around my neck. My face was even with Joe’s crotch as I looked up at him for a moment before reaching to unfasten his pants.

I was still nervous, but also eager for his cock. I fumbled with the button and zipper for a moment, planting a few light kisses on his belly before freeing his gorgeous, hard cock.

The smell of him was intoxicating….masculine, musky, sexual. I can still feel it filling my nostrils today bringing with it a swooning sort of desire. My head was quickly shoved down onto his cock. I struggled to take him all in, gagging, tears running down my face as he gripped a fistful of hair, and slid his cock down my throat. My ass was being slapped from behind by Daddy as I gagged and sputtered on Joe’s cock. At some point the gum was given to me which I chewed for a moment before being given a mouthful of cock again.

Daddy had left my rosebud out on the bathroom counter for me earlier in the evening. I saw it, knew what to do with it, but in my nervousness forgot to insert it into my ass.

“Where is it, slut?” Daddy demanded of me.

“What, what, Sir?” I asked, genuinely perplexed.

“You know what. I left something out for you,” he replied.

It dawned on me like a thunderclap. Oh God, I forgot it, I forgot it!

“I forgot it, Daddy,” I blurted.

“You what?” he bellowed.

“I forgot it because I am a stupid slut, Sir,” I offered.

With that I was shoved on all four’s as they both smacked my ass. Joe pulled my head to and fro by a fistful of hair as he slapped me.

“First you complain about the floor, now you forget what your Daddy tells you to do?” Joe admonished me.

“Stop your fucking crying. No crying slut,” he barked as I gasped for air, not actually crying but taking in big sobbing gulps of air as my adrenaline and arousal increased.

I was soon told to get up and walk to the living room. I stood there, naked, waiting for further instruction.

“Get on your knees,” Daddy ordered.

“This collar needs a leash,” Joe announced as he retrieved his dog’s dirty looking leash.

His cock was soon shoved back in my mouth, gagging me almost to the point of vomiting in one instance to my horror.

“Suck your Daddy’s cock now, slut,” he spat at me as he shoved me towards Jay’s waiting cock.

I began to suck Daddy, bringing his cock to full attention. Joe slapped my ass as I sucked just before thrusting his cock inside me (yes condoms were used for those of you who may be concerned for my welfare). He was so big. I struggled to accommodate him as he rammed himself hard inside me. My body tensed with the pain, muffled moans of pain escaped my mouth as it sucked Daddy’s cock.

Slut that I was, my cunt soon relaxed, soon wanted all he could give me. He thrust violently into me from behind as I sucked Daddy’s cock, my moans of pain giving way to moans of pleasure.

Joe requested Daddy’s permission to take over before grabbing me up by the leash, and shoving me down onto the sofa where I fell with a thud.

“Oh you’re just going to fall down like that. Pathetic…get up and get your ass in the air slut,” Joe barked at me.

I obediently raised my ass and pussy to him before he entered me again. He fucked me from behind for several delicious strokes before flipping me onto my back,gripping my hips and dragging me to him. His cock felt so good as it slid inside me. He braced himself over me and pumped hard into my well stretched pussy. I looked up into his face for a moment, then gazed at his tightly chiseled biceps. I gripped them, ran my fingers over them, growing even wetter with desire.

He flipped me again back onto my knees, ass in the air for him. One arm was restrained behind my back as our bodies became slippery with sweat. He went to grab my other arm, and I lost my balance and fell. He immediately grabbed my leash.

“Oh you don’t want to have sex correctly? Let’s go slut,” he ordered as he led me out the back door.

He led me to a hammock in his backyard, laid me face first over it, and began to fuck me again. Soon afterwards, Daddy was inside me as Joe lay in the hammock in front of me, his cock in my mouth again.

When I could stand the heat no longer, I begged for some water. Being a kind Daddy and Joe, they led me back inside where Joe gave me a cool glass of water...

On Being Daddy's Slut, Pt. 1

2010-06-28T22:20:00.003-04:00

Jay and I have entered once again into unchartered waters, but with a good bit more communication, respect, and common sense this time.

Sunday morning found us lying sleepily in bed, my hand on Jay's cock as he told me I was going to be his slut today, and I was going to do as I was told. He was scrolling through his phone as he told me this, and I mewed pitifully "No" as I knew he must be trying to find a suitable playmate for me. My "No" wasn't very heartfelt though as my submissive heart has been longing for another dominant alongside my Daddy for quite some time.

Daddy used certain electronic means to inquire about the availability of a dominant man in our area for his wife. He was kind enough to show me responses and photos and allow me to screen them. I was further allowed to chat with the handful of suitable responders throughout the day to get a feel for their style, intelligence level and desires. I finally settled on just one applicant that I was expected to serve along with Daddy that very evening.

I will christen our new friend "Joe" for reasons I will keep to myself. Like my friend "the hot Englishman" (who has yet to be able to arrange a trip back to Atlanta for a meeting) Joe’s occupation is one I find very sexy. He is not as large in stature ( just slightly below my 6' minimum) with the broad shoulders and wide chest I generally prefer , but he more than made up for that with the commanding way he carried himself.

Daddy had a fairly lengthy phone conversation with him in private during which they discussed certain ground rules as well as how I was to serve them. Daddy and I spoke afterwards both agreeing we felt Joe to be safe, sane, intelligent and respectful. It was agreed that we would meet for a drink after dinner and go from there.

We left our daughter safely asleep in her bed with her brother babysitting to meet our new friend. I was nervous as a cat. My palms were sweaty and my mouth was dry. I worried he would be nothing like his photo, totally unacceptable and I would be disappointed. I worried he would be more attractive than I could stand. I worried I was too fat, too old (he is significantly younger than I), too something...

When we arrived at our destination, I had to force myself not to think, but to act. I followed Jay into the bar and straight to Joe who was waiting at a table for us. Oh God help me, he was HOT!

I felt like a teenager on a first date. I couldn’t look him in the eye; I let Jay make most of the conversation. I felt so shy and awkward.

At some point Daddy said to me, “Tell him what you are wearing under that dress.”

“Nothing,” I shyly replied, barely able to look at either one of them.

“Mmmm, you’re gonna make my cock hard right here in the bar if you keep talking like that,” Joe responded.

Shortly afterwards we decided it was time to go. As Jay went to pay, Joe and I were left alone for a moment.

“So what do you think will happen to you when we get to my place?” he queried.

“Well, I think I might find myself on all four’s crawling on the floor,” I offered.

“Oh, you’re gonna be on the floor,” he promised...

It's Good to Have Like-Minded (Dirty) Friends

2010-06-21T20:11:00.003-04:00

I had two very hot conversations with friends today...one with a familiar friend I shall christen "Professor Plum" and another with a brand new friend I shall refer to as "Will" because his accent reminds me of Matt Damon in "Good Will Hunting." I will provide more details of my interactions with my dominating new friend "Will" in a future post. Neither of these friends did I meet via AFF just in case you are wondering.

I think a few snippets of my conversations with each will explain why I dragged Jay to our bedroom as soon as I got home, locked the door while our daughter watched TV downstairs and proceeded to fuck the living daylights out of him.

After a detailed, hot description of how he would kneel between my spread legs at my desk and suck my hard clit until I spilled my juices into his waiting mouth...

Professor Plum: "I would have to fuck you afterwards. Bend you over the desk."

Me: "Pull my skirt up over my waist and rub your hard cock between my slick lips."

Professor Plum: "Mmmmm, slide deep inside you, feeling your wet pussy surround my cock. Slip my long middle finger into your tight ass."

Me: "Grab a fistful of my hair and pull me up off the desk, my tits bouncing against the desk as you pound into me."

Professor Plum: "My hands on your hips now, pumping hard and deep into your needy little pussy."

Me: "I am so wet again. I am squirming in my seat."

Professor Plum: "Cumming in you, finally...grunting, and cumming deep in your body"

Me: "Bent over me whispering in my ear what a dirty whore I am."

Professor Plum: "Forcing you onto me further by pulling back on your shoulders."

Me: "Yes, I want as much of you as I can take in."

Me: "Did you cum, Professor Plum? Is your hand wet and sticky with your release?"

Professor Plum : "I'm close."

Me: "Oh how I wish I could kneel before you and lick every drop. Sucking each finger slowly into my mouth as you watch. Licking your hands clean. Moving down to your balls and cleaning those as well. Breathing in the scent of you. The scent of filth, the scent of arousal, the scent of your need for me. Mmmm,I wish I could do that for you, Professor Plum. I am wet again, imagining you in your chair at your desk stroking your pulsing cock for me. I slipped a finger under my skirt to feel my own wetness. I can smell my pussy on my fingers.

Professor Plum: "I just came for you again, baby."

This was the 3rd time he had come for me today.

I also managed to carry on another short conversation with my new dominatiing friend Will today while sitting in my car enjoying some down time at lunch today.

Will: "I want you to send me a picture with spit on your face, cunt. Spit in your hand and smear it all over your face bitch."

Me: (after sending said picture) "Is that satisfactory, Sir?"

Will: "I want to see it dripping off your face. Do it until I am satisfied, cunt."

Me: (after sending another picture, hoping to please him with spit just visible dripping off my face) "Does that please you, Sir?"

Will: "Yes, very good whore."

Me: "I am so wet, Sir. I am going to leave a wet spot on my seat."

Will: "Good whore. Send me a picture of your cunt."

Me: (again after sending the requested picture) "Sent, Sir"

Will: "Mmmm, that pussy looks good today, whore. I wish I could smell you right now."

On the way home I message back and forth with Jay at red lights. Before leaving work he instructed me to lift my skirt and expose my wet pussy all the way home. I let him know how drenched I was after my day full of virtual sex. He instructed me to gather my cunt juices on my hand and spread them on my neck and face. He said he wanted me to smell like cunt when I got home.

My last mesage to my friend Will for the day just before I arrived home was:

Me: "My Daddy had me smear my cunt juices all over my face and neck as I drove home. I smell like spit and cunt."

After which, I went upstairs,and dragged Jay to our bedroom where we fucked good and long and hard.

Ahhhh, I feel so good this evening...

A Familiar Taste of Poison

2010-06-16T15:57:00.000-04:00

Is this song about you? Yes, you... If it's about you, you know.

It speaks to me. Calls up a host of images, memories and longings...

It touches a still raw nerve in me.

"I tell myself that you're no good for me,
I wish you well, but desire never leaves.
I could fight this til the end, but maybe I don't wanna win."

No I don't think I do wanna win or I would have done so by now don't you think,hmmm? Are you winning?

On another note, this is an incredible band Jay and I have discovered in the last six months...Halestorm. Their self titled album is the best I have discovered in a while. If you enjoy in your face hard rock with a goth sort of edge delivered by a hot female, this is right up your alley!

I'm So Naive Sometimes...

2010-06-16T06:29:00.003-04:00

Last week on a whim while home with a sick child I decided, out of the blue to set up a profile on the infamous Adult Friend Finder, and see what happened. As a side note... Jay is now the one on the fence about inviting another man into our sex life, so we still seem to be undecided on this issue. It's a difficult and thorny one for sure.

I immediately began to get a number of responses which I slogged through sometimes on my own and sometimes with Jay's help. I did eventually find one gentleman I found of interest.

We exchanged a few emails and began to chat via IM yesterday. He met my height requirements at 6'3". Was able to carry on an intelligent and sexy conversation. Seemed to be a middle class professional guy just like us. All seemed to be going well. When I asked about his marital status he said he was married, but that he and his wife ocassionally played and she allowed him to play on his own as well. I accepted this at face value because as I have discovered over the last few years there are indeed marriages like that out there.

We chatted off and on throughout the day turning up the arousal for each of us. It felt good to be wet and squishy at work. I sent him a few pictures to whet his appetite. He promised a viewing for me via webcam that evening.

Jay and I finished our great session of sex as described in the previous post and I logged on to check for my new friend. Sure enough, he was there. We began to chat. He turned on his cam for me as promised and he was indeed an atractive, professional looking guy. We worked our way around to the good stuff with me eventually suggesting I would enjoy watching him stroke himself for me.

He suggested he would like to hear my voice to verify I was who I said I was, and he would be happy to. As mentioned before, Jay was waffling on this idea and was not into a phone call for the evening. I also was unable to turn on my web cam as he had recently re built my computer and needed to install some software before it would work properly.

I gently explained all this to my new friend, while sending him a link to the blog to further bolster my case that I was who I said I was. He was eager to cum. He agreed to turn the cam on and stroke for me. I had Jay's permission as he sat beside me so we continued.

I was on, ladies and gentleman! I gave him such a hot description of crawling over to suck his cock, gagging on it...you get the idea. It was good. He obligingly shot his load for me. I enjoyed it.

Then....

Camera went immediately black. "I've gotta go now, hon. The wife (who was sleeping before, mind you) needs me to do something for her"

Are you serious??!! WTF...does this guy REALLY have no experience with "after play?" Does the fact that we met on AFF and were immediately sexual mean I should expect such an interaction? I'm not looking for much, just a little friendly conversation after, leave your camera on for me so I can see the after glow in your face as we talk. Help a girl know she did a good job and you enjoyed it.

Needless to say, I dont see any further interaction happening with this new friend. Such a shame...

Good Sex is SO Good

2010-06-15T21:21:00.003-04:00

Jay and I had the best sex we have had in a while this evening, and it felt so right.

We began by lying in bed kissing in the darkness as he gently tugged at my nipple. My breath soon came faster and faster as my arousal climbed. His fingers found their way down to my tingling clit and slid wetly into my gaping hole. His fingers slid freely in and out as his mouth sucked steadily at my breast. I thrust my hips at him, grinding my clit against his hand as I moaned my pleasure.

I gasped that I wanted my vibrating egg which he refused me as he climbed between my legs. His mouth found its mark on my clit as electricity shot through my body. I pinched and teased one nipple while he reached up to pleasure the other one. His fingers worked my vagina and asshole as he lapped at my clit. I was highly aroused. It didn't take long for me to cum on his hand, panting and moaning.

Little did I know, the best was yet to come. He pulled out the NJoy anal plug and lubed it up before handing it to me. I eagerly slid it into my ass just before he slid inside me.

The feeling was ectasy. We have not played with the anal plug in quite some time and I had allowed myself to forget how erotic it could be. The plug forces my pussy into an even tighter position. Jay's cock rubbed me deliciously with each and every stroke.

My fingers soon found their way down to my again throbbing little clit. I rubbed frantically as my arousal climbed again. My world shrunk down to the pleasure building between my legs, and nothing else. I writhed and moaned as I rubbed and thrust at him, both pussy and ass filled. Again, I came, hard, groaning my pleasure.

Jay flipped me to my side one leg thrown over his shoulder in my still hazy post- orgasmic state and began to pound into me. I braced my hands against the headboard and held on for the ride as he spent himself on me.

Damn but we had great sex tonight!

My Vacation Tan

2010-06-13T17:57:00.002-04:00

My muse still seems to be MIA. So...enjoy a visual of my vacation tan. Somehow it is much more defined in person than in pictures...

Oh My...A New Girl Crush!!

2010-06-09T17:12:00.004-04:00

I caught this Christina Aguilara video for the first time while we were on vacation last week.

I've always been a bit of a closet Christina Aguilara fan, but this video has me worshipping at her tiny little feet. Who knew she was interested in the same sort of deviant festishes as moi?

I am especially turned on by the jeweled ball gag! I can't get enough of the images portrayed in this video.

I stared at this video open mouthed, my pussy growing moist and tingly. Oh to have little Christina work me over. I imagine her with a strap on dildo, spanking me, declaring me her "bitch" and forcing me to suck her plastic cock, the cloying taste sticking to the roof of my mouth.

Oh the joy if she were to force me on my knees and take me from behind with her fake phallus while pulling my hair, and spanking my ass.

Oh my dear Christina, what a naughty pair we would make!

I'm Still Here

2010-06-09T16:18:00.002-04:00

Hello my faithful readers. I have had a number of emails lately inquiring about my whereabouts as I have been woefully absent from the blogging world lately. I'm still here, I assure you.

We were on a family vacation last week, and I've just been a busy, busy girl lately in addition to having lost my muse of late. I have a few ideas in the works.

Be patient. We will return with your reguarly scheuled programming soon...

Hotel Room Fun

2010-05-19T17:28:00.004-04:00

We went on an out of town family trip this past weekend to visit Jay's family. The usual lodging arrangements are that our son stays with his aunt in her little 2 bedroom home while Jay, our daughter and I stay in a hotel. This generally means there is absolutely no sex to be had during these weekends. Not so, on this trip!

As we were all departing one location to head to Jay's sister's house, she volunteered to just take both kids with her while Jay and I went to get checked into the hotel. She didn't have to tell us twice...we practically sprinted to our car to comply with her arrangements!

After getting checked in and up to our room, Jay told me that be expected me to be naked by the time he got back from returning the luggage cart. Not wanting to disappoint...I did just that, and lay spread out naked on the bed upon his return. Jay got equally naked, and we simply laid there in the cool hotel room for a bit, recovering from the day's journey which included a one hour gauntlet of allowing our 16 year old son to polish his driving skills. I needed a stiff drink after that, although he did just fine.

Eventually Jay reached over to begin stroking my body, pinching my nipples a bit, slapping my ass playfully. I commented that it was a shame we did not have any spanking implements with us. Jay simply rose from the bed, walked over to where his shorts where folded over a chair, and began to remove his belt.

"Ah, but that's where you are wrong," he said.

"Argh, not the belt," I groaned both dreading and excited about what I knew was about to happen.

He soon had me on all fours, my ass willingly displayed for him. He mercifully started out slow. Slapping lightly with the belt, mixing in a hard SLAP ever so often until I was begging for more.

The belt SMACKED down on my ass as I moand, swaying my hips.

"Yes, Daddy. Oh yes, please more, Daddy."

The SMACKS began to come harder and faster. I could feel the heat rising in my ass, the delicious stinging each time the belt found it's mark.

"Oh, it hurts Daddy. Mmmmm, it hurts," I moaned as I tried to raise up only to be shoved back down and told to "be a good girl for Daddy."

He reached around to pinch my nipples, his stiff cock rubbing against my heated ass. I thought he would turn me over and fuck me, but he wasn't quite yet finished with my discipline.

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK...the sound of belt meeting flesh filled the hotel room as my breath came faster and harder in and out through my nostrils.

"Oh Daddy, Oh Daddy, Da...ddy," became my mantra repeated over and over again.

When he finally felt his job was completed, he flipped me over, pushed me towards the top of the bed and entered me.

My ass was on fire against the cool sheets as his cock slid easily in and out of my wet hole. I watched as my tits bounced up and down with the force of his thrusts. My finger found it's way down to my hard little clit as he continued to drive into me.

"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum," I moaned through clenched teeth as I clenched his cock in ectasy.

He soon followed me with his own pleasure, grunting and moaning as he emptied into me.

Shortly after this little episode, we showered, dressed and went over to his sister's house as if nothing had ever happened. I, however, had a constant reminder in my burning ass all night long. I was further reminded of our time together during the 3 hour ride home the next day sitting on my poor, little bruised bottom.

Birthday Bottom

2010-05-14T22:19:00.003-04:00

Better late than never...drumroll please...my 40th birthday spanked bottom. If you look closely, you can just make out a little heart shaped welt on the right hand side, hehehe!